flashbacks before I get there

I was basically raped a few years ago. After that I did not want to have anything to do with men. Until my boyfriend came along... He literally gave me my sexuality back, because he is the only person to ever make me feel safe and comfortable about sex. We are sexually active but he has a much lower sex drive than me. So we might do it 1-3 times a month. Lately though, we have had it a bit more often. I thought this was a good thing, I was enjoying it. But one day, right before my orgasm, I thought of *him.* The man who stole my virginity and raped me. After that I could not go on, I could not reach orgasm. After my boyfriend stopped, I felt dirty, used, and I kept shaking and thinking about the rape, I was basically having a flashback, and crying hard. My boyfriend comforted me and made me feel better eventually. But ever since then, whenever I come close to orgasming I start thinking about the rape, and then I try *not* to think of it, which causes me to think of it more! Then it just gets to the point where I need to stop. I am hating this so much, and I don't know what to do. I used to enjoy (and still do before it happens) sex. Would talking to myT about the rape more help, or should I try to not think about it , or what on earth should I do to make this better?

I think your post contains a partial answer to your question - trying not to think about it would not work.

Hi there.

Please allow me to start by saying I am sorry that ever happened to you...I truly hope the "man" who would do something so awful to another human being is getting precisely what he deserves. No one on this planet deserves to be put through something like that.

Hamster brings up a good point...trying not to think about something is paradoxical. You can't actively forget something, as trying to do so requires thinking about what you're trying to forget. I don't think you'll find much success with that.

I think you absolutely should bring it up with your therapist. He/she can help you work through the emotions that this would bring about, and help you work past it. A scar like this, sadly, never truly fades all the way away, but it does heal.

I hope I was of some help. Please know I'm praying for the both of you.

Hugs,
Harley