[hamster-bamster]

So... you clearly know how to give advice even though you are only 19 and when/if I develop a serious interest in BDSM, I will go back to your posts on the subject because I will have trust in your knowledge.

I opened the account on OkCupid on Thanksgiving, without expecting responses as people, I thought, were busy eating turkey with their families. I was wrong. I got a lot of instant responses.

Clearly with this kind of traffic on the least busy day of the year one does not need dating siteS in plural - one OkCupid will suffice... so thanks... you do know your stuff, for sure.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think it's a great start! I am still a bit nervous about online dating but I have checked out a few sites. If I think of any others, I will let you know. You can try meetup.com if you want to find singles groups in your area, or even people who have hobbies, etc.. like you. Have fun!

[hamster-bamster]

I have already blocked someone who wrote a two page letter mentioning a 25 year old son, a granddaughter, working hard, godloving, and evenings together with that speclal lady. Did not read carefully enough to pick up anything else but that was sufficient for me to block the guy so I see where people who give me warnings about the site are coming from.

[hamster-bamster]

It has been working well in terms of getting to know nice people, but unfortunately they are too nice for me.

[Harley47]

Too nice? How so, if you don't mind me asking?

[hamster-bamster]

Sure. It is my problem - I get attracted to people who mistreat me. So on OkCupid I met people who are perfectly nice, well educated, with good professional standing, good manners, nice attitude, decent English, attentive, interested, courteous, fill in the blanks with other positive attributes... and I just do not get attracted.

Also, one person was just way too geeky for my taste. Just, you know, nerdiness squared. No, cubed.

[hamster-bamster]

Regarding the geek, I have not said "no" yet. I might still go out with him for a second time and see - maybe I can get adjusted to him. He himself verbalized the problem for me when he said that when a woman dates in Silicon Valley, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd". This is so very true - I have not had failures so far, as everyone who looked me up wanted a second date, but boy, are the goods odd!

But maybe I should learn to live with the nerdiness or else I would be alone in this Valley.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Harley47

Too nice? How so, if you don't mind me asking?

So that you understand the degree to which that guy who is too geeky is too geeky - he has written a book on programming in PERL.

[hamster-bamster]

But I have not encountered the problem of fake personalities - say, the guy who has authored a book on PERL gave me his employment place (which I know - it is next to mine), first and last name, etc. And by the way he talks it is clear that he is what/who he says he is - I am not a coder but I have worked with coders enough to have learned how they behave, talk, smile, etc.

[Harley47]

Well, to each their own...never considered the prospect of "too nice" as off putting, though I guess that can be perceived as being a pushover or only politely interested? Dunno...huh, wonder if I do that. :/

lol Anyway, programmer guy sounds kinda cool. No idea what PERL is, but to have written a book on it is impressive.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Harley47

Well, to each their own...never considered the prospect of "too nice" as off putting, though I guess that can be perceived as being a pushover or only politely interested? Dunno...huh, wonder if I do that. :/

lol Anyway, programmer guy sounds kinda cool. No idea what PERL is, but to have written a book on it is impressive.

I agree that it is impressive. It takes a lot of perseverance and focus to write a big book, and these are qualities I respect.

Do not worry about whether you come across as being too nice - it is just my little individual problem that I find nice people off putting, hopefully you associate with girls who are more normal and appreciative of you.

[hamster-bamster]

Randy is the name of the guy who wrote a book on PERL, a programming language. I looked up the book; it was published by O'Reilly, the premier publishers in tech, and has been well reviewed. I will go out with him on Sunday. I basically see two problems with him. One, he is too geeky. Some of his mannerisms are plain weird. The other, he could have been slenderer - I prefer trimmer men. But with the latter "weakness", at least I am overweight, too (just not to THAT extent - I am just "saftig") so I can tell myself to appreciate him for the person he is and disregard his belly. The nerdiness is his and his only - I am not in the least nerdy/geeky, and I do not have weird mannerisms.

Another positive aspect about him - he identifies as polyamorous but reports only one relationship he himself calls "secondary" for both parties involved: she is married and lives within an hour and a half drive so they do no see one another often. So he basically offers all the benefits of polyamory in that he is not jealous (I gave him an intro to my current guys) without all the costs in that he has a lot of time available for me should I want it.

