In the wee small hours of the morning I dreamed the first dream I've ever dreamed (that I know of) which involved me having gay sex. I'm in my 6th decade &, although I've always felt like I should have been / wanted to be female, I am biologically male & have always lived a heterosexual lifestyle. I can recall being propositioned by other men 3 times in my life. I always ran from these situations as quickly as I could get away from them.

(Writing this post is making me squirm...)

I've struggled secretly with being transgendered all of my life. (It's a long story.) I had always hoped / assumed that as I aged my trans-ness would gradually dissipate. Instead what has happened is that it has grown much worse over the past 3 or 4 years or so to the point where it, along with my major depression & anxiety, has begun to consume me. But, apparently, from what I've read, this is not unexpected in older non-transitioned MtF transsexuals.

So, anyway, I've never considered myself to be the least bit gay, only trans. But, since having this dream last night, I'm thinking wouldn't it be interesting to experience this... to be penetrated similar to the way a woman is penetrated. It would be the closest I can ever get to that experience because transition is out of the question for me. This is all making me feel weird in the "extreme-ous"!

The reality is that I'm just an old guy. I don't do anything, or go anywhere, where I would be likely to meet older gay men. So the likelihood of this dream morphing into reality is vanishingly small. But still, I can't stop thinking... wouldn't this be an experience...

[kraken1851]

Hey, there's nothing weird about this whatsoever! I mean, first of all a dream can mean lots of things beyond what the dream suggests literally. Secondly, there's nothing wrong about further exploring this either in your fantasy or in reality, simply to find out what gay sex could or could not "do" for you. (I'm leaving aside any "moral" concerns that may arise from your personal situation, such as a relationship, that's something you have to judge for yourself).

Maybe you could try to figure out what it is exactly that makes you feel this dream / this idea is weird and what keeps you from exploring it further.

I've had dreams where I had sex with women. By "daylight" I'm not attracted to them, so I have never explored that route any further. Maybe you come to a similar conclusion, but if you don't, there's so absolutely nothing wrong with it

So, no need to blush

Thanks so much for your reply, Kraken: Yes, intellectually I know this is true. But I grew up in an aging family. Most of the extended family members I grew up with were born in the mid to late 1800's. So I was surrounded by the values of late 19th century, small town America. And even though I'm now in my 6th decade of life, I still carry those values with me, like it or not. This has made my being trans even more difficult than it would have needed to be otherwise.

I'm pretty certain that the content of the dream was related to my transgenderedness along with content that I have been reading here on PC. (I have an internet friend who has been encouraging me to get off of PC. She's concerned it may be having a deleterious effect.) My dream is nothing I have any plans to explore in the real world... even if it is an intriguing thought, given my Gender Identity Disorder related struggles...

[LUTE20]

ummm that's not gay sex.... Just saying. For several reasons.

I have had sex with a trans woman. It wasn't gay. It was straight sex since she identifies as female. And partaking in gay sex as a bottom does not make someone "like a woman" sexually.

**** sex isn't just gay sex btw... Anyone could do that. Js.

[TheWell]

Have you considered seeing if there are any gay clubs or groups in your area? I'm assuming that there are gay men in the Twin Cities (says on your profile)

If you aren't looking to transition it would probably be your best bet to see this fantasy through.

Originally Posted by TheWell

Have you considered seeing if there are any gay clubs or groups in your area? I'm assuming that there are gay men in the Twin Cities (says on your profile)

If you aren't looking to transition it would probably be your best bet to see this fantasy through.

Thanks for your reply, TheWell! Oh yes. The Twin Cities has a large & active LGBTQ community & it is, for the most part as far as I know, well accepted. But no I have no plans to go there, literally or figuratively speaking.

My challenge is to study myself, & learn as much as possible about myself, but not to be hooked by what I experience. So while I do want to acknowledge these aspects of myself, & try to understand & accept them as parts of my overall makeup, I then want to be able to let them go without either continuing to be disturbed by them or actually going out & bringing them into real life... if that makes any sense.

So, while I do write about these things, here on PC, it is an effort on my part to "own" what I feel, to get it out in the open in a safe way, & hopefully to gain more understanding of it... but not to actually do it.

Originally Posted by LUTE20

ummm that's not gay sex.... Just saying. For several reasons.

I have had sex with a trans woman. It wasn't gay. It was straight sex since she identifies as female. And partaking in gay sex as a bottom does not make someone "like a woman" sexually.

**** sex isn't just gay sex btw... Anyone could do that. Js.

Thanks for your reply, Lute20: Ya know... I'm just an old person. I grew up in a world where men were men, women were women, & that was it. The words transgender & transsexual hadn't even been coined yet, & nobody talked about anything related to either gender or sex. And if, a person was unfortunate enough to not quite fit into the mold, they darn well kept it to themselves, by god... which is what I did for the first 60+ years of my life.

So anyway, the point being, while I've come a long way in just a few short years, allot of today's perspective with regard to gender identity & sexual orientation is still lost on me. If you scratch me deeply enough, you'll still find a person who sees gender & sexuality in a strictly binary way; & himself as one of those unfortunates who don't fit the mold. And, while I've been able to be forthright here on PC, in my real life, I'm still mostly in the closet.