[salukigirl]

Lately I have basically lost my libido. It is the end of the semester. Just next week I have 3 presentations, 2 term papers due, an exam plus I'm making a poster for a national conference that is in 2.5 weeks. Needles too say my stress level is through the friggen roof right now. Add on that 3 days ago was exactly a year since my grandma died and I just want this to be done.

So in the last 3 weeks my bf and I have had sex twice. I feel really bad but at the end of the day, I'll be laying in bed and I want to but I just can't make myself move. And, of course, he is getting frustrated - which I understand. But I don't appreciate having him try and come onto me when I'm in the middle of trying to get stuff done. I turn him down and he gets mad. I have flat out said that my mind is just not on sex right now but he doesn't get it. And the more he pushes after I say no, the more it makes me NOT want to.

I guess I just feel a little lost. I'm not very good at seeing "wrong" or "right" in situations and I feel like I should just suck it up and do it....but I don't want to if I'm just not into it. UGH! I wish this semester would just end!

[HalfSwede]

My God, that's a hell of a lot of stress. It's getting to the end of the semester for me, too, and I'm a wreck. I hope all your projects turn out all right, and that you can get your relationship back on track when it's all done.

[Sunna]

Oh, hang in there Saluka! That's a big pile of stress and worry. And yeah, those stress hormones are a nasty piece of work, can affect your health, your appetite and yea, your libido as well.

Paradoxically a good sex with orgasm can be a great stress relief, but the problem, of course, is how to have a good sex when you are too stressed to have any sex.

Perhaps have a talk with your man again and explain the situation fully (and I don't mean how busy you are and what pest he's become, but how stress has robbed you of your desire). Maybe he just can't understand, because maybe for him it doesn't work that way. Maybe the lucky devil gets more horny when he is stressed. Maybe he is actually TRYING to get you to relax by having a good romp (could be even sweet of him, no?) Try to make him your ally in this. And if you get to do it, see if instead of trying not to be distracted or preoccupied by all that's on your mind (that's like not thinking about the elephant), you can take it all, all that stress, all those deadlines, all those frustrations, all fears and worries and just feed them into your sex, like having a one great "f it all!" moment, a rebellion, a Mel Gibon screaming "freeeeeedoooooom!" moment, a catharisis.

And if not, just hang in there. Have faith in yourself. "This too shall pass". You're gonna make it

[salukigirl]

Thanks you guys. I did talk to him about it. He says he gets it but I know how frustrating it is for him, too. We did the other day and it was a stress reliever. I was able to focus more afterwards but yes, it is about getting in the mood in the first place. If I kind of force it on myself I do enjoy it. Just right now I have no desire to where I'm consciously thinking "man, I want to have sex right now".

Luckily the semester is over in about 3 weeks and we have a conference in Portland which should be fun and hopefully a good break away from all this stuff. Plus I will get a chance to make some contacts for a phd which should take some of that stress off too. I will need to start applying later this year which has also been in the back of my mind. Stupid grad school.......