very worried about erections and maintaining them

I'll tell you briefly what's going on....

I'm getting close to 30 and although I have had serious long term relationships where I have been sexually active, haven't had intercourse before but have been masturbating on average once a day, from the age of 14...so that's obviously ALOT of self stimulating and orgasms of the last 15 years.
Now I'm wondering about my erections....I've read that an erection needs to have its hardness maintained for a sufficient period of time. I'm not sure if I can do that....for example I notice when I masturbate I can get my erection reasonably hard, although maybe not all that hard like 70%, but then as soon as I stop touching it, it will get softer...IS THIS NORMAL? I read that you need CONSTANT arousal in order to maintain erections...TRUE?

During the only two occasions where I tried to have sexual intercourse my erection, although hard to begin with, went soft. It didn't help me and my partner debating whether or not we were actually going to do it or not! However, I should mention that I CAN get hard if and when I kiss my gf or have a passionate embrace etc. OR when I recall something sexual from my past OR just see some porn WITHOUT having to touch myself.
For example the other week when I was kissing my gf out on the street, I noticed myself getting hard. But you see I'm worried because I'm not sure whether I can maintain it. So when I'm watching porn I will always have to touch myself in order to get hard and MAINTAIN it...if I let go and stop touching then it will eventually go soft even if I carry on watching the arousing material....I feel the hardness should be maintained even if I "switch off" right?? In order to keep the hardness I need to KEEP TOUCHING MYSELF AND HAVE AROUSING THOUGHTS/PICTURES. So in other words I don't think I can succesfully get hard and masturbate to orgasm just ON TOUCH ALONE....infact I don't think I ever have. But then this is where I'm confused...surely how on earth can you masturbate without some arousal!?!? I mean in order to get hard in the first place you need arousing material/thoughts/fantasy or an actual real life situation with the girlfriend (getting naked together, foreplay). I don't understand HOW YOU CAN GET HARD JUST FROM TOUCHING your penis....WITHOUT AROUSAL... I mean another question I have - how is arousal maintained during intercourse itself? I'm assuming the arousal itself comes from the feeling of being inside the vagina, correct? and then that in turn keeps the erection hard?

On top of all this confusion I realise I have other barriers which have probably affected my mental state of mind and as a result affect my erections when it comes to sexual activity...including my strong Christian background which has taught me that sex before marriage is wrong, uncertainty about the girlfriends I have been with (whether I really want to be with them or not etc.), my compulsive porn and masturbation habit.

So there are alot of other issues but 3 things I'm worried about -
1. whether my erection is hard enough for penetration in the first place
2. why my erection's hardness isn't maintained for the duration of sexual activity or why when I stop touching myself I will lose hardness
3. whether the "no sex before marriage" rule that I've held so strongly still has a hold on me

Thanks for reading, look forward to hearing from you

Ho there. I have kind of a similar problem - combined with an extremely low sex drive. I've been repeatedly advised to stop watching porn, which apparently could be the cause of this.

My advice: go see a doctor, and tell him your story. Suggest that he check your hormones, an await results. In the mean time, cut off all porn viewing. I'm told 2 months of abstinence will "reset" your sex drive, which, admittedly, sounds like utter ******** but hey - it's worth a shot.

Good luck to you and your glorious penis.

thanks for the response. Yes I'm reading more about the porn and masturbation and how they can both affect these problems I'm having. Again I don't know how accurate all these claims are...afterall we've been taught to believe that masturbation does not have any physical consequences.

endoftheworld I am female. So penile anatomy and issues, may not be my area of expertise. But I am married an have 3 kids. So I do know how the thing works. I am also a christian.

So question #1 is just how hard does hard have to be. Well depending on how wet your partner is, and position you are choosing makes a huge difference in this case. (Doggie seems to be the easiest) If this is her first time to then hard, real hard is a good idea. But if that is not the case. Simi hard is doable. Once you get it in there hardness will improve. Hardness is not necessarily the desired effect. From a woman's viewpoint, just something to fill up the space is often enough for a girl to be happy. Most of the sensation for a female is upon insertion anyway.

The stimulation received is usually enough to gain and maintain a stiff erection during sex. If for some reason it dies during sex. The result is a simple one. Remove and resume pleasuring her until a stronger erection is reached, re insert and continue. That gives here the opportunity to keep up her arousal. Since sex solely is likely not enough for her satisfaction it gives opportunity to have the best of both worlds.

Have you considered pumps or other toys as an option to gain a harder erection. Meds are an option, but toys are so much funner, and might be just as effective. Worth a try.

Question #2. You do not need constant arousal to keep it up. One's body knows what to do no arousal necessary. (that is why so many folks have a hard time w/ rape, there body responded to touch even though there mind did not want it to) You can get an erection in your sleep from someone else s touch or from dreams. So state of arousal is not necessarily the issue. Though it does help to keep it hard.

#3. Issues w/ Christianity. Well I to am a christian. I had premarital sex. That was wrong, I know that. But at the time I didn't care. But if you view pron and like that, is that Christian? We both know the answer to that.( I have read the same thing about porn that you have, it destroys your sex life, I don't see how, seems to enhance it to me, but what do I know) I, by the way, need to ask for forgiveness for my own personal viewing habits. (I like porn) Is there some law somewhere that says you can't watch pron while having sex. I think not. That is an option you may wish to look into. My H and I have done that before. He found a blond, like me, and the guy was no dog either,and it was clear that my H by no means wanted to be doing the girl in the movie, but that seemed to give his mind the mental boost to achieve the desired result for him. And It was an entertaining option to see that guy from the movie and feel my H. That does work both ways. The meds I take make it very hard to reach the point of "O". But if I watch an oral sex scene and my H performs oral on me then the result is much more likely to happen.

So in other words do what works for you or for yall. If you are having sex w/ someone you should be able to explain your needs and concerns. And how to best get you needs met as well as hers.

Well between me and you both, I think we have included enough info to get this thread thrown out. I hope not. Because it is a very ligitimate concern. And nothing gross or nasty has been said here. Not gross or nasty , but Human. And our mental health is affected by our sexual health as well.

I've never seen a guy taking viagera but i heard those tablets make it stay high for a long time