NOW I'm confused!!!

Posted earlier about people being 'nothing' Told I might be asexual. Went to a site AVEN and there realized that is defnitly not me. Don't understand the sexual aspext of asexuals there. Some actually freaked to post from people that do not have sexual relations. You can be asexual, still have sex without sexual attraction. I'm really confused about that. Most have no problem with their libido. So all I know if that is the story, I'm not that. So I'll just go back to being nothing. Am I understanding it wrong?

Asexuality is, in its basic definition, not experiencing sexual attraction. It is an orientation, just as heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, etc, so there are a lot of different things under that label that people can do and experience. Within the orientation, some have libidos and some do not. Some engage in sexual acts and some do not. The thing is, libido is the basic urge and is controlled by hormones in the body (said to be a general feeling like hunger), sexual attraction is triggered by other people, so they can work independantly of each other. Sexual acts are a behaviour and asexuals can have sex for a number of reasons, including curiosity, peer pressure, compromise with a romantic partner, to have children, or because they find it feels good either physically or emotionally. Sex can happen without sexual attraction- some heterosexual people experiment homosexually for whatever reason (and presumably vice versa) and many homosexuals over the centuries have successfully engaged in heterosexual acts (albeit out of societal necessity).

If you don't experience sexual attraction and don't have a libido, you can still be asexual, it just makes you what we would call a "nonlibidoist asexual" to be more precise. Since asexuality is an orientation, not just a trait, there are a wide range of experiences and possibilities within it. I had hoped that AVEN might give you some answers, but perhaps that site isn't the right crowd for you.

Of course, what you label yourself or don't label yourself is your own decision, but under the definition of asexuality you would qualify as asexual.

Thank you. I felt out for as long as I can remember. Been called weird, "ice age" and other names not to be mentioned! Thought that knowing there are other people like me would somehow be a step in accepting myself. We touch the surface of sexuality in therapy recently that most likely triggered my almost obsessive need to know. Think more reading is required!

I didn't know what I was until I found out about asexuality when I was about 20, but I didn't have a bad childhood in that regard, I was fairly oblivious to peer pressure and thought I was the only one with any kind of willpower or common sense surrounded by shallow insane sex maniacs. We live and learn!

In any case, I don't think we ever know ourselves 100%, even if we live for a hundred years, it is a constant journey of self-exploration and analysis. Orientation is obviously a biggie, but at least some things we can find ourselves content enough to say "you know what, I don't care what I am, I'm me"