[Katileena]

Sex is on my mind all the time; it's starting to drive me nuts. Pretty much every hour of everyday I am having images of sexual acts or sexual fantasies and I would absolutely love to act out all of them, but I have standards for myself and refuse to "just have sex with anyone." I am not that experienced sexually and I desire to learn more. I've always been a very sexual person, but I feel like I have to repress my sexuality because of my morals. I have thought about posting an ad to participate in a threesome before, but I would never go through with it. However, it is a fantasy of mine.

I guess my dilemna is because of my morals I need to be in a relationship to have sex, but I am not really ready for a relationship emotionally, thus my physical needs suffer. I do masturbate, but this is not really satisfying for me because the entire time I just want to feel the touch of someone else. So I usually try to relieve some of my pent up sexual feelings with no success.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, there really isn't anything that can be done probably until I can have the confidence to be in a relationship. I guess I just feel like I am wasting my youth since I am only 23 and can pretty much count on my fingers the number of times I've had sex.

[Ascension]

I can relate to what you are talking about having a moral expectation and how it has affected my sexual interaction with the world. I was late to lose my virginity, struggled with not objectifying women to the point where I was afraid to associate with women because I was afraid my finding the attractive or appealing would be obvious and they would feel offended. I still to this day have a hard time having a friendship with the opposite sex. That put me behind the curve when it comes to interaction with woman and by virtue I feel like I missed out on a healthy learning of physical intimacy and that increases my curiosity. Though your moral "compass" may have operated a bit differently I can relate to how my religious and/or moral values have stunted my intimacy and physical/sexual experience.
I think it is okay to be where you are. Many people confuse emotional intimacy with physical intimacy and will substitute one for the other. Being careful about who you are intimate with on any deep level is good even if it can leave us a bit lonely.

[Katileena]

Yeah sometimes I'm confused by my thoughts. Because on one hand I want to respect myself and hold myself to a degree of morality, like in order to be appreciated and loved by my friends and family I should keep a level of value toward myself and intimacy. Then the other side of me thinks the complete opposite. There's a part of me that believes the best way to show that I am an empowered woman is to be open to my sexuality and express myself as a sexual being, since it is a completely natural part of being human. So one side of me says don't be promiscuous for respect, and the other side says be a sexual free spirit for empowerment. Ughh so contradicting.

But anyway, thank you for your response. I too lost my virginity a little old, atleast in my definition. As far as interacting with the opposite sex, I find it easier to bond with guys then I do with girls, but it is hard to keep it as just friendships because most of the time the guys are interested in me. I also feel behind the curve, as you put it. When I am intimate with guys (hasn't happened in a while though), I am quite nervous because of my inexperience. However, I'm quite open and am eager to try new things, if I could only find someone.

Thankyou for your honesty working through this and spending time talking with others will be great... i am in a similar boat, unable to partake in sexual pleasures without the emotional connection

It is okay to be where we are sexually and emotionlly... from here decide where we want to go...

[Ascension]

The fact you are aware as you are is a good thing. Just try to keep this awareness as best you can in those situations with emotional intensity which as we all know is easier said then done.

[Yoda]

Fantasies are fine. Obsessing can be distracting though. Perhaps you might buy some toys.

[jscott]

Buying toys..I don't think that's a good idea.

[Mike_J]

Originally Posted by jscott

Buying toys..I don't think that's a good idea.

Why would toys be a bad idea?

[1flagwriter]

Katileena,

How are you doing today?

[Katileena]

Hey 1flagwriter,

I'm doing pretty good actually! I was in the process of moving the last few days so all that hard work has kept me busy. Plus it gave me a little exercise!!

[1flagwriter]

I'm so glad to hear it