Unsure

Ok, I really don't know how to say this and I am unsure if I am being a total freak of nature or if I am being genuine. If anyone can shed some light on this issue I would be grateful thank you!!

I am 26 and I have never had sex. I have came close a few times but I have never actually done anything. I had my first boyfriend at 12 and we went out for 2 years. Then I had my next boyfriend 10 years later when I was 24. I went out with him for 1 month. We never even came close to having sex despite sleeping in the same bed. I went out with another guy for also 1 month when I was 25 and although we shared a bed again we never did anything. Then I had another boyfriend when I was 25 and he lasted 2 and a bit weeks. My last relationship was where I went more in depth in the sense of sex and fantasies and touching.

I never had any interested in guys until I got my 1st adult relationship at 24. Now I don't want it. However when I am manic all I can think about is sex and wanting to really get a boyfriend. When I think of a guy's penis it makes me feel sick. I don't know why. Is this normal? I don't think it is.

I am not into girls.... I know that.

I have in the past especially when I was at school liked it when older females "mothered" me... I don't know why!! I have always gotten on better with older women and I like being in their company and thinking what it would be like to be their daughter. But I have never wanted to kiss or touch a woman.

So I am rather confused as to what I am or what I am doing... Am I just being a complete freak or is there somethign wrong with me??

As I said any answers would be appreciated!!

Hi Laura. I'm kind of revolted/turned-off by the idea of sex with anyone I do not have a deep emotional connection with, but once I have that connection I love the touching and sex. Since your adult relationships have been so short, maybe you haven't formed deep enough love and trust to engage that sexual component in your mind. It's totally possible that you could have a great sexual relationship if you met the right person and had the right feelings involved.

I don't think you're a total freak or that something is really wrong with you.

I also don't believe enjoying sex should be such a requirement for being normal and healthy. I can't think of any other activity we're all expected to universally enjoy and want to engage in. I think that pressure from society is wrong, honestly. Maybe you just prefer to have deep, meaningful friendships instead of sexual relationships. That's OK too.

The hypersexual thoughts with manic episodes are so common that I wouldn't really worry about them, as long as you're not acting on them and engaging in risky behavior.

My immediate thoughts would be just lack of experience, and that is pushing your view of sex into something taboo.

Not having sex is not a bad thing and in my opinion worrying about it all the time will make it much harder for you to relax and enjoy yourself.

You certainly aren't a freak and should wait until you are ready with the right person.