Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Mar 22, 2011, 11:37 AM
Martina's Avatar
Martina Martina is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 413
My husband and I are basically in a sexless marriage (definition: less than 10 times per year). We went an entire year without sex from December 2009-December 2010. We've previously had dry spells of 9 months or so. Even when things seemed good, it would happen maybe once a month.

The first 2 years we were together, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. But it's been downhill ever since.

So anyway, Sunday night it finally happened. And I couldn't be happier, but...well, I wish I could have made it better. Both of us just kind of seemed like we didn't know what the hell we were doing.

And after reading so many books on why a man has no desire, one of the reasons they give is that sex is not exciting/adventurous enough. And that night was a great example of boring sex. So why would he want any more?

I want to do more advenuturous things but in the moment, it just doesn't happen.

How do I fix this?
__________________
Martina
30 year old wife & mom to a 5 year old girl
Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder

advertisement
  #2  
Old Mar 22, 2011, 05:17 PM
bebop's Avatar
bebop bebop is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
I understand that all too well. maybe and people please don't slam me for this....maybe read some adult material to get ideas or even watch adult films. I know that is what I am planning on doing. my husband and I go months with nothing happening.
__________________

He who angers you controls you!
Thanks for this!
SmackytheFrog
  #3  
Old Mar 22, 2011, 11:38 PM
SmackytheFrog's Avatar
SmackytheFrog SmackytheFrog is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 192
You could also talk to your husband about these books or movies you've seen after and describe things you want to try. I know that's a scary thought though... I have trouble talking to my BF about that. But I definitely think that you should express that you want more sex. Maybe at least once a week? Because the only way to get comfortable with it again is to do it really.
__________________
You are amazing. Really.


Thinking about hypnotherapy? I know a great hypnotherapist.

A Healing Edge
  #4  
Old Mar 28, 2011, 11:08 AM
Irine's Avatar
Irine Irine is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Israel
Posts: 1,579
Have you ever gone out together to a restaurant or anything like this? Have you ever had recent quality time together? Went out just you and him dressed in your best outfits? Had some more easy fun....
  #5  
Old Mar 28, 2011, 12:36 PM
Anonymous33005
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Do you ever read Cosmopolitan magazine, Self or the other women's magazine's? they always have articles for getting your man in the mood.
  #6  
Old Mar 28, 2011, 03:13 PM
(JD)'s Avatar
(JD) (JD) is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
I'd suggest begin dating again. Since your relationship was fuller when you dated and were first married, go back to what works.

Make a date each week, dress, wear perfume makeup whatever... and plan like you would before. DON'T discuss problems of life etc...but dreams, goals, likes etc like you did when dating.

Men are generally visually triggered. Depression could be hindering his general enjoyment in life, so that's an additional reason to not talk about problems on your dates.
If he has desire but not really, a good physical may be in order... it could be a chemical problem.
Good wishes!
__________________
How do I get better without practice?
Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE
Reply
Views: 1386

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:41 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.