OkCupid is too good, thanks DrSkipper

Thank you Harley! Yes, according to his story which I do not have reasons to doubt, he went to great lengths. The woman expected him to lose his temper every time she (in her mind of course) did something wrong - because her previous partner did that. Randy, every time it happened, assured her that he is not this kind of guy, that he would not lose his temper, and that she did nothing wrong in the first place. And that repeated again and again, many times, until the woman became more confident and less fearful. That he had the patience to repeat the same thing to the woman again and again without getting annoyed that she is not getting the message instantly is great, I think. I imagine that it would have been difficult for me to say the same reassuring sentence again and again.

Something came up in my personal life and with a deadline, so I spent all day writing a letter yesterday, reshceduling Randy for next Sunday. So no report from me at all.

Aw well that sucks. Hope whatever you're working with gets resolved soon.

I emailed Randy saying that I have not cooked in several months, to lower his expectations about the food part of the date.

lol I'm sure you'll be fine Hamster. As a guy, I think I speak for most of my gender in saying that if you cook it, 99% of the time we'll eat it with a smile on our face.

Randy liked the food. We kissed a bit and I did not particularly like it, so I told him that unfortunately I needed to do something for the rest of the evening because in truth I wanted to think more about it. Before he left, he rubbed my bare arms end to end in a simple way and I liked it very much. Overall I am unsure of my next steps. I will see him again and play it by ear.

Oh and for the record he told me that he takes a medication for anxiety but did not refill it in time so ran out and apologized in advance of the evening, but I did not notice anything unusual.

Randy has been writing long letters and in the last one invited to celebrate his birthday at his apartment on Sunday night. This opens up the dilemma for me again: what to do after dinner. I guess I will play it by ear. I accepted his invitation.

On the plus side, the letters are written in perfect English without ANY lapses, not even lapses in punctuation, and since this is something I care deeply about, I find it encouraging.

hamster what is your okcupid username?

Let me keep it private .

Re: Randy's mental health: during the last dinner, he dropped the word "Asperger's" talking about fitting in socially while in school; I was not clear if it was his official dx. That is OK, either way.

He changed his plans re: birthday. He decided that his apartment was too cluttered for him to invite me. I was surprised; he visited me a couple of weeks ago and I highly doubt that his (or anybody's, for that matter) apartment is more cluttered than mine, but whatever. So we had dinner at a restaurant instead. Nothing more.

Attn people into BDSM: apparently OKC has a niche for those interested.

I have just logged on, after a several month long hiatus, and got offered the following match:

Submissive white male exploring BDSM and looking for a Dominant Alpha Female of any race

The guy's posted profile picture shows a huge ocean wave and (apparently) him surfing - quite impressive. And he is 32 so not too old even for 20-somethings.

I am not into dominance so I will hide his profile, but just wanted to comment that OKC is BDSM-friendly, or so it seems.

I joined OKC because of this thread. Am also into BDSM, so I will look out for like-minded people.

I think you are right, because, at least from what I have seen mentioned in passing, OKC was founded by math geeks from Harvard so somebody more or less serious is in charge of the algorithm, data storage, uptime, etc., and, for another, it is very big and well funded (acquired by match.com which is probably the first and biggest paid subscription dating site, OkCupid | CrunchBase Profile).

As a result, it seems to make more sense to find a "niche" such as BDSM (or, anything on Earth) inside OKC than to look for stand-alone "niche" dating sites that do not have OKC's resources and client base and would most likely go out of business eventually. At least that with polyamory - somebody recommended some kind of a polyamory website on here many months ago; I visited it once - HORRIBLE web design, just horrible as if we were back in the 1990s, very few members, poor functionality, and the look and feel of a seedy place. So it will not attract users and might eventually go out of business. I subscribed to one of the national email list for polyamorous people two weeks ago and learned that they use OKC, and I have never seen any mention of the "niche" website. I have also never seen mentions of POF but do not know what it means. Maybe POF is more narrowly mainstream? I do not know - I have never been there.