[Amoslass]

I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and well, I feel abandoned. There just seems to be no affection coming my way. I try so hard, I tell her I love her, try to get close, snuggle up to her by the tv at night but..nothing. We moved into a new place together nearly 3 months ago and we have only made love once in that time. She puts it down to being tired, or it being too hot, or that time of the month, etc. I find myself getting my self off at night when I need it, when she's out in the other room playing on the computer, or even when she's asleep next to me.

It doesn't help my self esteem at all, I don't know if she wants sex either, is she struggling???? I know I should ask her but all I get is "everything's fine". I need affection, I need her. She is so distant.

This is my first relationship in 10 years, and only the second one in my entire life. It makes me question myself. Am I doing something wrong? Am I just too needy?

[sdcg76]

IMO I don't think you're being too needy. We all want to feel that sense of touch from the person we care/love, that's just being human. Obiviously you do care/love her because you're sticking with her, which is pretty awesome since some guys would've left a long time ago. Maybe she's been through something really bad in her past that's making her close herself off from you, I know that's how I used to be. Try to keep talking to her and hopefully she'll let you in on what's really holding her back from caring/loving you all the way.

[eskielover]

Not knowing your girlfriend, but it sounds like there could possibly be some sexual abuse (SA) in her past that she may not have dealt with & may not be able to deal with that is causing her to keep that distance between her & you.

If that is the case, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!!

Also, some women have much less of a drive for sex. Personally for me, not being married would definitely cause me to be less willing as I believe that making love is something that is between 2 married people no matter what the age. Don't know what her feelings on that are either.

I know for me, with my husband, I had issues with him before we got married......definitely had a respect issue that was a constant issue in our relationship & looking back, I didn't feel the love for him because of that lack of respect he caused me to feel & it was almost impossible to have the feelings that made me want to make love with him as I truly believe that it is an expression that comes from feeling love for the other person.

Just offering a few thoughts on this from a different point of view.

[sugahorse1]

Is she possibly on any meds that are negatively affecting her sex drive? Or is she possibly depressed, causing a lack of sex drive? Just suggestions of things that I have been through myself.
But I do appreciate the place for sex in a healthy relationship, and you are definitely not out of line to voice your concern

[Amoslass]

well, she definitely has no history of abuse, her family is a bit disfunctional but she hasn't been hurt at all. She is a lot younger than me, and though very mature for her age, that difference does come through every now and then. SHe is very wrapped up in her computer, chatting to everyone else rather than me. It really isn't just about sex here, either, but companionship. I'm feeling more like a flatmate more than a girlfriend at the moment.

[sugahorse1]

You need to talk to her. Make it known how much it means to you. I was in a similar position a while ago, and didn't realise that my sex drive had actually died down and hurt my partner. I had to be made aware of it.
Sex is an important part of a relationship - I hope you can work this one out

[RomanSunburn]

I read somewhere that the less you have sex or be intimate with your partner, the less you want it. (Kind of like eating, the hormones/chemicals that tell you to eat only get activated when you eat, so if you don't eat, you can easily forget to eat). Perhaps this has happened with your girlfriend (and maybe you too, Sugahorse?)? I think you should probably try to talk to her about everything and see if she is willing to work on getting you both to a place where both of your needs are being met.

Good luck!