[LiteraryLark]

I've known one of my best friends since high school, and from the very beginning since I've met her fiance I've had a crush on him. Lately I've been really jealous of her because I think he deserves better. Lately (actually, most of the time), she's just been a complete pain in the *** with everything and they argue and bicker a lot even when I'm there. I guess I just need to vent because I know he loves her and that they'll be together, but my feelings for him won't go away. I flirt with him playfully and he flirts back, but he knows I'd never try and steal him away from his fiance, and I won't, but I feel lost. Maybe it's just because I've never had a boyfriend or had sex, but I'm concerned about my feelings for him because I'd feel bad if I got in between them and wish I didn't feel this way.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I've known one of my best friends since high school, and from the very beginning since I've met her fiance I've had a crush on him. Lately I've been really jealous of her because I think he deserves better. Lately (actually, most of the time), she's just been a complete pain in the *** with everything and they argue and bicker a lot even when I'm there. I guess I just need to vent because I know he loves her and that they'll be together, but my feelings for him won't go away. I flirt with him playfully and he flirts back, but he knows I'd never try and steal him away from his fiance, and I won't, but I feel lost. Maybe it's just because I've never had a boyfriend or had sex, but I'm concerned about my feelings for him because I'd feel bad if I got in between them and wish I didn't feel this way.

This is an area to tread very carefully. I can understand feeling attracted to someone who is taken, but you CANNOT intervene (I don't think you would anyway). As someone who had been through the ups and downs in a relationship, I know that there have been periods where we've been under stress and I've been nothing but a b**** to my boyfriend. I would refrain from judgment on that.

If it were me, I'd limit my contact with her fiance as much as possible. Give yourself some breathing room from him and you'll find that most those flirty feelings will pass. I'd be HEARTBROKEN and PISSED if I knew there was flirting (even harmless flirting) between my bff and my fiance.

It was a good idea to vent about the situation here. I understand your feelings and hope what I said helps.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[LiteraryLark]

I know, I've upset my bff because of the flirting and the fiance just flat out told the both of us "fiance, you're introverted and soft spoken, and you never speak up when you have something on your mind, drskipper, you're naturally outgoing, extroverted and flirtatious but only because you're curious about sex and that is your outgoing personality, and fiance should know that what she's doing is not to take me away from her." So the flirting has been addressed out in the open between the three of us.

And the problem with staying away with fiance is that bff can't stand to be alone without fiance--she has panic attacks if they're separated for too long or freaks out if he doesn't immediately return or picks up the phone. The two have a very strange dynamic and I've known that for a while.

The problem with me is that I don't get rid of crushes easily. All of my crushes have lasted several years between them, hence I've liked him for the past year and a half.

Flirting is just part of who I am. Even tonight I flirted with my best friend saying I was going to make out with her. I naturally flirt with everyone, that's just how I joke with people, I enjoy talking dirty with people and sometimes it gets me in trouble.

How do you get over someone? It's hard to do that when I think the person would be better with me even though it's probably not for the best.

[Harley47]

How to get over someone is a heck of a question...one I have yet to answer definitively for myself. It's hard, with that in mind, for me to offer it to you, but I'll tell you what I've got so far.

Part of it is having to learn to let go, which is easier said than done. You've got the memories of the good times with the person, and the thoughts of what it'd be like...the curiosity, in a manner of speaking. You can have the memories of the good times, and even the curiosity (provided it remains within your moderation), but you must learn that those thoughts can be yours, but the person can't be.

Time is, of course, a major factor...with time, you'll find yourself naturally moving on.

It sounds to me like you, in some regard, resent your bff for being engaged to your crush...that's a rough situation to be in, I know, but the best possible solution to this would be to try to let this go...give things time, and try to move past him. I do second Angel's suggestion to try to give yourself some space, but...with him being attached at the hip to the bff, that's difficult, I understand. I don't see how things could work any other way...if you were to intervene (don't...like Angel, I don't think you would), it would only serve to ruin your relationship with your bff...or both of them, depending. You have to, hard as it may be, let them, as their friend, pursue their version of happiness...if you're right, and they aren't a good match, you only owe them your ear and understanding, and the willingness to listen to their problems. But you can't try to break them up...even if you believe it's for the best. They have to figure that our on their own.

Hugs Doc...I hope things work out. I know situations like these suck...been there myself. Never a fun spot to be in.

Hugs,
Harley

[LiteraryLark]

@harley, I wish I could send you a real hug.

[Harley47]

Awww...lol thanks Doc. Same to ya...I know how bad things like this suck, and I know it's not easy.

So as the best I can do....