Guy problems: Does he hate me?

I met this guy almost a year ago at a party. At that time I had just broken up, and was going out again. The very moment I saw him I liked him, and thought he was very cute. Most people on the party thought we were actually dating or should date haha, as we had a lot of chemistry going on. He is (or was at that time) a very shy guy, to the point he acted very femenine.

We continued talking, and then I found out he had a girlfriend. He never mentioned it, so I didn't care. I assumed he just was a very girly boy, and moved on. Back in January he started wanting us to meet more, go out more, and be together more time. I agreed and a really really really nice friendship started. I did notice that he really liked me, and I didn't want to put any pressure on him.

He went overseas for two months back in February and during that time we would chat on Skype for more than an houre every single day, and talk about all sorts of things, mostly clothes and funny things, and he DEFINITELY acted as if we were dating. Before he came back, I decided to give it a try and told him I am bi, have been for years and I honestly like it. He got very confused and from that moment on he started becoming a bit distant, yet we would still talk for hours every week. He said he was "straight", although he became more and more and more possesive and controlling of my actions, to the point he would literally act as if he was my girlfriend haha.

We flirted a lot, and it was a nice relationship, I thought we could eventually move towards the "real thing" once he accepted his sexuality and came out of the closet. However, since he came back, family, friends and his girlfriend have been putting a lot of pressure on him. We started talking less and less, meeting less and less, and he would start complaining about my attention. Nevertheless, he would get absolutely jealous if I was with other(s). I asked him: so what are we?... For months he couldn't answer that question, and yes, he loved it when I told him about my feelings for him. He would smile and rejoice in the fact that I love him.

I tried to end the relationship some times, as I thought that we weren't moving on, yet he would totally get sad, and beg me to understand and be patient... That happened 5 times but there I remained, patient that he may eventually had the courage to come out. We live in a very restrictive society (Japan), and gay people are very discriminated against. Not to forget that I keep my sexuality in secret too, and most gay and bi guys I know wouldn't even dare to say they are gay in front of anyone.

So things got more complicated because my feelings for him grew, to the point in which I said: I love you to him, openly and said that I would do whatever he wanted me to. I guess that was a mistake. We traveled together for three weeks, we have seen each other naked many many times, but have never been intimate as he started becoming more and more paranoid of "unwanted attention". During this trip I became aware of the fact that his girlfriend was jealous, and not only that, but she would constantly harrass him, for which he would become violent to me, verbally and some times physically, to the piont that he said: WHY AREN'T YOU A WOMAN? or WHY AREN'T YOU STRAIGHT?.

He basically started complaining for my sexuality, and criticized each and every single part of me. He really did start acting as if he hated me, and the lovely girly boy I fell for is now an extremely straight acting douche. He knows he broke my heart and his last words to me were: I am sorry, it is entirely my fault, I made a bad choice by choosing you. (or I made a bad partner choice).

He said he's been seeing other guys who don't have my problem, and that quite frankly he feels sick every time I say how I feel about him.

I felt very sad, we dated for over 4 months, or so I thought as well, he has a key to my apartment, we have slept together in the same bed, we used to hug continuously, and well, he had a thing for seeing me naked. Well, it was what it was, a very very gay close friendship.

The point is, what should I do now? I do want to move on, but all the memories and good times we had still haunt me.

Does he really hate me? Does he hate himself? Is he trying to cover things up and show to his girlfriend he is "straight"?

In the end I am just confused and sad...

It sounds like he is really struggling with his sexuality. He probably doesn't hate you. He probably actually likes you but that is seriously interfering with his image of himself as heterosexual so he is tearing you down to try to convince himself that he doesn't like you.

The truth of the matter is that you can’t force him to come to terms with his sexuality or speed up the process. These things take time and you owe it to yourself not to wait for him. You really don’t need a man in your life who is going to tear you down, criticize you, or be physically violent with you. None of that is even remotely okay regardless of what struggles he may be going through. Maybe someday he’ll come to terms with his sexuality and will be a great, loving boyfriend for you, but you deserve so much better than a guy who will love you "maybe someday". You deserve a man who knows what he wants, likes you 100%, and makes you feel like a king. Right now, this boy is not him.

Personally, I think you should seriously distance yourself from him. Let him work out his own problems far away from you because this guy is abusing you and leading you on and that is not okay. If someday several years down the road, you two meet up and he seems like a changed man who has come to terms with his sexuality, then yeah maybe you can give it a try again. But certainly don’t wait for him because this boy is abusive and you deserve better than an abusive SOB who will love you “maybe someday”.