[endoftheworld]

I'm 29 and still confused about HOW HARD an erection needs to be for penetration. Does a semi erect penis (50% hard) enough for penetration? Does it get stimulated once inside and thus maintaining the erection?...so it is the feeling of the penis being inside the vagina that creates the arousing feeling, right? Similar to what I would feel when I masturbate, stroking it with my hand?

Although I have been sexually active I'm still yet to successfully penetrate a woman and it is causing me much stress and I have contemplated suicide. I guess I'm seeing the actual penetration act as more of an mission that needs to be accomplished, like this big task that needs to be done...I'm like "right ok this is it, I'm going to actually put it in and lose my virginity." You see this is the consequence of waiting for so long....whereas for example I haven't taken kissing a girl in the same way, it's natural no big deal....if only I could see the same thing when it comes to intercourse.

[Mike_J]

There are a lot of factors that can and will effect your ability to penetrate a woman. You bring up the main one how erect you are, but also how well lubricated the woman is. And different positions make penetration more or less of a challenge. And once you achieve penetration that is no guarantee that you will become more erect. Yes there is stimulation once you have penetrated a woman but is it enough, once again lots of factors involved.

And stress is an erection KILLER.

I'm going to suggest a two pronged approach to the issue. Both involve talking to your doctor first, and blue pills.

Viagra is not magic but will help a lot with the erection issue, but that may not be enough if you are overly stressed.

So some Xanax (my generic pills are blue) or other anti anxiety medication to take some of the stress out of you.

And once you get over this hurdle in your life you might find that the medications are not needed. But often a mental barrier gets bigger and bigger the more you think about it, and once you are able to get past it, it won't be as much of an issue.

[hamster-bamster]

I think you should immediately engage professional help (MD or psychologist), since you have contemplated suicide.

[LiteraryLark]

Hey, at least it's not the endoftheworld. Don't be to hard on yourself. Rumor has it guys have a hard time getting hard if they haven't had sex in a long time, so the added stress makes it a mission impossible.

Don't focus on penetrating her. Focus on getting hard. Blowjobs are a great way for you to get aroused. What's easier, have her get on top of you so that she's putting your sex inside her. Try out different positions. As long as you're hard and she is physically ready, her body will accept you whether you're putting it in or she's climbing on top.

[endoftheworld]

Something I have thought about - whether my **** being large and of that heavy type actually takes more "effort" to maintain....you see I've noticed say with average erect penises around 5-6" inches, they all stand up nicely and firmly and they are maintained for a decent duration. That DOES NOT happen with mine and yeah I'm wondering whether it is because mine is infact too large which means I need more bloodflow down there which means more arousal required..?? I'm not sure. It could be this OR my compulsive masturbation habit to porn. I'm used to being stimulated by pictures mostly. Do you think this has caused me to be desensitized over time?? I have been trying to stop both masturbating and porn now for quite some time or reduce the frequency. It's not easy though if you're celibate.

Anyway, my other concern is this....as someone who has not had penetrative sex, I'm starting to panic and think have I just missed the best years of sex...? I've heard from 30 onwards, you start to have various challenges like the erection issues, more arousal needed etc etc. Is this true? I don't know how old you guys are but if someone older could tell me how has sex been throughout the decades? From your 20s to your 30s through to your 40s?

I guess I'm worried I feel like I've missed out, been robbed of something great because of my own fears due to my faith plus other factors possibly. Hence why I mentioned I feel suicidal at times over this. I'm angry, frustrated and disappointed with life. I know sex isn't everything and there is more to life but that's not an easy thing to accept if you get to my age and still haven't "done the deed."

[LiteraryLark]

There's no such thing as a penis being too big or too heavy. The vagina will stretch to fit any size penis and there are plenty of men with above average size penises who can get and stay hard with no problem.

I believe your problems are all inside your head. You are making way too big of a deal out of it and you're mentality is not allowing your penis to get hard enough. You are too awkward and uncomfortable with yourself=no confidence enough to stay aroused.

