[WXWX]

It's been eight years since i was raped by my babysitter more than twice my age. Why would he do that to me ,what did i do that made him rape me!!!! He was such a nice guy ,and i thought he was my best friend!!! He used to take me out for ice cream and talk to me about my problems about my step dad,but one night while my parents were out he just started to hit me and taking of my clothes ,then he started rapping me and hitting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had a girlfriend too!!! So why would he even think about raping a eight year old boy!!! I can't stop shaking,i'm so confused!!!!! Why would he do that ,why did he wan't to hurt me!!!!!
Did i make him mad ,did i somehow arrose him.i'm so confused and i can't stop crying!!!
I hate him almost as much as i hate myself!!!! What did i do!!! Somebody please tell me!!!!!!!!! What did i do!!! What did i do!!! What did i do!!!!!!! What did i do!!!!!!! What did i do!!!! I'm sorry ,i'm so sorry!!! What did i do!!! I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!

[bebop]

first off hon I am so sorry this happened to you. you did nothing wrong to make him do this. so many times the perp makes the victim believe it is their fault but that is the furtherest thing from the truth. are you in therapy? if not please seek help right away. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!

[phoenix7]

WXWX - you didnt do anything - ok did you get that ?

*****YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING*****

HE DID - he took your trust and used it aginst you - maybe someone had upset him - maybe he had been abused - maybe .. you know what - whatever happened to him - it gave him NO RIGHT to hurt or rape you

you are innocent - maybe he was hitting you for the way he was feeling - taking it out on you that he wanted you - IT WAS NOT ANYTHIGN YOU DID - this person is a predator - did this person get punished? please please please realise that this was their sickness not yours

you did nothing wrong - you were there - thats all it comes down to - they wanted somthign and you were there .....

Therapy can help with all those feelings of guilt and revulsion you feel - please see if you can get some help and keep posting here or inthe survivors of abuse forum - where we can support you

take care P7

[michele#3]

Like everyone else who has replied to your post has said YOU DID NOTHING! HE DID! REMEMBER IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

[Luce]

It's true. You did nothing to make him do that. His actions were his choice, and his alone.

Everyone knows people are not supposed to hit and rape kids. EVERYONE knows that. He knew that. He knows it was against the law. He probably knew it would hurt you. He chose to do it anyway, for the sake of his own needs.

It sounds like he 'groomed' you. He was nice to you. He took you out for icecream and made you trust and feel safe with him by getting you to talk about the problems with your stepdad. Most teenage boys / young adults really wouldn't be all that interested in doing that with an eight year old kid. There is a small subgroup of people who do though - including those who purposefully seek out and befriend young children with the intention of eventually having sex with them.

Why did he do it to *you*? Most likely because he had the inclination to have sex with a child and you, through no fault of your own, happened to be available. If it wasn't you it would have been some other kid. He probably DID do it to some other kids. But it wasn't you, it wasn't your fault, and it didn't happen because of anything you did or did not do. It happened because he is a child molestor, and he wanted to have sex with a child. He simply didn't care about the law or the affect it would have on you. He thought only of his own gratification.

I am so sorry it happened. My brothers were raped by our father, and I know how much it hurt them. Like you, for years and years and years they believed it was their fault - that they did something worng, that they provoked him, that they aroused him... but it wasn't their fault. It happened to them because our father was sexually attracted to children. It happened to you because your babysitter was as well. It is ALWAYS the adults fault, without exception. Even in the occasional instances where a child provokes or even comes onto an adult (usually because of prior sexual abuse) it is the adult's responsbility to act within the law and protect the child. There are no instances where a child is at fault or held accountable for an older person having sex with them at all. The older person is always to blame.

It is possible to heal from this. It can take a long time, but it can be done. You are not to blame and I hope you can find a way (through therapy maybe?) to let go of the self hate and rage and shame. You were just an eight year old kid. Eight year old kids are so young, so little, so in need of protection from monsters like your babysitter. Stop blaming that eight year old kid, that eight year old you. It really sounds like he could do with some love and protection instead.