[antisocialbutterfly]

Since I was 12, I used to think to myself, if I don't work out with a man, I'll date a woman instead. I had no idea about what sexuality was and had no idea that most kids my age just preferred the opposite sex. I've grown up in a Christian family, I have a faith, I go to church etc... It's not until i started going to church that i was told dating or having any intimate relationships with the same sex is apparently against the church.
To this day, I don't have problems with any sexuality, religion or anything despite what my church says, I'd much prefer respect everyone no matter who or what they are. I've come to terms recently that I may be bi, but since my parents are religious, I can't really talk to them about it. I've got a crush on a guy at the moment, but I have considered some girls. I don't and do want to talk to them about it, but I fear rejection or mental abuse where they'll try to straighten me up.

I am seeing a psychiatrist soon about my mental health (I'm getting diagnosed), but she's also holds Christian values, which is fine, but I can't ask about my sexuality there in fear that I may be judged the same way and even though what you say to a psychiatrist is mainly confidential between you and them, I fear she'll tell my parents anyway. Is there anyone I can talk to about this? I don't know if I want this or not, or if it's just a phase or the effects of puberty or if it's actually a real thing going on for me. Help.

[Erti]

Hmm, I consider myself as bisexual. I knew I was ever since I was 11 years old. I knew I liked guys but explored with girls and liked it. Luckily for me I didn't grow up in a religious home and my parent's I pretty open minded about stuff like this. Of course my mom asked questions. I remember telling my mom the summer before I started high school. I can only imagine how hard it would of been if my parent's held religious views.

Do you want to "explore"/date other girls?

[antisocialbutterfly]

Originally Posted by Erti

Hmm, I consider myself as bisexual. I knew I was ever since I was 11 years old. I knew I liked guys but explored with girls and liked it. Luckily for me I didn't grow up in a religious home and my parent's I pretty open minded about stuff like this. Of course my mom asked questions. I remember telling my mom the summer before I started high school. I can only imagine how hard it would of been if my parent's held religious views.

Do you want to "explore"/date other girls?

If I liked a girl who liked me back, I wouldn't mind, but how would I keep that from my parents? I guess if she respects I don't want to tell my parents that's cool, but yeah. I'm also in a Christian school so I can't talk about this to my school counsellor or the majority of my friends either. -_- I guess I could, but, I would dread their responses.

[Erti]

If you do plan on dating I don't think you can keep it from your parents. Are you close with your parents?
How serious are you about this?

[antisocialbutterfly]

Originally Posted by Erti

If you do plan on dating I don't think you can keep it from your parents. Are you close with your parents?
How serious are you about this?

I'm close to my mum more than my dad, but I do tend to keep my emotions and feelings bottled up and don't tell them much. I spend most of my time isolated from them. I don't know how serious I am about this, I've only noticed more recently despite it being something since I was young, I still don't know if I'm just going through a phase or just trying to figure out my sexuality. My mum is against same-sex relationships, so I'm guessing my dad is as well, so, I'm scared of that. I'm scared of how they would react if it did happen. I never know, I could end up with a man and just forget about it but who knows.

[Erti]

Sounds like you're trying to figure out your sexuality which is totally normal. Have you thought about seeking friends outside your church/school? Possibly a sport or a club? I don't know what they have in Australia. Joining an online community is a good first step. Is there any questions you want to ask?

[hamster-bamster]

If the psychiatrist is so judgmental and unapproachable, there would be nothing helpful, useful, or positive asking such a psychiatrist anyway. Plus, sexual orientation per se is not a mental health issue, although circumstances surrounding your figuring out your orientation may lead to mental health issues - say, if you have to hide from your parents, that may lead to anxiety.

The suggested online support groups seem to be worth trying.

[Harley47]

Let me offer this: I was born and raised in a Christian household, under Christian values, and attend a very conservative church (to my chagrin...we tolerate each other on a philosophical grounds). I do still identify as Christian, albeit loosely. Christianity, however, does not have to nor should it incorporate bigotry.