[WonderingNowWhat]

Endoftheworld, 55 yr old male here. Your best sex years are yet to come.

I have a question for you. Are you intimate with your partner prior to trying to having sex.
Meaning a lot of foreplay. Do you get turned on? Because for me... that is the catalyst. And if I'm turned on. I'm going to get an erection.

And being angry, frustrated and disappointed with life. Isn't going to help

But this is your biggest problem, your compulsive masturbation habit to porn.
You've got nothing left to give. Or you expect porno sex from your partner.
And you will meet lovers that are that way. But most people are not.
Lose the porn, learn some abstinence, and you will be more than ready for intercourse.
My 2c... good luck

Originally Posted by endoftheworld

Something I have thought about - whether my **** being large and of that heavy type actually takes more "effort" to maintain....you see I've noticed say with average erect penises around 5-6" inches, they all stand up nicely and firmly and they are maintained for a decent duration. That DOES NOT happen with mine and yeah I'm wondering whether it is because mine is infact too large which means I need more bloodflow down there which means more arousal required..?? I'm not sure. It could be this OR my compulsive masturbation habit to porn. I'm used to being stimulated by pictures mostly. Do you think this has caused me to be desensitized over time?? I have been trying to stop both masturbating and porn now for quite some time or reduce the frequency. It's not easy though if you're celibate.

Anyway, my other concern is this....as someone who has not had penetrative sex, I'm starting to panic and think have I just missed the best years of sex...? I've heard from 30 onwards, you start to have various challenges like the erection issues, more arousal needed etc etc. Is this true? I don't know how old you guys are but if someone older could tell me how has sex been throughout the decades? From your 20s to your 30s through to your 40s?

I guess I'm worried I feel like I've missed out, been robbed of something great because of my own fears due to my faith plus other factors possibly. Hence why I mentioned I feel suicidal at times over this. I'm angry, frustrated and disappointed with life. I know sex isn't everything and there is more to life but that's not an easy thing to accept if you get to my age and still haven't "done the deed."

[endoftheworld]

I think from having read various forums on this topic, nerves and anxiety can really influence how you go about this whole thing. I never thought it would be like this though. The longer you wait maybe the more difficult, bigger build up to the actual moment.

I still a worry though about maintaining erections. I was masturbating recently and found that I still need to touch myself and get aroused in order for that erection to be maintained. The moment I stop, it starts getting softer.

I watched mybrainonporn videos and yes there's plenty of information there. It mentions something called AROUSAL ADDICTION. What are your thoughts on this?

That's the affect of porn on the brain according to that. Everytime you look at porn, whether it's hardcore or softcore ( and btw I only look at softcore material) you are getting hits of dopamine in the brain over and over. And the brain cannot deal with this which leads to over-stimulation over time. It's similar to other addictions, say to drugs, alcohol etc.

[LiteraryLark]

I still believe you are making a bigger deal out of this than necessary. Addiction to porn means you watch it for hours at a time without being able to stop and won't be able to have sex with a woman without the help of it. A few minutes of porn a day will not hurt.

If you are so concerned, talk to your doctor. Your doctor will be of more help since you will more likely listen to him say the same thing than to us say the same.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by endoftheworld

I watched mybrainonporn videos and yes there's plenty of information there. It mentions something called AROUSAL ADDICTION. What are your thoughts on this?

That's the affect of porn on the brain according to that. Everytime you look at porn, whether it's hardcore or softcore ( and btw I only look at softcore material) you are getting hits of dopamine in the brain over and over. And the brain cannot deal with this which leads to over-stimulation over time. It's similar to other addictions, say to drugs, alcohol etc.

How do you know that it is INFORMATION?

What if that is MISINFORMATION?

Do you have a way of telling whether any random hit on the web is information or misinformation? If you do, how do you go about deciding which is which?