whats it like to live with a man?

My fiancee and I share a life together and I have found it, so far, to be quite nurturing and comforting. We are both very physical people and enjoy being close to each other; touch is very important to us. It's not that we don't have differing opinions and sometimes argue; we do. It's impossible not to, unless one or both people are being at least a little dishonest, because we are all different people. But we communicate, and that's the most important thing. Sometimes our conversations are downright uncomfortable but I always feel lighter afterward, and grateful to have had it out. I think the thing to remember is that all relationships are different, and that you will discover what is important to you and what works for you, and what kind of person is a good match for you, and hopefully be able to honor that for yourself.

being with a man also means letting him see your flaws and you seeing his - like farting during sex.....a kiss that turns into an unwarned belch....figuring out whose going to do what on a daily basis.......whose smelly socks were those anyways....working through finacial issues....how do you decide what to buy with who's money...... and the list goes on and on....and when you both get older and your skin starts sagging and one of you doesn't see the stains around the toilet.....will you still love each other and take care of each other? good luck.

SoTrue!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love living with my hubby. It's like a permanent slumber party with my best friend. It works because we give each other space, and both try to do our fair share. I got lucky really as my man does a lot round the house and is very sweet and caring, and tolerates me being a neat freak...

I hope he likes cuddling when he's not in the mood too but ok.

Your marriage sounds good, i like it

thanks

Wow! Your marriage is definitely my favourite

In short... there'll be times you'll be glad you're living together, but there'll also be times when he'll drive you up the wall.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past 8 months (wow, times flies...) and in no particular order...
- we can kiss and cuddle whenever we want, without having to deal with any nosy roomies or family, and that's great
- we split the bills, the food etc., which is a huge help for both of us
- we do things around the house together (cooking, cleaning, groceries...) and they don't feel as much of a chore as when I used to do them alone
- sleeping together is one of the things I love most about us... now, I can't fall asleep unless he's there or I know he's coming soon.

On the downside though, there are times he's driving me crazy. He doesn't pick up after himself sometimes, so the garbage piles up on the kitchen counters and he leaves it there for days. Or if I don't do the laundry, he won't do it either because he 'doesn't know how' (I've shown him, but he still claims it! :P ). And my personal pet peeve, sometimes he ignores everything he has to do (school, chores...) to play videogames, like he's 15 and I'm his mum But those times at least are few and far between.

Anyway, I don't regret moving in with him and I can def. see us growing old together.

Sounds really nice

My crush is older like 36 [and he will be 39 when i am available] so maybe he won't be as messy as a boy my age. I doubt i will get a job [except for more babysitting] so i can do all the housework maybe anyway

39 is too old for someone whose 18, heck it's too old for me and I'm 24! You need to find someone around your own age... you'll have absolutely nothing in common with a 39 year old, you're completely different stages in life.

I agree. When I was 20 I gave up a future with my high school sweetheart (3 months before our wedding) for a man 20 years my senior. We got engaged but after 4 years I ended it. Giving up my plannd future for him was a big mistake that I pay for every day ... Even 33 years later. He would now be 73 and I can't imagine still being with him.

If I'm not mistaken, the young lady in question here isn't EVEN 18. She was talking about waiting UNTIL she's 18 to be romantically involved with the man whose children she babysits. In fact, if I'm correct, she is 15.

Olive, I say this as kindly as possible. You are still a child. You are not ready to think about living with a man yet. Stay in school, get your own life straightened out, and THEN think about romance. Because if you think living together is all about hugging and kissing and cuddling, you are definitely still too immature. There, I sat on it for a day or two, and decided to say it.

You say you don't think you'd be able to get a job besides babysitting? Why is that? That's what you need to work on, not being romantic with some man old enough to be your father. Get your mind off sex and put in on school work where it belongs.

I need to note that if I sound harsh, it's because I was the same way. At 15, my thinking was like, "Oh, marriage marriage marriage, men men men, life is all about romance and having a husband, and when I'm married everything is going to be rosy from then on." I thought the absolute worst thing that could happen to me was to end up being an old maid, and I also thought that the sooner a girl got married, the hotter and more attractive it meant she was. So, my goal was to be married as soon as possible. No, when I babysat, I was never so brazen and inappropriate as to lie down on their father's bed and fantasize being married to him, but I certainly did have a romanticized, overly ideal image in my head about what marriage was like. This despite my mother's multiple divorces.

