[hartbroken]

I am scared to have sex with anyone - past trauma maybe, I'm not sure. My girlfriend doesn't take that into consideration and I feel pressured into having sex. I feel bad about it later. She hasn't a clue. I've told her many times I need to be celibate until I get these issues resolved. But she has a way of making me feel guilty if I don't go along with her. I feel like I'm in a trap. What should I do?

Be true to what you need ... Re-evaluate friends and relations who aren't supportive ... I just posted on another thread that those who intentionally sabotage those of us who are trying to get to a healthier place are actually sicker than we are.

Don't let anybody force you to do something you don't want to do ... Especially when it comes to sex!

When I say force, this includes people teasing you, laughing at you, manipulating you, scolding you, cajoling you ... It doesn't have to be physical force to make it wrong ...

Sincerely,
BC

ps. I was brutally abused by my immediate family (physical / emotional / sexual) ... When I finally escaped, I started living in celibacy, and found it to be quite healing in and of itself ... Stay Strong!

[hartbroken]

It's so hard, part of me loves her and another part is angry with her. She won't listen and all she thinks about is herself with this issue. How do I do what you told me? Why am I always put in situations where it seems impossible to escape? She's very strong willed.

[likewater]

My bfriend and i dont have sex anymore. He understands for religious reasons i rather not unless i'm married and it was all too scary and confusing right now anyway. Btw has nothing to do with age, im almost 39.

[likewater]

If someone really loves you, they wont want to hurt you, emotionally, spiritually, or sexually.

[SoupDragon]

This isn't just about sex, this is about someone else respecting your needs and your ability to put in boundaries in order to get your needs met. From personal experience I really wouldn't advise having sex just because the other person wants you to.

hi, hartbroken - have you seen a counselor about this? intimacy avoidance is an issue created by prior trauma - which you allude to. please see a T about it as soon as possible. both you and your girlfriend have needs. one of your needs is to have the trauma resolved. one of her needs is sexual in nature, which is, an important part of maintaining a relationship. find out what her other relationship needs are so that you continue working on the relationship while you sort out your problems regarding sexuality. all the best to you.

[xp1155]

I wasn't ready to have sex at 18 and was pushed into it by my boyfriend. The relationship turned bad because he then thought he could push me into doing anything he said. I got out and was only able to have sex again when I confronted some of my own PTSD issues.

I agree with everything that's been said here. It's abusive to have someone try to control you sexually, mentally, physically, spiritually... when you are not willing to conform to what they want. I agree that counseling is a good solution. If she refuses to go to counseling, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Perhaps after some time apart, she would understand that she loves you more than her desire to have sex.

I think you need to try and set boundaries with her. you need to put your feelings first.

when I was 16 I was pressured into having sex with my bf, it was so bad that now, 4 years later I still have nightmares about it and can't go to close to males. part of it could be abuse from when I was 12 but it all got a lot worse after he pressured me.