iam condamned to die alone . should i stop matsurabtion? its my unique pleasure.

hello

first excuse my bad english iam forigner, i speak arabic and french, iam man from north africa , iam 38 never been married and never had girl friend , iam normal looking person bu shy and have no skills to seduce. my life is terribly empty even i tryed to change it by doing activities, so i found solution in masturbation wich i started since puberty non stop; somtimes i reach 10 times everyday because no love in my live and no sex, and no friends even i tryed to find them i failed. it hard to explain it.

i had big complex with size of my penis wich is 13.5CM or 14 Cm if i have strong erection, so after many years i lost my erecetion and my libido, even women please to me on street there is no excitement, i live in small village and hard to find women espacially iam so shy. Recently i started NoFap plan,i didnt masturbate since 25 days and i feel my brain in pain,and i dont have any libido . may be that take time but i dont know how much i have to stop to get back erection and my libido. i feel my self sleepy espacially in the night . somtimes i want to give up because i know i will never get married and i will never find women. im so poor and so shy .
People of my age they send their children at school and me im condamned to die alone. i went few tme in my live to see protitutes but not get any pleasure because they are not sexy and no serve custmoers very well. One time i use viagara i get hard but i didnt feel any pleasure so i went home and finish in masturabtion.

I dont know if sombody here can take my probelm seriously and help me .Thanks

It is hard to say anything not knowing the resources available to you, and, I take it, not much is available due to your being poor and your location. The only doable option I can suggest that is free is posting on the Anxiety and Phobias forum on this website. Before you post, I recommend that you read the forum through and through, like a book that you can't put down. You will probably see examples that are similar to how you are suffering. If you start posting and strike some friendships, you can then use the support of your newfound friends and become accountable to them; say, you can set goals for yourself and report your progress to the forum. I have seen people who suffer from so much anxiety that they cannot leave house alone push themselves to go to a grocery store, post office, etc., and then gradually expand beyond those. This is basically what therapy for anxiety is: pushing yourself to face anxiety-provoking situations. I think your goal might be to start finding non-sexual friends, for starters.

Doing what you have been doing, ie manipulating the frequency of masturbation, is not going to get you anywhere and is only likely to increase your anxiety and possibly further erode your self-esteem further if you fail.

In the US there is a term "standard of care" - look it up. In particular, look up the standard of care for pathological shyness. Once you get a clear idea what treating shyness involves, figure out how much of you can implement without professional help.