[justjoanie]

I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through or is going through a similar situation....
I'm 42 years old. I knew from the time I was 13 that I was attracted to both males and females. My first sexual experiences were with girls. But I was raise in a christian home, and a christian school where being gay was just wrong. I actually thought I was crazy. I didn't know there was such a thing as being bi-sexual. I thought you were either gay or straight. So of course, at 13, and living a very sheltered life, I thought for sure I was crazy.
Through my life, and all my relationships, I've never had a satisfying sex life. Sex did feel good, but I never had my "moment" so to speak. I grew to understand or believe that I was bi-sexual, but primarily straight. I never had a relationship with a woman, only "friends with benefits" type of thing. I've never been able to make a marriage or any male/female relationship work.
Now I've met an amazing woman, who actually swept me off my feet. I couldn't believe it when I realized that I had fallen in love with her. And, miracle of miracles, my sex life is amazing.
I'm starting to think that I'm bi but primarily gay, and that I should have been all along. I'm thinking that all those wasted years and relationships were due to the fact that I couldn't see myself for who I really was all those years due to my upbringing. Right now, I can't even imagine going back to dating men, it almost seems foreign.
Am I crazy now? Was I crazy then? Or am I just completely confused????
Anyone??

[sugahorse1]

I'm primarily straight, with some bi tendencies. When I was emotionally unstable and really looking for someone to love and hold me, I happened to meet this most amazing woman. We just seemed to click. What started out as friends, became more over time. And I was still seeing my boyfriend at the time. Yes, my libido during that relationship was immense. The emotional "click" was on another level. At times I still miss it, especially as my boyfriend eventually found out, he told my parents, friends, everyone...! I made peace with that fact, because I believed I'd met my soul mate. I was prepared to give up everything.
At the end of the day it was just a rocky relationship though. She suffered form BP, so one minute the relationship was on and then it was off. I tried to OD when it was FINALLY over.
Sometimes I long for that kind of intensity in my life. Right now I'm back with my boyfriend though. It just seems "right". But I sometimes go through guilt, not sure if I'm following my heart.

I must say this is the only woman i'd ever been with. I've never before or since looked at a woman and thought of her in a sexual way. We started as friends and eventually the friendship bond just became more