if you are under age but you are with a guy that is older how do you know which is ok

if you are under age but you are with a guy that is older how do you know which is against the law/sexual and which is ok? is a hug or cuddle sexual? is a kiss on the cheek? is it ok to flirt cleavage or bottom or go nude (if its a nude beach for sure)?

Olive, the first guy I was with who took advantage of the situation was 19 I was 15. At the time the age difference didn't seem to be an issue. I thought the 15 and younger statutory rape thing took all the fun out of stuff. But after becoming an adult, I can see where the ease of manipulation, the not completely developed since of right and wrong increased the chances of what did happen to me to happen to others as well. Though at your tender age, it is hard to see and understand there are reasons not to mess w/ older guys or girls which ever.

When I was 17 I dated a guy who was 24. Not statotory rape age but still he knew the laws and was very careful not to do anything that could get him into trouble. He was the one night stand I lost it to though. Which I will never regret. He was the utmost respectful and did everything in how power to make it memorable.

The only other guy I dated well. I was 18 and he was 28, divorced and had a child. Not lots memorable about that dude. Lots of poor quility sex.

Then I met my Husband. It was on my 19th birthday, and he was 5 months older then me. We waited to until he asked me to marry him to have sex. Still married to him.

So age is something to keep in mind. Immaturity in brain development is why you should wait. Keep your clothes on dear. My uncle went to prison for 3 years. He took pictures of a girl with his cell phone, who looked over 18 was was dressed skimpy. She was 16, had on no undies. My uncle should not have been doing that. He got what he deserved, but I do not want that to happen to an older man who might look at you the same way. You have to be careful what you are advertising.

i definitely feel the way you did about the rules taking fun out of my crush being so yummy. i wonder if he knows how i feel near him!
a man pointed his phone near my knees on the train so i could have been her almost :/
wish i had your knowledge mama but at least i have your advice
my mum never talks about guys orwhat she knows about guys.
i will try not to do anything to trouble anyone. i wear no undies sometimes but i wear a dress that covers me up!

Big Mama gives wonderful advice...at a young age, the capacity to make decisions of such a magnitude is significantly lessened. lol I know for me, I was still making pretty craptastic love life decisions at 18, though thankfully nothing that would rob me of the whole special first time notion that I personally hold dear to myself. Just a really, really bad emotional thing.

Either way (and before I drift off on my own life stories), I think it is best to wait...I would say that if you have reservations (which by virtue of asking us, you at least have some) then you're not fully ready. Not a bad thing, that...just means that you've some thinking to do on the matter.

Pragmatically speaking to your question, what constitutes statutory rape in Australia isn't, potentially, exactly what it is here, and even here it varies by state. Simple and clothed cuddling and what not should be okay in the eyes of the law, but sexual contact (sex itself, sexual touching...speaking simply, if you wouldn't do it in public, as a far over simplified manner of speaking) is a no go. But overall, I would wait if I were you...he is running a huge legal risk, and I think for you, by virtue of your age, it would be beneficial to wait.

Hugs,
Harley

1) Is it OK to flirt cleavage?

How can it NOT be OK - meaning, not legal, right? The laws are to protect YOU. Since the action of flirting the cleavage is completely and solely on your part, there is nothing to protect you from. I do not know about Australia, but assuming that it is similar to the States, the government protects you from your own actions or from the high likelihood of your own actions only in one specific case - when you have a suicidal plan. Then you are placed on a locked unit against your will. That is the only situation in which the government protects you from you. Same with nudity on the nude beaches - you take your own clothes off so there is no action on his part and nothing to protect you from.

2) Is a kiss on the cheek OK? Per local laws and their interpretations. A kiss on the cheek would be an action on HIS part, and, as such, may very well not be OK.

Since your questions are very specific - cuddle, etc, I would write to your local police department and ask for their guidance.

You are hinting at having a different question altogether, though - knowing that the guy you are sort of being a little flirtatious with may go to prison for certain actions, is it OK to still be flirtatious with him, knowing the consequences for him? This is a valid question, but not a legal question. Legally, you can do whatever you want.

The question on whether it is OK being flirtatious knowing that crossing certain boundaries would land the guy in prison will remain with you even after you get some - hopefully, concrete and specific - guidance from your local police department, because if you engage in an act A that HAS been approved by the police department, you should realize that the act A might, through a more or less expected sequence of events, lead to an act B that HAS NOT been approved. So you would be tempting the guy, still. I am not saying that it is wrong, I am just pointing out that you should realize that you are doing what you are doing. Legally speaking, though, the responsibility for his actions is always on him and you are not responsible - that is a technically and narrowly correct answer to your inquiry. He should always control himself, regardless of your actions.

From everything that you have written, it seems that you are on good terms with the guy you are babysitting for and may want to visit nude beaches with, and if that is the case, you probably do not want the guy in prison... right? So probably just wait a little bit and then you can do whatever you want, without anybody going to prison.

Prior to 1991, you would have been one year shy of official marriageability...

