a question about dating - just aimlessly curious

No harm done. Now I know about muscle twitches

No, it was perfect. Thank you for an explanation that is both detailed and lively.

Yes to fake pearls, not to cheesy green gems. Fake pearls + some kind of big pieces made of metal that looks like silver or gold, but is clearly not silver or gold, and shines WAY too much (real, old gold is not particularly shiny).

That sounds horrible. No jewelry is better then that.

Why do you expect that? What if I just want to lie in bed all day and watch cartoons? I understand how this makes one undateable, but the only other option is just to conform to someone else's needs for the express purpose of acquiring a date with them.

Wouldn't that be dishonest of me?

I think I agree that would be dishonest if that were the only reason you changed. But the thing I've noticed is often the thing that causes me to change and the things that keep me changed are two different things. So while it may seem to be dishonest in the beginning because of my motivation, it wouldn't always be so.

I can see what hamster's saying and agree. For me, it all goes back to compatibility. What am i willing to bring to the table and what is she bringing to the table? If I want to lay around and watch cartoons all day, that's great, but what am i bringing to someone's table who loves rock climbing? I should be focusing my attention towards someone who would share my love for Buggs Bunny and amaze her with my 60 inch LCD and sick surround sound. I realize that's somewhat extreme, but...

The promlem I have with dating is that I may seem compatable for a little while, only to realize that in reality I'm not. For example, not long ago I met someone I had been communicating with on-line, off and on for almost three years. We met in person once a couple of years ago and the whole bipolar thing scared her off back then because of a bipolar family member she was having a lot of trouble with. I can understand her apprehension. But even though we didn't date, we still stayed in touch and that was fine. She had everything in the world going for her and I felt like she and I were both bringing our best to the table which all looked great. Soon after we started seeing each other regularly, I realized she likes to drink. There's nothing wrong with drinking as I drink on occasion myself. So that's not a deal breaker. But I noticed she drank a lot... every time we were together. She often became very obnoxious and argumentative the more she drank. She quite often went out of her way to find things about me to criticize (there are plenty) and would hold on to it beyond embarrassment and on to humiliation. Needless to say, it didn't work out. If I need to be kicked, im quite proficient at kicking myself. So even though we were compapable to an extent, apparently we weren't comparable enough.

Anyway...

It would be dishonest.....& it would NOT be right...you need to be who you are & the other person needs to be who they are....if it's incompatible....then it shouldn't be & there is no reason to try & force something by being fake.

I know this is about dating.....but after dating the guy I dated for 6 months, I started seeing things I didn't like when we had talked about getting married......I listed my expectations & I expected him to be just as honest so that we could honestly decide whether it was reasonable to end up getting married or now. Like his normal passive aggressive self, he agreed with everything.....but fought me constantly about every one of those things after we ended up getting married. I tolerated it for way too long because I had my career to hide away in & had no interest in being any part of the dating scene again.....but it was like living in hell.

I have a right to have the expectations that I have because they usually have a lot to do with my interests & where I am in my life & what is compatible with MY LIFE & there is no point in wasting my time or theirs dating someone who I have nothing in common with. It's not that the other person isn't nice.....but then again, my stbxh was NICE.....but not compatible & that just doesn't work

@HamsterI don't know what riding a horse you do, but competitive Dressage riding horses I do, to me is all about communication between horse & rider that has NOTHING to do with sex but perfecting the athletics it takes to perform the sport so that when we compete together, we end up with decent test scores. In the rest of our life together with my horse, I enjoy the unconditional love bond like what I enjoy with my dogs. Nothing sexual about that kind of relationship.

If you can talk about the cartoons in interesting, insightful ways, then you will be deemed datable, in my book.

A guy I interacted with over an assignment (had video conference but haven't met) sent me his topless picture without me asking one. He wanted me to comment on his abs. I'm not attracted by such acts but find them disgusting. Did he do right thing?
He was asking about exchanging pictures but I didn't send mine. This was his first pic

No, he didnt. If he tries to ask for your pictures again id tell him to back off.

"Sorry, but I thought that you and I were just supposed to collaborate over an assignment.

I did not know that I was also expected to comment on your abs. I feel that I am out of my depth since I really cannot offer any comment on your abs... none at all. Please do not send me more pics, OK?

No, I do not mean to hurt your feelings, no! I simply cannot comment on abs.

Oh, and, just as a suggestion - if you really need comments on your abs, why ask me, a lay woman?? Go to a personal trainer for a professional consultation. I am sure it would be money well spent..."

Eskie, a woman rides a horse sitting the way she would jumping a man. That is all. But it is a very simple, straightforward association. When the guy who is my friend of 25 years, and, in the past, a lover, met his future wife who rides horses and has a business in which she keeps horses (as well as ponies), his editor (the guy who was responsible for publishing his book of verse) said: "WOW! A woman who rides horses... I can imagine what she does in bed... Wow!"