At 18, I moved in with an older man, simply because nobody could legally forbid me. Was it the right thing to do? No. Was it good for me? No. But my mother couldn't tell me not to, so I did.

He was an alcoholic who physically abused me and used sex selfishly. By that I mean, he treated me like I was an object. I might as well have been a knot in a tree stump, for all the feelings he had for me. As long as he was satisfied, that was all that mattered to him. I also existed to cook and clean for him, but not to be loved by him. This was 30 years ago. Has society not progressed beyond this point yet? Are teenage girls still being taught that they exist to serve a man, and it doesn't matter how she is treated in return? And are they still led to believe that living together is all about snuggle snuggle snuggle?

Maybe if someone had told me to concentrate on myself, instead of putting my energy into wanting to be romantic with a man, I would have frozen them out. But that's what I've learned, so I had to try anyway.

(15 year olds are still going to think about boys; it's unrealistic to think she is only going to think about school! And I think her imagination is more romantically focused than just on "sex.")

But I do suggest you date boys in your own age range. You are going to miss out on alot waiting for someone so much older than you, who you are likely not to have much in common with, even at 18. Slow down, take your time, and have fun! There is no reason to be in a hurry to grow up.

It is both the most wonderful thing and the world and the worst! You really have to decide what is important to you.

I went back and edited my post to explain my attitude. But I do note that someone has tagged this thread, as you'll notice at the bottom of the page, "let's talk sex." And if you've seen some of her other posts...

I also forgot to mention to make good friends that will be there for you when life does get hard....some of them will be your support system. And some of them later will drift off as they marry and have kids, whether you do or don't...people move, people change. But hold on to the people who matter most now for as long as you can....your friends and/or family will most likely be there long after some boy is gone.

I noticed something else you said, stating that you'd be okay to be with someone who calls you names because you get along well with people. If your mate is calling you names, that's verbal abuse, and should never be tolerated. Abuse hurts and scars, even when it's not physical.

I think you said you'd be 18 in three years, which means you're 15 now. I agree with the others that you should look for someone more your age. I dated a 49-year-old man when I was in my early 20s, and it didn't last long, plus, now that I'm older, I can see he took advantage of my youth and naivete. You should slow down and not be ready to jump into a major relationship right now, or even when you're 18. That's not to say you can't find that special someone while you're young, but you should focus on learning and educating yourself now, and that includes in romantic areas. Learn a bit about feminism...women and men should be equal in a relationship (and not just in romantic relationships).

I agree with the above posters and want to point out that the fact I didn't do what was best for me at age 18, but did it based on the fact that I could not legally be forbidden, means that I was acting immaturely. I was a legal adult, but I wasn't thinking like one. Therefore the "age is just a number" argument, before it gets made, was irrelevant in my case. If I had been mature enough to do what was best for me, which would have meant not moving in with an older alcoholic who abused me, who by the way I had met only the day before, *then* age would have been just a number.

I find it a pain in the arse. I am an independent person and don't like having to answer to anyone. Now, of course, it depends on the man as well. If you have similar interests and get along well it will probably be ok. But, there will be issues...that's a given. I just don't like being questioned when I walk in the door an hour later than usual from work. I hate having to explain myself to someone else and like to do what I want when I want. All depends on you and how you get along with your man.

I dated a man who was older than my father and it eventually felt like he was looking for an image to boost his esteem and looking for a woman to "take care" of him so he would not have to be self reliant on "trivial" matters like cooking and cleaning. I told him to hire a domestic helper if that was what he wanted. Our ages did make a difference too in how we saw what was important in life. I wanted to plan my life that still lay before me and he was looking to be comfy and go nowhere.

Age difference does influence each person's perspective in life. Often the differences influence how we see situations and can cause strife when perspectives differ. One person has lived life longer than another and their physical abilities influence what they can or cannot do as well as they used to, or one has seen enough and is more satisfied with life while the other is still curious and longing to experience things. Either the older one cannot keep up like they wish they could or the younger one is getting bored with the lack of enthusiasm or energy of the older partner.

