what does it mean if you fantasize of killing people while having sex with them?

MorganLeFay · 09:29 PM

Somebody confessed to me that when she/he fantasizes of having sex with someone, quite often it ends up with him/her killing their lover usually with a shotgun on the head or with other ways, like a knife. The person said that it's even more often to fantasize of hurting someone while having sex with them but not to the point of killing and even more, fantasizes of being the one being hurt but I just can't understand why she/he would fantasize of KILLING them and take SEXUAL pleasure from that...is there some kind of condition that explains it? And is this person dangerous? He/she said they'd never actually do that but still...

DePressMe · Jul 14, 2013, 06:57 PM

Morgan, that sounds scary to me too. Keep in mind that they are fantasies not reality. In the past I have had fantasies about me being hurt during sex...they stemmed from my childhood sexual abuse--I identified sex with pain. Therapy has helped me a lot. Maybe suggest to your friend to see a therapist? ....D.

hamster-bamster · Jul 15, 2013, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MorganLeFay

Somebody confessed to me that when she/he fantasizes of having sex with someone, quite often it ends up with him/her killing their lover usually with a shotgun on the head or with other ways, like a knife. The person said that it's even more often to fantasize of hurting someone while having sex with them but not to the point of killing and even more, fantasizes of being the one being hurt but I just can't understand why she/he would fantasize of KILLING them and take SEXUAL pleasure from that...is there some kind of condition that explains it? And is this person dangerous? He/she said they'd never actually do that but still...

It could be a metaphor for the ultimate possessiveness. Some people are possessive when it comes to sex - I am not, but I know that many many people are. Killing your lover during sex means possessing the lover forever. Nobody else can ever have sex with the lover.

What DePressMe said is another take on it.

There might be more takes on it.

Your friend needs to talk to a therapist about it.

Your friend does not sound dangerous - they sound "with it" (meaning - able to tell reality from fantasy). But still therapy would be good.

Pat007 · Aug 07, 2013, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MorganLeFay

Somebody confessed to me that when she/he fantasizes of having sex with someone, quite often it ends up with him/her killing their lover usually with a shotgun on the head or with other ways, like a knife. The person said that it's even more often to fantasize of hurting someone while having sex with them but not to the point of killing and even more, fantasizes of being the one being hurt but I just can't understand why she/he would fantasize of KILLING them and take SEXUAL pleasure from that...is there some kind of condition that explains it? And is this person dangerous? He/she said they'd never actually do that but still...

Of course you can't tell from this short description but it is possible he is a sexual sadist. He is sexually aroused by the thought of others suffering. Even it is true that does not necessarily mean he is going to shoot you.

Aug 07, 2013, 01:14 PM

Yes. He is dangerous. It is a mere act that seperates fantasy from reality. This man fantasizes. He nurtures this thing. Would you play russian roulette with a loaded gun? That is what you are doing imo if you continue on associating with this person.

hamster-bamster · Aug 07, 2013, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lux_et_spes

Yes. He is dangerous. It is a mere act that seperates fantasy from reality. This man fantasizes. He nurtures this thing. Would you play russian roulette with a loaded gun? That is what you are doing imo if you continue on associating with this person.

I think he would not have talked about the thing had there being a real risk of his crossing the line from fantasy into reality (a lot of people have unusual fantasies they never enact, so while it is true that indeed a mere act separates fantasy from reality, the "mere" in a "a mere act" is a pretty big deal for most folks).

OP - have you suggested therapeutic exploration to that person?

Aug 08, 2013, 12:45 AM

Duly noted.

hamster-bamster · Aug 08, 2013, 12:50 AM

Also, to me, it seems that the person shared the fantasy because the person kind of wishes it went away. to me, it means the person is not likely to enact it. who knows...

MarlboroChick · Aug 08, 2013, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MorganLeFay

Somebody confessed to me that when she/he fantasizes of having sex with someone, quite often it ends up with him/her killing their lover usually with a shotgun on the head or with other ways, like a knife. The person said that it's even more often to fantasize of hurting someone while having sex with them but not to the point of killing and even more, fantasizes of being the one being hurt but I just can't understand why she/he would fantasize of KILLING them and take SEXUAL pleasure from that...is there some kind of condition that explains it? And is this person dangerous? He/she said they'd never actually do that but still...

She sounds like a sadist. And maybe a necrophiliac if she takes pleasure out of actually fantasizing about dead people. Some people do like inflicting pain when their having sex, and other people like receiving it. Sadism/masochism. I wouldnt really say their dangerous; its very common for people to have rape fantasies but its uncommon for most people to act on it.

Aug 18, 2013, 11:09 PM

Huh...odd this cat hasn't been back since 2 days after that initial post. Just sayin'......

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