Attracted to a women

Three olives · Aug 12, 2013 at 10:35 AM

I'm a 40 year old female, married for 16 years, I have 2 wonderful children. I recently met a women thru work and I'm finding my self very attracted to her. I've never had an attraction to women before, only men. When I look at her especially in the eyes I get butterflies and all kinds of crazy feelings. (I try to avoid eye contact) I find her very addictive and I think about her all the time. What the heck is going on with me? Do I confront her? Do I tell my husband? Not really sure if I could do either one but I'm going crazy inside!!please help me

Webgoji · Aug 12, 2013 at 11:59 AM

Keep in mind this is just my opinion, but I think there might be a perfectly normal explanation for this.

Many women experience a sort of sexual "coming of age" around 35-40. Women, to my knowledge, don't actually experience the hormonal peak that men do, but they do become more sexually comfortable around their 40's. Considering your age, this might be what you're experiencing.

So while you've never been attracted to women before, you may be feeling some attraction at this time due to sexual maturity. No bigs.

This doesn't mean to run out and have an affair or even that you need to confront her about it. If you don't confront men you're attracted to, then you shouldn't confront her either, in my opinion.

Should you tell your husband? I think communication in a marriage is very important. Just let him know, "So I'm finding this woman at work attractive, it's really weird."

So long story short, don't worry. It's probably just part of your sexual maturity and not something wrong with you.

hamster-bamster · Aug 12, 2013 at 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Should you tell your husband? I think communication in a marriage is very important. Just let him know, "So I'm finding this woman at work attractive, it's really weird."

So long story short, don't worry. It's probably just part of your sexual maturity and not something wrong with you.

I think this is a great suggestion and the phrasing is perfect (because it is simple and straightforward, and distills the whole OP down to one sentence).

I think you should tell this to your husband asap, because this way you won't add a layer of being clandestine to all of this, and the layer of being clandestine can work towards exaggerating the attraction. If it is all in the open, it will become less important even in your mind. Unless, of course, it is something really strong, but then you will know with time.

You know, as in Romeo and Juliet - parental disapproval, secrecy, and all of those things only work to accentuate the attraction.

Three olives · Aug 13, 2013 at 04:13 AM

I thank you for your opinions. I really don't think I can tell my husband though. In all honesty he will want me to see if she willing to join us. Or he will play it against me at times. I'm battling with my libeado(spelling?) also. so that is a battle in itself for my husband.

Webgoji · Aug 13, 2013 at 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Three olives

I thank you for your opinions. I really don't think I can tell my husband though. In all honesty he will want me to see if she willing to join us.

Yeah, if that's a concern with your husband you might want to not let him know. Just based on what you've said so far I think this would not want to be something you want to get into.

Hang in there and best wishes.

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Three olives Junior Member Member Since Aug 2013 Posts: 6 11	Aug 13, 2013 at 04:13 AM #4 I thank you for your opinions. I really don't think I can tell my husband though. In all honesty he will want me to see if she willing to join us. Or he will play it against me at times. I'm battling with my libeado(spelling?) also. so that is a battle in itself for my husband.
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