I find pleasure in emotionally hurting people I'm sexually attracted to

I don't know how to explain it, it kind of turns me on to see people with whom I have an erotic relationship being emotionally hurt by me. Also, I just can't find pleasure in kissing or even having sex if it's this romantic kind of stuff, just like I hate flowers and easy, loving relationships...I have such a hard time getting close to people in general and just can't seem to be attracted to someone to the point where I want to actually have sex with them, except one specific person. Over the years, I have realized that when I end up having the one I want, he is no longer of interest to me and I start searching for other men...it actually saddens me that I can't really love someone...why is this happening to me? Oh and I should add that after I hurt those people -or fantasize of hurting them-, I feel sorry for them and so sick of myself. I just find them so weak and vulnerable and...human...Am I really ****ed up?! (sorry for the language) I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 2 years, for other issues, but I'm too ashamed to talk about this...

hey I'm sorry things are working out so bad for you sentient
i personally would try to discuss this with a Therapist it might shed some light on a condition or emotional response you have yet unrecognized.
Your T should be able to help you understand these feelings and maybe help you to come to some sort of peace as to why you feel this way.
wishing you all the best of luck

There is no point in spending so much time and, presumably, money, on seeing a psychiatrist if you cannot be honest and upfront with him or her. You might as well stop. If you are ashamed to talk, write it down and give him or her the note to read. It might be a therapy issue more so than a psychiatry issue, as turtleboy pointed out, but then the psychiatrist will make recommendations or referrals.

Imagine that your deal with the psychiatrist from now on is:

- you send a check on a regular basis
- you do not come to see the psychiatrist

Weird? but that is what is going on right now - you are paying money while receiving no service.

that is not true, I'm suffering from severe depression, anxiety, self-destructive behavior, suicidal thoughts and have a few other issues...without the psychiatrist I'd probably be dead by now...

well if you were able to disclose self-destructive behavior to the psychiatrist, what stops you from disclosing feeling pleasure in emotionaly hurting people you are sexually attracted to? Why is self-destructive behavior so different from feeling pleasure from hurting others? Because of the "self" part? You are not ashamed of hurting yourself but are ashamed of trying to hurt others? Where do you draw the line?

I can do whatever I want to myself, I do not have the right to hurt others though...

I see... that makes sense - I see where you are drawing the line.

But then... you cannot talk to your psychiatrist about doing things that are not within your right? Has the psychiatrist instructed you to censor yourself this way - only talk about things that are within your right, or do you censor yourself on your own?

Basically, without professional help, you need to explore other ways of seeing humanity in people. That you sense humanity is not bad per se; it is just that you need other ways to see humanity in people - other than by hurting them and then enjoying experiencing their vulnerabilities. there is a silver lining to what you describe. It just has not yet been revealed to you, so to speak. You will be OK, but I would recommend being honest with the mental health professionals. I would be stunned if your psychiatrist acts suprised when you tell him / her this.

I can talk about whatever I want with her, I'm just ashamed of it. But I will mention this when I see her again. Thank you

usually, when you decide what to talk about with the psychiatrist, and it is an important decision, because you probably have very limited time with her and need to filter out what is not necessary, so, usually, feeling strong feelings about something - including shame - is a signal to you that the something is MORE important to talk about than alternate topics that do not trigger strong feelings - not LESS, but MORE. That is one of the main differences between talking to a mental health professional and engaging in small talk.

I hope she can be helpful to you.

talked to p-doc yet?

i feel the same way.

This thread dates back to 2013

But still an issue today!