Bi or gay?

I indicated that "experimenting" (as you have suggested as a course of action to the OP) with someone amounts to being used.

If the person who is "experimenting" with you is upfront and honest and lets you know that this is what they are doing, then yes, you are in a position where you can make the decision as to whether or not to continue to see them.

Unfortunately though, not everyone is this honest and as a result, people can get hurt. I've seen it happen.

You said that reputable dating sites refuse to host people who identify as "bi-curious". Identifying as "bi-curious", by definition, amounts to stating one's intentions to experiment honestly and upfront.

Yes - I agree with you. By definition, it does indicate that.

But it is not considered to be ethical to experiment with someone's feelings and with their body in order to work out what your sexual orientation is. This is why it is not seen as acceptable on those dating sites.

I thought that people experiment with their own feelings and their own body, though.

ex·per·i·ment
/ikˈsperəmənt/
Noun
A scientific procedure undertaken to make a discovery, test a hypothesis, or demonstrate a known fact.
Verb
Perform a scientific procedure, esp. in a laboratory, to determine something.

The key part is in bold. My understanding, which is entirely theoretical because I am very far to the extreme of being straight, is that an experimenting person has a null hypothesis that she may have at least some lesbian leanings. In order to test the hypothesis, she engages in something that produces an experience and checks HER feelings in response to that experience, and based on HER response, decides whether to reject the null hypothesis. She is not experimenting with anybody else's feelings.

1. If people want to experiment with their own bodies that is their right.
2. If people want to experiment with someone else's body, it is only ethical to do so after informing the other person of their intent and giving the other person the opportunity to decide whether or not to procede.
3. Working out your sexual orientation does not involve scientific experimentation.

Your quote above totally invalidates the feelings of the person being "experimented" with and shows a lack of respect that is literally incredible.

I'm done, here.

Good day

we already discussed that stating that one is bi-curious totally takes care of your point (2). Any longer discussion is redundant - we are going in circles.

Plus, as I already explained, it is IMPOSSIBLE to experiment with someone else's body if you are engaged in anything remotely consensual. People experiment with their own bodies. Again, going in circles.

I use words very carefully and I explained that the person who is experimenting is doing so with HER feelings, HER body, HER response, etc.

You are again talking about "the person being experimented WITH".

Very frustrating.

Well I appreciate both of your suggestions and feedback. Blue- your personal story resonated and I agree that I dont think I currently want to be with both makes and females at the same time. I know this can be a difficult situation and I don't want to get anyone upset here on the forum, but I think that discussion is good and hopefully t can help me work through things and help others who might be in a similar situation.

But alas, I have started dating a guy and thigs are going really well. All seems natural and easy. I have share with him tht I find women attractive. He's cool with that and respects that u have been open with him. So far, so good!
Thanks y'all

Hi doggiedo (love your username!),

I'm glad that sharing my story with you helped.

It would have been great to have been seeing a T while I was trying to sort things out. I'm sure that it will be very encouraging for you to share your thoughts with a T and that things will become clearer for you over time.

In the meantime, be happy and good luck with your new guy

Bluey

This is an older thread, but I came across it and wanted to add a few things.

First off, I'm Bisexual. The way I knew, for sure, was that I am not only physically attracted to both men and women, but I can also be romantically and emotionally attracted to both genders. I can have a connection with either sex. Some people say that if you're truly gay or bisexual, that you have to be able to picture yourself in a relationship with a same sex partner - not just having sex with one. I don't know if I always agree with that, but for me it rings true.

I would also rather watch two women together than a man and a woman together, there is just something a lot more sensual about two women.

Sexuality can be very fluid, and there isn't always an answer to this question. My best advice would be to just "go with the flow." If you meet a woman that you're attracted to, and feel inclined to take it a little past friendship, then go for it! If you meet a man that you're happy being with, that's fine too! Don't put so much pressure on yourself to identify with one particular label...just be yourself, and do what feels right in your heart.

Hi again doggiedo,

I've just realised that when you wrote "hopefully t can help me" that you meant to write "hopefully it can help me . . . ".
I initially read this as "hopefully therapy can help me" which is why I made reference to a therapist in my last reply to you.

Anyhow, I hope things go well for you.

Bluey

i think i am bisexual i like both men and women but have not been with a women just find myself attracted to women and want to be with a women and a men. i am going to make a post soon about it

I also think you should maybe experiment if it's an option and see what works best for you