Transvestite or transgendered? Help?

When I was in college I realized I enjoy secretly wearing a bra, mildy tempted about other womens clothing, but just in private for short periods and only really for sexual purposes. I concluded (begrudgingly) I had to admit to myself that I have a transvestic fetish. I'd rather not have it, but I can't hide it from myself.

Much more recently however I've been frightened by the thought that I could actually be transgendered because I hate myself, and my body, and any time I fall I love with a girl I also admire and worship her and become jealous of her in a way. I have some feminine tendencies, I'm a bit of a girly guy.

The idea of being transgender terrifies me. I could never cope. I think I'm just transvestite, but am I just in denial because it's too painful to think about being transgender? I feel confused. If you're interested btw my sexual/romantic interest is only in females. It's only my identity which has begun to confuse me. Help?

You could be transgendered and still only attracted to females. Why is that so scary? Whether you are a transvestite or transgendered, you are exactly who you are supposed to be, and you are beautiful and lovable.

I couldn't possibly cope with transitioning or anyone finding out. I'd rather hide it my whole life.

Absolutely, you can. I felt the same way when I first realized I was trans (though I didn't have a word for it back then, just knew what I needed to do to be comfortable with my body), and I went into denial for eight years. I finally realized that I was never going to be happy being a guy, and went through with transition, and you know what? It wasn't so bad. Some people gave me crap, it does happen, but it's important to just let it be their problem, and not yours. I'm proud of who I am today, my transition taught me to be strong enough to not give a ***** about what others think of me.

If you need to transition, then do it, if for no other reason than to just be yourself.

PM me if you want someone to talk to about this sort of thing.