So the question will be - do I want his time and affection.

On Sunday I will try to overcome being repulsed by the belly and the nerdiness/geekiness. I will try to appreciate the many positive things he has to offer. If I cannot, I cannot, but at least I will give it a try.

[hamster-bamster]

Had a very nice date with him. Was able to overcome his geekiness. Still, he is a tad too heavy for me. Other than that he is OK. I will see him when I am back from Europe. He said several truly comforting things. For instance, he was once in a r/s with a woman who had suffered from abuse and and if anything, some minor thing went wrong she would be in tears fearing that he would kill her / lose his temper, because her past male partners behaved like that. He was steadfast, persuading her that he would not lose his temper, that he is not this kind of man, and ultimately she developed trust in him. Eventually they broke up as lovers but remain best friends (she is now married). I was impressed. He also reports being friendly with all exes. Not me, that is for sure. So I was impressed, again.

What did you do to get so many responses? I've had several accounts on there and usually delete because I'm so embarrassed that I have it up at all. Well, that and I have no idea what to put as my sexuality anymore...that and I never have any idea what to write for the essays. I think it gets worse the more I try.

It seems like the site should be a good thing...I guess I don't know how to use it.

[LiteraryLark]

I've only had one date in over a year, I was about to delete it before I met my boyfriend.

You have to work for your dates or wait for the right time. It's very stressful, which is why I had it disabled most of the time.

[hamster-bamster]

You are the End, if you are a woman I can tell you what to put in the profile to get many responses but if you are a man I cannot help.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

You are the End, if you are a woman I can tell you what to put in the profile to get many responses but if you are a man I cannot help.

So you are a man - I learned it from your other thread. I do not know what keywords are the winning ones for men. Someone on the bipolar forum once listened to a program on the radio that was about winning (winning as proven by research of various dating sites) keywords in profiles for women. She remembered all the keywords and graciously posted them for me since she knew I was about to register for online dating. I used all the keywords except for "small town" and "girl next door" because those two did not describe me but other did. I wrote a simple profile on the basis of these keywords. Plus, the picture was taken by a professional photographer and this is an absolute must, I think.

Huh? I'm female...
So what are the winning keywords. Although it doesn't matter as I don't have any professional pictures that aren't several years old. I don't care if I generate tons of traffic, but would get maybe one or two. Or any number greater than zero.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Huh? I'm female...
So what are the winning keywords. Although it doesn't matter as I don't have any professional pictures that aren't several years old. I don't care if I generate tons of traffic, but would get maybe one or two. Or any number greater than zero.

I will post the keywords as soon as I log on from a laptop - I do not remember them and from the phone it is too much trouble.

Ok, thanks!

Also, I was wondering what I said made me appear to be male? Maybe I just come across as too masculine and that's probably part of why people aren't attracted to me.

[hamster-bamster]

I have to review your posts to recall what made me assign the wrong gender to you. Again, I cannot do it using the phone.

So why do you think that professional pics from a few years back are bad? Have you changed a lot since?

Well, they were back when I was a teenager and I'm not sure if was legal back then or not (I don't really know the law very well as it doesn't matter to me anymore). And I had a completely different hair color.

[hamster-bamster]

If you have changed the color of your hair, you need new pics.

I have a more recent picture up and although it isn't professionally done, it's pretty good quality.

One person sent me a message (a guy though), but for all I know, he sent the same message to every girl he could find and I just responded to be polite. This was after about 30 views without any messages by other people.

To be honest, I wish we didn't have to put what our sexuality is, because I don't know. The only thing I could do is choose "bi" and block the guys, but then no one will message me unless it's something sarcastic. I just have no interest in any guys on there. Never have. But I also can't change my sexuality to "gay" because couldn't that be false advertising? It's not that I've never liked a guy ever...

[hamster-bamster]

Oh, I see. That IS a problem. I can tell you that I put straight because this is what I am and clearly have been since age three, but I was once contacted by a bi guy, last month, a private jet pilot. I did chat with him even though it was unsolicited.