[Razzleberry]

I'm scared to admit this, but for the past several nights I've been masturbating and fantasizing about having another affair.

I'm stuck in a sexless marriage (husband doesn't want any....no clue why). I've cheated in the past but I really thought it was related to my illness. In fact, we can directly blame the first incidents on a manic episode triggered by antidepressants. But that doesn't excuse it.

I'm stable now. I'm HEAVILY medicated and in therapy.

I don't feel manic. I'm not doing any of the other things I do when I'm manic.

How do I stop this??? I do NOT want to do this to him, or our family, again.

[eskielover]

I do NOT want to do this to him, or our family, again.

Then DON'T....use your self-control.

Put your energy into working with your husband to work through what the problem is.....even if it takes marriage counselling.

Sorry but having sex isn't the most important thing in life....you need to figure out your values & your priorities. I agree that it's not good to have a sexless marriage, but before running out & having an affair, it's much better to work on the marriage & put all your focus onto that rather than trying to find someone for a fling just to satisfy your physical needs.

If you have worked on the marriage & figure out the why there is no sex & if at that point it's more important to you to have sex than to have a husband....get a divorce & leave him rather than just going out & having an affair....having your cake & eating it too.....is NOT the appropriate solution for your problem

[Razzleberry]

Marriage counseling was a waste of time and money for both of us.

My husband has no clue why he has no sex drive, but also doesn't really try very hard to figure it out.

If I don't know what's wrong, how do I fix it?

He is fully capable of having sex, yet he just WON'T. The constant rejection is what gets me the most.

It's one thing if your husband is in an accident and paralyzed and physically CANNOT have sex. It's quite another when he just plain won't and won't even tell you why.

I know, none of this gives me any right to step out, but I haven't had sex in over 18 months and my brain just keeps going there. If I knew how to shut off my sex drive, FOREVER, then I would.

[bebop]

razzle I understand. I don't think sex is really the main part but more the intimacy that goes along within a marriage. lack of intimacy I should say. it is hard sometimes for people to understand that. I know how it feels too.

[googley]

Has he gone to the doctor and gotten a physical? If not, he should discuss this with his doctor. He may have hormones that are out of whack.

[salukigirl]

First off, I feel like maybe you are beating yourself up a little too much. While sex may not be the main part of intimacy...it sure is a big part of it! Not only does it take away that outlet for you two to feel close, but it probably makes you feel less desirable and less wanted. And if your husband just doesn't care....that is probably very frustrating. Keep in mind - you haven't cheated, you have fantasized about it.

I don't really have any advice if you have already tried marriage counseling and didn't find it helpful. I'm sorry