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#1
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Hello, I am new here and I am a “psycho-sexual mess.” This is mostly about venting I suppose because I know that I really need a sex therapist.
I am 68 years old, a retired white collar professional with a nice family and a very comfortable lifestyle. Most people would probably think I “have it together,” and I admit that on the outside it probably appears that way. However, on the inside, I am a “psycho-sexual mess”--a Lamborghini racecar with no gas and no track to run on. I have always had a very high sex drive and always could easily have sex a half dozen times a day, if the circumstances were right, I.e. if I had the right partner. I have been married to my wife almost 46 years. Despite our ages we are still both pretty vigorous so physicality should not restrict us.. I play golf several times a week. In the beginning, my wife and I had somewhat of a normal sexual relationship, even though she has always been inhibited. We had regular plain-vanilla sex for a couple of years before we were married and it was fairly satisfactory. My wife never had the high sex drive that I still have and the longer we were married, the less interest she had. I always craved receiving oral sex, but my wife never has gone down on me one time. She used to allow cuninlingus and I loved to do it; I love the aroma and the taste of the vulva and vagina. I have always loved breast play, especially with my mouth. She doesn’t even like me to see her nude anymore. I moved out of her bedroom in 1997. At this point, a combination of factors have led me to have erectile dysfunction. They included my age, prostate surgery, emotional baggage, and frigidity and physical limitations on my wife’s part. I have tried all the drugs like Viagra. My urologist prescribed a vacuum pump which worked for a while. However, I began having a distortion on my penis, similar to a hernia. I was afraid to continue using it. I still could and would like to be able to pleasure a woman with my mouth and fingers if I had the chance. I still have a high sex drive and I masturbate regularly using a big massager since I cannot get an erection. The vibrator allows me to have excellent orgasms. I have no other sexual outlet at this time. To complicate matters, I have latent/closeted bisexual urges. I constantly fantasize about giving oral sex to a man. I am not attracted to men per se, but I am definitely interested in the male genitalia. I love to look at pictures of male genitalia and day dream about being in bed with a well endowed man, giving him oral sex. When I was a teenager and a young man, I experimented a little with other teenagers and men, but I have done nothing like that since I have been married. However, now if I had the chance under the “right circumstances,” I could very easily and would like to get it on with “the right guy” who would have to be someone I could trust, and who had attractive genitalia. I would not give oral to someone whose genitalia was not attractive to me. As I said as the outset, I know I need therapy, but I would be interested in your responses. |
#2
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Well, a lack of sex can certainly be contributing to how you are feeling, I would think. Have you tried talking to your wife about this? I find it hard to place myself in the mindset of someone your age and of the opposite gender, but perhaps her sex drive has decreased because she no longer finds herself attractive? I know that it is usually natural with age as hormones drop off (at least for men), but I don't know much about the psychological aspect of it.
Fantasies are fine, but I would definitely not act on them. That's not fair to your wife (though granted, if she knows that you're still a sexual being, I don't think it's entirely fair either for her to refuse to be with you, but two wrongs don't make a right). This is my input, at any rate. I hope I was of some help. |
#3
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Harley, thanks for the reply and I apologize for the double post. That happened because I am new and did not know if my first one had been accepted. Communication with my wife on issues like this is impossible. A long time ago, we went through counselling mostly because of other issues. Ultimately, she rejected the therapist's input. We have so much psycho-baggage from 49 years together that any serious discussion degenerates into anger and name calling. She still looks good and you would think she is no older than 40 if you saw her picture. I would be happy having sex with her if she were not so inhibited. If we could do oral, role-play, be spontaneous, etc. I could be satisfied. A less-inhibited woman would do things that would help me with orgasms despite my ED. I know I can still please a woman orally and digitally. But, she is very religious and IMHO that gets in the way for her, although I believe sex is a gift from God and religion should not impede marital sex. She has never been able to be spontaneous; sex always had to be orchestrated (lights had to be dimmed, music had to be played, only at certain times when scheduled, etc.) which was ridiculous and made my ED worse. She knows nothing about my bisexual nature or pre-marital experiences. BTW, my fantasies are not just superficial fantasies. I truly know that I am a latent bisexual.
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#4
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Hey there Blondboy. No worries on the double post. I think my "shining moment" when I was new was a triple post on the QA section when I was new. That took a degree of skill to pull off.
![]() I am sorry to hear about your wife. I do agree, that is a bit ridiculous that all those conditions must be fulfilled in order for intimacy to take place. I understand the desire for the right mood and all that, but your wife seems...excessive with it, so to speak. Granted, as I said, I'm not married, but that just seems off to me. :/ Don't misunderstand what I said regarding your fantasies. ![]()
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The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
#5
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Harley, believe me when I say that I am grateful for your input. I know there is wisdom in your words and in your years. One is never too young to offer wisdom or too old to accept wisdom. One of my failings however is that I have never been accused of being wise
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#6
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Well thank you.
![]() ![]() If/when you decided to share, I'll be more than happy to do what I can to be of assistance, as will the rest of the community. ![]() ![]()
__________________
The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
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