I would recommend experiencing a bit of life and trying more options before you settle into domesticity.

My marriage works because I looked for the right person. I was in an awful relationship from age 18 to 25.

I feel guilty now as I'm dealing with a lot of old stuff in T and my hubby is having to do so much as I'm struggling - my achievements yesterday were getting out of bed, putting on one load of laundry and going to my Zumba class.

But as he says, marriage is about give AND take.

I could never go with a boy my age cos in the last couple of years i got forced to undress and was touched privately by a boy my age that i trusted and was my friend for years! and then another thing happened this year by a teen at a pool party under the water, so i never want to be close with teen boys its too unpredictable and scary :s

We talked for more than an hour last night after he came home, and he could have asked me to go home but instead talked for more than hour and he asked me questions over and over and over about everything like tennis and fashion and school. He likes the things i like

Good point!

Did you tell anyone about that? You should. That's not right, and it could even be illegal for them to do those things to you. You always have the right to say no - no matter how old or young or "friends" or not.

I have a great relationship with my husband. We are like partners for everything. But he's almost exactly my age and we're both in our 40's. At fifteen I didn't know as much about life and partnership and friendship and sharing as I do now. I had a lot of learning to do before I was ready for a real, loving, committed relationship. I had crushes on older guys and I thought I was in love, but that wasn't real love. I wanted some happy fairy tale romance thing, and that's just not how real relationships are. There's a lot of work and compromise and not getting things all my way. It's still really great to have someone I can talk to and snuggle with and share my happys and sads with. But that's not all there is. There's farts and puking and moldy cheese in the fridge and dirty dishes and bills and broken sinks, too.

I'm having trouble following this whole thread... does this older guy have a wife? If he does, then he already has a relationship and doesn't need another one. And if he DOES want another one, that's not good. If a guy is already in a relationship, and then he wants one with you, too. That's not fair to the first relationship at all. I mean, how would you like to be with somebody, then find out they really wanted to be with somebody else? What if your partner LEFT you for someone else? How would you feel? And would you want to do that to anyone else?

I think you are a bit too young for this sort of thing, myself. Life was a lot different when I was fifteen than it was when I was twenty. And it's a lot different now. I'M a lot different, and the boyfriend I wanted when I was fifteen is NOT the sort of guy I want to be with today. You have a lot of time to grow and learn and develop a good relationship with YOURSELF before you need to worry about developing a relationship with anyone else.

I have lived with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and despite people basically saying it's overrated, it's great for me. I go to school, but when I come home, we can hug and kiss whenever we want. I can randomly just go up to him and give him a great big hug. Whenever I feel like it. Unless he's asleep, in which I need to respect his time to rest. Being with my boyfriend so much is great, really. I wouldn't have it any other way. He snores, but that is what a couch is for. If his snoring bothers me, I sleep on the couch. It's not a horrible situation at all. The couch is pretty comfortable. Waking up next to my boyfriend is the best. He makes me not want to get out of bed to go to school hehe. He doesn't work; he is trying to get on disability. When we watch tv, we have to watch in the bedroom because we live with his mom who uses the living room. But that just means we are on the bed whenever we watch tv, and I can cuddle up next to him and he will hold me all afternoon. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I never told anyone because it was my fault because i did not know that friends can see you as more than friends. i thought because he was just a friend i could wear anything and he would not see me as a 'girl'. he was helping me with homework and my parents weren't home and i was in my nightie with no underwear and he pushed my nightie off and fing*r*d and he said i wanted it coz i was w*t.
And at a pool party this year i never told anyone about a boy that i never knew before and only met at the pool party [under water he rubbed his p*nis on my bottom] but i never went to a party ever again.

i know girls who get crushes on older guys as you do but mine seems different. i have a biology problem where my breathing and secret place were reacting to older guys a lot cos that's my strange problem that i want to make love to the guys that i have a crush on. it happened since the pool party event. i agree i don't know about life and partnership and friendship and sharing. but i still want my boss really badly and i wish i could be in his arms every day so that's why i think of marriage. but i guess i could settle for just living with him cos its similar as long as he never leaves me. his wife died when she was giving birth to his son

Your relationship is really fun-sounding, i like it a lot