[wifethatwas0102]

So my husband has abnsolutely NO sex drive. He has no inclination to have sex, and assumes he could live without it if necessary. When we do make love, its fabulous for both parties. He always ends with, My god why don't we do that more often? That's amazing!" but end up in the same no sex drive rut.

He's had his thyroid and testestrone levels tested - normal.

We just started therapy together, and I've learned he sees all women as sexual objects. The first things he notices about women involve sexual thoughts....until he gets to know her and sees her as a person (like our friends).
We have sex more often then he masterbates (sex 1-2 week usually...because I initiate, and masterbation maybe once every 2 weeks or so) Yet NO sex drive. What the heck is going on? how is that possible?

[Maven]

Not all men are "typical." Most men see women as sex objects first; that's just how men are. It's normal for a man to masturbate, even if he's having sex with a partner sometimes. It's normal for a woman to masturbate, too.

Some people identify as asexual, but I don't think that's what's going on here, because your husband does engage in and enjoy sex, but apparently doesn't become aroused without physical contact.

Not all men are horny all the time. If he has low self-esteem, that could contribute to his lack of a sex drive. Maybe he's bored and needs something new in the bedroom. Hopefully, the therapist can help you and him figure it out.

[wifethatwas0102]

Thanks Maven. To update, after 5 months of therapy (together and alone) he's working on a dx of BP. His sex drive returns with manic states, and disappears with depression.
He's terrified if he takes meds for BP, it will disappear all together.

[JAZZY10]

Oh dear, we have convinced ourselves since the pill was invented that sex is a sport. Before the 1960's it was fear of pregnancy that kept sanity in the bedroom. Now its mood swings, plastic toys and the like. I took up knitting a while ago and now I'm happy until he begs me to love him or I threaten to knit him a new jumper.

Originally Posted by wifethatwas0102

Thanks Maven. To update, after 5 months of therapy (together and alone) he's working on a dx of BP. His sex drive returns with manic states, and disappears with depression.
He's terrified if he takes meds for BP, it will disappear all together.

[AlwaysBLue]

to wifethatwas0102: sex drive returns with manic states, and disappears with depression.
He's terrified if he takes meds for BP, it will disappear all together

I live this everyday. When Im manic I cant get enough of any kind of sexual contact, but when I'm depressed I dont think about it as much. When I take my meds, its a 50/50 situation. I've had to learn to not take the meds everyday, but every other day... this works for me. I would never tell anyone to adjust their meds, but this absolutely works for me and helps give me a happy medium.

[wifewhocares]

My husband told me he had no interest in sex either, until I found out he was addicted to porn and viewing it on the sly, then masturbating so much he had nothing left for me, which made me feel rejected and used when we finally did have sex. It became a vicious cycle. He distanced himself from me because he was thinking about his next "porn session" so I rejected him and noticed everything little annoying thing he did which turned me OFF which made me NOT want to have sex with him at all! When I finally confronted him with it and told him I would NOT tolerate the porn, he said he would stop, but I can't help wondering if he is now resenting me because I've blocked the porn sites with "parental controls" on our computers. I hope your husband gets the help he needs and you can resume to a happy, mutually satisfying sex life.

[wifewhocares]

Originally Posted by Maven

Not all men are "typical." Most men see women as sex objects first; that's just how men are. It's normal for a man to masturbate, even if he's having sex with a partner sometimes. It's normal for a woman to masturbate, too.

Some people identify as asexual, but I don't think that's what's going on here, because your husband does engage in and enjoy sex, but apparently doesn't become aroused without physical contact.

Not all men are horny all the time. If he has low self-esteem, that could contribute to his lack of a sex drive. Maybe he's bored and needs something new in the bedroom. Hopefully, the therapist can help you and him figure it out.

Masturbation is good as it can enhance a relationship, but if it replaces sex, it becomes a deterrent as it's easier to masturbate than have sex so that both people are satisfied. Men and women have different needs and have to work at the relationship.