[lady1158]

I've talked to a bunch of my friends about sex, and they all say that its great, amazing, etc. But whenever I have sex it's usually painful. My doctor said that it could be a lubrication problem, so I tried it out a couple times. It made it a little less painful, but it still wasn't this amazing thing that everyone loves to do! Ha
The only reason I have sex is to make my boyfriend happy and it helps me feel close to him. Any ideas on why it's painful?

[Inedible]

Sometimes receiving oral sex can be uncomfortable if the technique is bad, but lubrication is not an issue generally and you might prefer it.

I have read that it is good to try to increase touching and being touched outside of the context of sex.

And try more foreplay. It could be just that you are rushing it and you aren't ready.

[lady1158]

My boyfriend has an oral fetish so that's never really an issue for us. Only vaginal sex is painful.

[adam_k]

There can be a medical condition that makes it painful. Vaginismus I believe. I think female member may know more about this. Essentially it is tightening of the vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by lady1158

But whenever I have sex it's usually painful.

You said usually, not always. Maybe you're not quite totally enthusiastically ready, but you're doing it for your bf. I can see why that might hurt.

You could always try a sort of a "game" where he's passive and you do everything. Get on top. Be in control. Find out what feels good with no one pushing at you. Just as an experiment. Might find out some things.

[Harley47]

Adam brings up a good point. Vaginismus is an unwanted, rather...forceful...tightening of the vaginal walls that can make sex painful or impossible, depending on severity. Not saying that's necessarily the case, but it's a possibility. Why not bring up the issue next time you see your doctor?

Anyway, for now, my advice is making sure you're ready, so to speak...if he's not getting you adequately aroused, you're not going to be physically ready for anything, and it's not going to be comfortable. Foreplay is a hugely important step in the overall process.

Do take care, and I hope things improve for you.

Hugs,
Harley

[lady1158]

I just read a little bit of information on vaginismus. It sounds like it could be a definite possibility, but the only way to test for it is a pelvic exam. My first gynecologist exam has to be when I'm 21 if I'm not mistaken, so I have a few more years ahead of me. Thanks though!

[Inedible]

It is still an option to look up the condition and see if you can apply any of the suggestions for treating it. Some of them might be good in general, and without risk. The kegel exercises, for example.

Vaginismus: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

[Pandoren]

Your first routine exam may be when you are 21, but I'm fairly sure you can request an exam if you are having troubles in that department. After all, to a large degree, a gynaecologist is just a doctor specifically for your lady parts.

[lady1158]

I did think about booking an appointment, but in order to do that I'd have to talk to my parents about that.... Not something I really want to do unless its an emergency! I think its a good idea to do the kegel exercises for now and see if it helps me.

[hamster-bamster]

I am highly surprised that the exam is not due until age 21. Why 21? I can understand the cut-off at 21 for running for president, but not for a well woman exam. If you are sexually active, you need to have an exam.

[hamster-bamster]

What country are you in (and in the US, what state)?

[Harley47]

That does seem odd...and you know, I know that's the case in my state as well. :/ Granted, I'm relatively sure it's not state by state (a kidney in Iowa is a kidney in Montana...no need to change medical guidelines ), but I figured I'd throw that out there.

I guess it's sorta the same line of thinking as a prostate exam..."not needed" until age ___? Sorta flawed logic, but I suppose I can see the line of thinking. Certainly, this is different, but...I do understand Lady's dilemma.

And for the record, no...Lord knows, I'm not complaining a bit about the prostate exam age. I can wait. Promise.

[hamster-bamster]

I do not think that the prostate analogy is fitting. The risk of prostate cancer increases with age - CDC - Prostate Cancer Risk by Age. Therefore, there is a non-arbitrary reason to schedule exams starting at a certain age. Likewise, amniocentesis is recommended for pregnant women after a certain age for the same non-arbitrary reason: the risks increase with age. Colorectal cancer, same story - risk increases with age: CDC - Colorectal Cancer Risk by Age

In the case of sexual activity, the relevant part is whether a woman is sexually active, which is not determined by her age.

[adam_k]

I don't have lady parts so I don't know about this, but when females get stimulate, aren't the vaginal muscles suppossed to loosen up? I remember reading that somewhere.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Harley47

a kidney in Iowa is a kidney in Montana...no need to change medical guidelines

I was not talking about medical guidelines. Parental consent and notification guidelines vary by state. The guidelines are legal, not medical. Say in California parents stop having access to electronic health information about their child after age 12, but still have access to paper records for some more time (not sure for how long). It is a legal issue - not medical.

[Harley47]

Ah, duh...wow. For a prelaw major, sort of a fail there on my part. lol Forgive me there...may or may not have pulled an all-nighter, and my brain is just sorta floating along at the moment.

I do understand that sexual activity makes the need present regardless of age (hence the note in my post ). I was just referring to the (what I assume is...my knowledge of female physiology aside from the barest details is poor, to be generous to myself) arbitrary age of 21 for the recommendation to start the visit. Unless I'm again missing something there...which is more than possible at the moment.

And Adam, that is correct. It's supposed to relax to allow entrance. The muscles being improperly relaxed would make insertion uncomfortable or painful.

[lady1158]

I live in Minnesota, and I am also not sure if the laws are state to state or not. But anyway the required age to go to the gynecologist is 21, but you can certainly make an appointment if you are younger. But like I said in an earlier post, I'd have to talk to my parents to do that and that's not something I'm comfortable with unless its an emergency. I know everyone is going to tell me that I should talk to them anyway, but I'd rather deal with the pain, honestly. Haha.
And yes, the vagina is supposed to relax when stimulated, which it does for me... to a point. Not enough to be pleasurable, however. Does anyone know if it could be a size issue?

[adam_k]

My general doctor performs my wife's pelvic exams and pap smears. Is this something you can talk to your doctor about? Maybe just tell your parents you want a check up and have a private conversation with your doctor.

[adam_k]

Size can also be an issue. If he is large, than it could be painful until your body adjust to him. A baby can come out of there, so the muscle are possible to stretch. Does it become less painful as it continues or does it hurt the whole time?

[lady1158]

It usually becomes less painful after a while.

I believe you can go to Planned Parenthood if you don't want to involve your parents. Which brings up a whole other issue... what are you using for birth control if you've never been to an OB/GYN?? Why aren't you on the pill? You can go to Planned Parenthood and get the pill on your own and I don't think you have to pay for it. Not in Michigan, where I live, anyway. (Or, if you do, it's extremely cheap.) Sorry to lecture--really, I know I'm being a pain in the *****--but I've been in the medical field too long and seen too many unplanned pregnancies from condoms breaking. The pill is far better. Okay, end lecture. Anyway, if you go that route you could probably ask their OB/GYN about what's going on. They aren't really there for that purpose so you may get a cursory response but at least you'll get something.

[lady1158]

I already go to Planned Parenthood, and yes I'm already on the pill. Thanks for your concern though! I actually did make an appointment with them to look around down there, but they didn't find anything out of the ordinary and told me if I wanted a more thorough exam I would have to schedule it with an actual gynecologist because they couldn't help me for some reason.

[sewerrats]

mabye this guy is to big for you.

[lady1158]

That might be true. I have had one previous sexual partner who wasn't as big as my current one and it still hurt to have sex, but not as much as it does now..