How do I get better without practice?

My husband and I are basically in a sexless marriage (definition: less than 10 times per year). We went an entire year without sex from December 2009-December 2010. We've previously had dry spells of 9 months or so. Even when things seemed good, it would happen maybe once a month.

The first 2 years we were together, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. But it's been downhill ever since.

So anyway, Sunday night it finally happened. And I couldn't be happier, but...well, I wish I could have made it better. Both of us just kind of seemed like we didn't know what the hell we were doing.

And after reading so many books on why a man has no desire, one of the reasons they give is that sex is not exciting/adventurous enough. And that night was a great example of boring sex. So why would he want any more?

I want to do more advenuturous things but in the moment, it just doesn't happen.

How do I fix this?

I understand that all too well. maybe and people please don't slam me for this....maybe read some adult material to get ideas or even watch adult films. I know that is what I am planning on doing. my husband and I go months with nothing happening.

You could also talk to your husband about these books or movies you've seen after and describe things you want to try. I know that's a scary thought though... I have trouble talking to my BF about that. But I definitely think that you should express that you want more sex. Maybe at least once a week? Because the only way to get comfortable with it again is to do it really.

Have you ever gone out together to a restaurant or anything like this? Have you ever had recent quality time together? Went out just you and him dressed in your best outfits? Had some more easy fun....

Do you ever read Cosmopolitan magazine, Self or the other women's magazine's? they always have articles for getting your man in the mood.

I'd suggest begin dating again. Since your relationship was fuller when you dated and were first married, go back to what works.

Make a date each week, dress, wear perfume makeup whatever... and plan like you would before. DON'T discuss problems of life etc...but dreams, goals, likes etc like you did when dating.

Men are generally visually triggered. Depression could be hindering his general enjoyment in life, so that's an additional reason to not talk about problems on your dates.
If he has desire but not really, a good physical may be in order... it could be a chemical problem.
Good wishes!