If anyone wants to give you crap about it from a Christian standpoint, forward this for me. Jesus himself never once mentioned ANYTHING regarding homosexuality. If my memory recalls, the only mention of homosexuality (or bisexuality) being a sin is in Leviticus. Two points there. Leviticus means "For the Levites," the Levites being a sect of the Jewish priest caste, of which I would go on a limb and argue most Christians are not. And if you'll read two to five lines down, depending on your version, you'll see a similar prohibition against the cutting of hair, tattoos, and shellfish. So, if there's an "issue," remind them the last time they enjoyed a shrimp cocktail or had a haircut makes them just as "guilty" as you (which of course you're not. Just for the sake of speach. ) Take the whole thing or take none of it. Snipping bits and pieces out to suit whims and prejudices is missing the entire point, and a gross perversion of Christianity.

Now, gimme a sec to step off my soapbox here...one moment....

Speaking to your therapist, your therapist is in NO position to divulge such things to your parents. Even if you're a minor, if memory serves, the only things they are allowed to break confidentiality on is if she feels you're a danger to yourself or others. Now, that's me going off memory, but don't think that your therapist is there to relay your personal life to your parents. Her goal is to help you with whatever you're going through. I'd advise to get to know her for a bit...try to see where she stands. If she seems a reasonable, 21st century individual, I see no harm.

To address your situation more specifically, it could be attributed to puberty, in part...puberty is a very confusing time, both physically and mentally (and yes, I know I sound like a gym teacher right now. Stick with me ). Your hormones are, throughout puberty, basically doing backflips, to use a technical term. It is possible that your thoughts could be attributed to that, though only time can tell. In the meantime, don't let it stress you out. If you are, great! If not, great! You are you. There's nothing wrong with that, and no one who respects you would ask you to be any more or less than that.

I do hope I was of some help and that you can forgive my miniature rant there. My own church does stuff like this on a very routine basis...the pastor, not so much, but the Sunday school teachers shove it down our throats each Sunday morning, eloquently wrapping their political views, prejudices, and Scripture. The result is utter drivel. So I suppose I vented a bit...my apologies. The point of Christianity is to offer guidance (with the penultimate example being Christ) in order to lead a good, happy life, and to be good and just to your fellow man. The rest sort of comes in naturally with that central tenet. That's how I've always seen it, at any rate.

Many hugs and the best of luck,
Harley

[Harley47]

I should mention, just to back up my little rant, that my Christian Ethics professor said almost the precise bit I said above today in class, and he's got a doctorate in religion. He also mentioned that Leviticus forbids wearing clothing made out of two different materials. Thus, anyone who has ever spoken an ill word about homosexuality while wearing jeans and a t-shirt is a hypocrite. Just to offer an authoritative backing to my post.

[antisocialbutterfly]

Originally Posted by Harley47

I should mention, just to back up my little rant, that my Christian Ethics professor said almost the precise bit I said above today in class, and he's got a doctorate in religion. He also mentioned that Leviticus forbids wearing clothing made out of two different materials. Thus, anyone who has ever spoken an ill word about homosexuality while wearing jeans and a t-shirt is a hypocrite. Just to offer an authoritative backing to my post.

thank you, knowing me, i'd probably be too scared to say anything back though. i hate conflict and confronting people and i hate people confronting me, because then i have to put up with it. i'm quite sensitive to being criticised, harsh or not. i guess i'll see. i'll keep my sexuality problems bottled up for now until i've figured myself out and find the right people i can talk to about this sort of thing. most of my friends are christian too, considering i surround myself with them, but not all religious people are the ones to be critical about sexuality, even non-religious people are cruel about it. the world is a cruel one and we're all stuck inside of it.

[antisocialbutterfly]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

If the psychiatrist is so judgmental and unapproachable, there would be nothing helpful, useful, or positive asking such a psychiatrist anyway. Plus, sexual orientation per se is not a mental health issue, although circumstances surrounding your figuring out your orientation may lead to mental health issues - say, if you have to hide from your parents, that may lead to anxiety.

The suggested online support groups seem to be worth trying.

I know it's not a mental health issue, but i just really need to talk to someone about it. i guess posting online with a username people can't really identify me with is helpful, but i need to verbally vent it out you know? but i don't know who to turn to.