[feelingsad7]

So I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. For the first few months, the sex was great. Multiple times a day, I felt beautiful, we had fun, it was awesome. The sex started to get less around month 5 which I considered to be somewhat normal. The "honeymoon stage" was done and school started and he was working 3 jobs. But for the last few months, the sex has gone down to 1-3 times a month. This does not make me happy. I question my boyfriend about it and he says he doesn't know why but he just does not have the desire for sex. He is 26! I feel like he should be in his prime! He is not cheating on me, I know this. He says he loves me and thinks I'm attractive but just does not feel the urge to make love. Recently, he shared with me that he thinks that it is because he sees me as the "mother of his children" that he feels like he can't do nasty stuff with me. What the eff?? I love this guy so much but I really want a healthy sex life. He says he wants to fix his problem but how the heck do you fix this. I try to tell him to just get over it and that I, the potential mother of his children, wants some good loving. I don't know what to do. It makes me so sad. HELP!

[Pandoren]

Is he still working three jobs? Are there other factors that could lower his libido? If so, I expect he just hasn't got the energy for that kind of stuff and his body has said "whoa, let's get rid of this function for a while". If he says he's never had the urge for sex and he's been doing it for other reasons than sexual attraction (physical enjoyment, because it is expected of him, etc) then he could be asexual but doesn't know it, and that's a suggestion I make not because of the low libido (since asexuals can still have high libidos) but because you said both that he doesn't have the desire and that he sees you as the mother of his children and not a sexual being.

[JLarissaDragon]

It seems that men do not always want the benefits we provide as often as we think. Working three jobs may have a lot to do with it. I find that when my husband isn't in the mood and I am, I become the aggressor and seduce him. He may think it is weird at first but then he can't help himself and I get the sex I want. Massages and light touches in sensitive spots without him making any initiative at all work wonders. I obviously don't know the details or your situation, but if it is not your role to take the lead, you might try it. My husband loves it when I take the lead, even if he is tired or being a crabby, picky jerk at the time

i agree with the other posters, is he still working 3 jobs? if so, that is too much. he must be exhausted. [As Dr. Ruth would say - "stress is not good for sex!" So true!!]

also, what is your response when he says that he "sees you has the mother of his children and he feels like he can't do the nasty stuff with you?" i suggest you answer - "i want to do the nasty stuff with you for the rest of my life!" you might also consider something along the lines of "lovemaking isn't nasty - it's necessary!" maybe all you have to do is challenge these negative comments and express how you feel about him. i am not fond of the reply "get over it" - it does not sound helpful. i think he needs to hear your feelings and perspective on your love life. his reply to that should be very telling. keep us posted.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by feelingsad7

Recently, he shared with me that he thinks that it is because he sees me as the "mother of his children" that he feels like he can't do nasty stuff with me.

This might be the key to it. He says "mother of my children", but what if he subconsciously thinks, "my mother"?

Is there a mother in his life, apart from you?

[RomanSunburn]

I've actually heard that the transition from one's lover to the mother of one's children can be extremely hard on some men, though I've only really heard of it happening when the woman is pregnant or after the baby is born. Are you pregnant or having you been talking about it a lot lately? I also like unhappyguy's use of the word "lovemaking" instead of sex or f---ing, etc. Maybe try to make it more romantic and then go back to the wild and crazy things a little later. I also agree with try initating a little bit more (if you aren't already). The only other thing I can think of is perhaps a sex therapist because I'm sure this wouldn't be anything new for them.

And one more side note? As the one with the higher sex drive in my relationship and also working three jobs -- sex is totally not a priority right now. The number of times I've turned my poor fiance down recently (though, he never asks directly).... I'm honestly probably borderline being cruel, because I'm always asking for massages (retail is a killer...) and then curling up in a ball and going to sleep, but I simply don't have the energy, or quite frankly, the time, a lot of nights. Just some things to keep in mind, though, that it could simply be he's exhausted and doesn't want much more than to eat and sleep when he's not at work.