I have read about something called the madonna-***** complex and I am worried that I have something similar to this. The madonna-***** complex according to wiki: 'develops in the human male when he sees all women not as individuals, but as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitute-like personalities. This dichotomy limits women's sexual expression because it offers two mutually exclusive ways to construct a sexual identity. The duality implies that women must assume subservient roles, either as madonnas to be protected or as *****s to be punished by men'. To be honest this isn't quite how I feel. I don't see women as *****s but I do idolise them as madonnas. I see them as goddess-like creatures. I have a fetish for bondage but I admire women so much that I feel that I am dehumanising (is that the right word?) them by doing having these feelings and I don't want to do that to them. This has led to major problems with me sexually both mentally and physically.

I think that fundamentally I don't want to hurt them at all and I am terrified of getting intimate with them in case I do.

I can remember when I was in my teenage years looking on a bondage forum. I can remember some guy saying that he hoped women got raped and tortured and that he was aroused by women being bound, gagged, raped, tortured, having their toes, fingers and nipples severed and the mutilation of their breasts. This really scared me very much and has done ever since. It reinforced my belief that in relationships my role is to protect them above all else.

[CantExplain]

I find ideas of dominance and submission exciting, but torture turns me right off.

There should be just enough pain to show who's boss, and not a lick more. Barehanded spanking is my limit.

Hi,

Im sorry to hear your feeling so conflicted. Have you perhaps thought of seeking therapy? To be honest not all women are going to want to be either protected or dominated so i think if you did some work on why you feel this way it might help improve your chances of having a more sustainable relationship.

As for the bondage issue, its perfectly normal to want to explore some of our fantasies, i personally am a huge BDSM fan - im a sub and i really enjoy torture but then my relationship with pain is complex and deeply rooted in past experiences. Not all women want it taken that far so i understand your fear about not hurting women more than they desire it.

I really hope you find a way of resolving these issues as their clearly affecting you greatly and that can't be fun. In the meantime if you ever need to chat feel free to PM. Good luck.

Originally Posted by bb2023

Hi,

Im sorry to hear your feeling so conflicted. Have you perhaps thought of seeking therapy? To be honest not all women are going to want to be either protected or dominated so i think if you did some work on why you feel this way it might help improve your chances of having a more sustainable relationship.

I really hope you find a way of resolving these issues as their clearly affecting you greatly and that can't be fun. In the meantime if you ever need to chat feel free to PM. Good luck.

Thanks, I've been in therapy for just over a year now and I will bring it up at our next session. I realise that women won't want somebody to be watching over their back and protecting their every move but unfortunately that's where my mind is at at the moment. I'm actually going to create a new thread with all of my problems in one big post, I was a bit inecure about posting them but I've been convinced to.

Originally Posted by emre43

Thanks, I've been in therapy for just over a year now and I will bring it up at our next session. I realise that women won't want somebody to be watching over their back and protecting their every move but unfortunately that's where my mind is at at the moment. I'm actually going to create a new thread with all of my problems in one big post, I was a bit inecure about posting them but I've been convinced to.

I mean its all down to personal preferance - i guess a lot of women do like their men to be very protective/caring. I personally like the more domineering type but im glad you feel able to open up to us more. I hope you get the support you need