[rustyrage]

For a very long time I felt I was born the wrong gender, like maybe I was male in a past life or something.

I mentioned it with my psychiatrist/therapist twice. The first time, he responded "You mean like a lesbian?" and I was like, No, automatically. Just a man stuck as a woman.

And the second time a few months later it came up - he responded the same way- as if he forgot. But I think that a comment like that is strong to be forgotten and he was trying to seep the idea in that I might be a lesbian. I answered the same way regardless.

And now I won't bring it up anymore, not purposefully, but clearly it bothers me. Maybe he's right, I don't know. I'm happily married with two kids. Sex is good. I don't want to have sex with a woman, but I do admire their beauty. I am aroused by my own reflection sometimes. I have a memory of fantasizing about being a man having sex with a woman, followed by shame.

I live life as a woman. I got used to the idea. I still feel male, but I accepted my role in my body and I don't have to have surgery to do the things I want that feel 'male'

But my psychiatrist made me feel all confused. I'm afraid I'm just in denial because it would be super inconvenient. Like, what if I were a lesbian. Do I really need to derail my marriage with this information?

I hope this doesn't step on any toes. I'm sincerely confused.

Maybe this will help: Answers to your Questions About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression

It sounds like you need a better informed T. I think it would be a good idea to change to a T who understands what you're talking about.

Have you considered joining the LGBT social group here at PC? More people who understand your issues will have access to your posts and you will get more responses.

[ringtailcat]

Very informative article, unhappyguy!! I also agree with unhappyguy on finding a new t that is willing to work WITH you on your issues related to your gender expresion.
Another good point unhappyguy made is the LGBT forum & chat. If i'm on, feel free to drop me a line or PM me anytime!
TRIGGER SEXUAL CONTENT

Personally I identify as Queer because while most of the time I feel male, there are times that the female side comes sneaking out & that's ok with me......... embarassing at times.... but still ok... I made a decision to not have bottom surgery because I don't like the risks associated with it, & there are toys that work great! Testosterone I'm still on the fence with, but leaning toward not doing. Top surgery , while it sounds good & probably the only one I might consider doing, pretty much means losing feeling in 2 very sensitive spots & I would REALLY hate to do that!! Everyone has to make their own choices
though, just make sure you have all your ducks in a row first.

I hope this helped you some...

[bronzeowl]

Hi, I'm transgender. Female to Male (first time admitting which one on the forums, yikes). I don't feel comfortable talking about it publicly, but if you want to discuss it, I can do my best to help through PM if you'd like.