Marriage Act 1961 (Australia) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is more or less what you are looking for, with a random example of Florida.

"13 to 16
If a person who is over the age of 24 engages in a sexual relationship with a person aged 12 to 16, Florida statute 794.05 considers this action lewd and lascivious battery. If there is no sexual intercourse, but just touching of a person aged 12 to 16, according to Florida statute 800.04, the adult has committed lewd and lascivious molestation. Both of these crimes carry a maximum 15-year prison sentence and a $10,000 fine.

http://www.ehow.com/list_6794219_laws-adult-dating-minor-florida.html#ixzz2RLJomfv0"

To the extent the Florida law on the lewd and lascivious molestation covers all touching, broadly - notice that the language of the law does not contain INAPPROPRIATE touching (which makes sense, because "inappropriate" is hard to define), but refers to ALL TOUCHING, instead, your examples with hugs and kisses would easily qualify for lewd and lascivious molestation in the state of Florida.

Again, you need to know your local law.

Also, you should realize that if you appear nude with a guy on a nude beach, somebody - a third party - might report the guy to the authorities and the guy would not have an easy time with the law even if he were to prove innocence in the end. By the time he would be done with the legal ordeal, he might be cursing the day he met you... is that what you want?

So... wait a bit.

Correct Hamster. It might not all be illegal. But the things that are illegal, how would you feel if being flirty landed this man in jail. You would feel terrible. If it is the guy you are babysitting for, what will happen to his kids when there daddy goes away for looking inappropriately at a minor.

Like I said my uncle spent 3 years in prison for taking pictures of underage girls. And they tempted him, and he assumed they were over 18 because they sure did look like it. Those girls encouraged him, and my uncle paid the price. But he was the one w/ the phone camera, and he did take the pictures. So in a way he got what he deserved.

Just think things threw before tempting an older man. Plus if you play w/ fire you might get burnt.

YES.

Also, to cross the t's etc.

There are also laws on what is called "indecent exposure".

These laws intend to protect the public from you rather than you from the possible actions of the guy. So they are completely separate.

You seem to be aware of them, because you qualified the possibility of going nude - you said "on a nude beach for sure", and a nude beach is usually a designated place for public nudity.

In the context of such laws, it could be that you cannot be found guilty of the violation of these laws if you are a minor.

It seems that the exposure of the genitals is the subject of such laws, and even that, potentially only when accompanied by other things - " In some jurisdictions exposure of the genitals alone does not constitute an offence unless accompanied by an indecent act, indecent behaviour, grossly indecent behaviour, obscenity, intention to cause offence or deliberate intention" - so flirting the cleavage should not be consequential, for sure.

Indecent exposure - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You are in Melbourne. Isn't there some sort of free legal service you can consult to ask about the local laws, and how they apply to your situation.

And how long until you turn 18, anyway?

Harley true its best for both of us to wait i guess. imagining it in bed is fun enough i think and talking to him with my hand on my thigh is crazy nice!

i turned 15 in march this year.

Hambam thanks you help a lot! oh i see how the law works now so if i take my clothes off to make him happy its not his fault but if he kisses me its his fault. i sat on his hot lap for a sweet cuddle but i say thats my fault for jumping on. i wonder how the law even finds out :s

its ok i met a lady on the bus that i go to sunnyside nude beach in and she said to sit with her so i did and now we are bosom buddies
when i was on the way home from school last year i sucked my finger cos its a habit and my gf said businssmen on the train were staring cos guys see it as a tempt. its a nuisance how much things matter now

Olive I agree. It is a shame the wold has come down to turning such minor things into sexually related things. My H and I went out for ice cream and the way I ate the ice cream must have been an issue, because asked me if I would please stop doing that. I promise it wasn't to be mean. I was just licking my ice cream. GOSH.

Though I may have been known to tantilize males in the past w/ eating banana's and foot long hot dogs. My Bad. oops

Olive, I just want to inform you that the root cause of your suffering is the legislative intent, on the part of the government of Australia back in 1991, to put boys and girls on an equal footing and do away with gender discrimination. Before 1991, girls could marry at 16 and boys at 18 - which made sense because girls do, objectively, mature earlier in physical and non-physical ways, on average. In an effort to do away with gender discrimination, the government raised the age of marriageability for girls to that which had been in place for boys.

I hope that as you go through your life, you will not just suffer from the well-intentioned efforts to equalize genders, but also benefit from them, in that you would:

- be paid same wages as men get for same type of labor, and not earlier
- have equal opportunity with men in anything you want to pursue
- have domestic partners, husbands or not, who share in the responsibility for the upkeep of the household
- the father(s) of you future child(ten) would spend a substantial amount of time with the children after the children become big enough to be weaned

etc. etc.

and also my mum makes me wear clothes over my panties at breakfast cos her partner lives with us and must have a panty phobia or she has a phobia about him seeing
cos before he moved in i was allowed to wear just underwear if i liked.

thank you hambam
i agree then about the equaling of male-female, its fair overall for sure!
i agree about me maturing faster than boys i guess cos i feel as mature as my boss.