Hi everyone,

I only just joined today - i have BPD and OCD, but there is one issue that has been bothering me more and more lately and thats my sexuality.

Ive always considered myself to be straight but for the last couple of years ive started to think that i may in fact be bisexual. I get in a real state if i ponder the issue too much. At the moment im trying to just 'be' with the fact that i may never know for sure but i have very black and white thinking - im either one thing or another. I think thats why im finding it so difficult to contend with the fact that i may possibly fall in love/ be attracted to either a man or a woman. It derails my sense of certainty if you see what i mean. Im not repulsed at the thought of wanting to be with a woman - in fact its quite the opposite.

I think maybe my OCD might be coming into play a bit with wanting more control over the whole situation and therefore knowing either way what i am. Or my illnesses may have nothing/ or little to do with the matter and i might simply be blowing things out of proportion. How have other people out there coped with uncertainty? How have you found your illnesses affecting your sex life? Any responses would be greatly appreciated. Bekki x

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by bb2023

I think maybe my OCD might be coming into play a bit with wanting more control over the whole situation and therefore knowing either way what i am.

I am Aspergic, so I certainly know what you mean by wanting control.

One way I get back in control is to make a plan.

Would it help to make a contingency plan? "If I turned out to be bisexual, I would X, Y and Z."

Another idea is to let yourself explore the idea in fantasy. "If I were a bisexual, what kind of bisexual would I be?"

Hi cantexplain,

Thanks for your response - sorry its taken me so long to reply. Ive done a lot of thinking as of late and ive accepted that i am bisexual. Im not however going to pressurize myself to come out just yet or explore the issue further. Im happy just to have accepted myself for who i am. Ive never heard of a contingency plan before - i guess it would be an interesting thing to try, i wish i saw your reply a lot earlier than i did! Thanks all the same, its good to know someone cares!

[shipping]

Originally Posted by bb2023

Hi everyone,

I only just joined today - i have BPD and OCD, but there is one issue that has been bothering me more and more lately and thats my sexuality.

Ive always considered myself to be straight but for the last couple of years ive started to think that i may in fact be bisexual. I get in a real state if i ponder the issue too much. At the moment im trying to just 'be' with the fact that i may never know for sure but i have very black and white thinking - im either one thing or another. I think thats why im finding it so difficult to contend with the fact that i may possibly fall in love/ be attracted to either a man or a woman. It derails my sense of certainty if you see what i mean. Im not repulsed at the thought of wanting to be with a woman - in fact its quite the opposite.

I think maybe my OCD might be coming into play a bit with wanting more control over the whole situation and therefore knowing either way what i am. Or my illnesses may have nothing/ or little to do with the matter and i might simply be blowing things out of proportion. How have other people out there coped with uncertainty? How have you found your illnesses affecting your sex life? Any responses would be greatly appreciated. Bekki x

To respond to your specifics: Instead of thinking of bisexuality as uncertainty, try thinking of it as "possibility"; you have approximately twice the chance most people have at finding a good and loving partner! The other Q about illness and sex: I have experienced a couple of times that painful issues from childhood were kind of released to a degree by love-making with a woman. At the beginning it felt awful and creepy and scary before I recognized it as an issue I had shoved away. Once I developed more trust in my lover, and in myself, I shared the issue with her and she understood and helped and held me as my love cries were also a release of grief. To modify grief through orgasm is scary, but beautiful and healing. This same lover also gave me physical healing, but that's not on the subject of your question. The only other thing is that medication affects sex drive and enjoyment; it is devastating, especially if sex has always been a major aspect of life, as it is so for me. I had to mix and match various psych meds (with my doctor) in order to come to the point where I can orgasm at least a couple of times a month. I know, that's terrible, isn't it? I don't know how I can stand it, but I do because I have to. Good luck!