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Old Apr 07, 2011, 05:04 AM
JenR JenR is offline
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I have been living with my boyfriend for 7 months. He says nothing arouses him sexually. He doesn't care to have sex. When he does once in a while he will finish. He never can get completely hard. I found that he looks at porno. I have no problem with it if it didn't affect our sex. I confronted him about it and he said it did nothing for him. I'm sure he is lying because he still clears the history from the computer. He is a very quiet and shy person. I don't think he has had many sex partners. He knows that I have, so I wonder if he feels unsecure about how he might perform. He seems awkward when we do like he doesn't know what to do. I am the one that always initiate sex. I have to tell him what to do to me far as foreplay. This gets old. You think he would catch on. I don't know what I could do to make him comfortable and not feel awkward. He doesn't like it when I try to discuss sex. I have told him how sexy he is and brag on him thinking it would help. We are both 39. Please help..... We both are getting tired of argueing about sex. He has tried different pills to help and so far nothing is working. I made him an appointment to a doctor, he went and was told he was depressed, so he was put on zoloft. He has only been on it a week, but would like to know what I could do to help him........

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  #2  
Old Apr 07, 2011, 10:18 AM
JenR JenR is offline
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Could someone please help me.....
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Old Apr 17, 2011, 04:32 AM
lone_twin4's Avatar
lone_twin4 lone_twin4 is offline
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To me it sounds like there are some underlying personal issues for him that are rooted in his past, and not a problem in your relationship. Have you considered going to therapy together (or separately of course) to talk about these issues? I suggest together because that might make him feel more comfortable. Does he have other symptoms of depression? It worries me that he was just put on Zoloft and not offered any form of counselling or therapy, so maybe it would be good to get a second opinion.

I am again kind of going from personal experience. My partner has a pretty normal-high libido and I have a pretty low one. We haven't been together that long and I am hoping that I get better with practise... but sex makes me very awkward and usually I feel terrible afterward, which puts me off. It's such an emotional rollercoaster every time that the fun is kind of taken out of it! I find my partner very attractive but when we actually get around to sex I become very inhibited. That is nothing to do with him but with my previous experiences.

Also, porn is not necessarily a thing he is looking at for pleasure. As a shy person, it might be that he is simply embarrassed about thinking about it at all, but maybe he is sort of testing himself with it... it sounds like he needs a lot of support to establish himself in this. But the situation must be hard for you too, I will be thinking about you. Hope this helps a bit...
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Ah! What then?

Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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