[Switch]

Okay, so this has been a major issue for me for quite some time now, but it just keeps getting worse. I'm engaged, which is why I'm actually seeking an answer, because if I was single I honestly don't think I'd care.

Not even two years ago I had people calling me a nymphomaniac. I identified as a bisexual polyamorous woman, and every relationship I've had until now has been "open" at the very least. People took this to mean "slut", at least as I understand it behind my back, but would gladly take advantage of it and so most of my sexual experiences after high school (and some during) were three or more. Now, I still identify this way, though I am only interested in my fiancé, and don't really want to change that.

However, I break down and cry, or get seriously triggered every time he even tries to initiate sex. He's pretty good about it and never blames me at all, but I feel so bad. I think we've had sex once in the last two months without me crying or hating myself. I don't know what's changed, but even a hug or a passionate kiss makes me feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong. If I get turned on I just try my hardest to shut it off because deep down I think it's the worst thing and no one must know. I don't ever masturbate, and my fiancé tried to get me to to see if it would help and it just made me feel sick and totally turned off.

I don't know what to do anymore. I worry it's killing my relationship even though I know my fiancé wouldn't lie to me and he's telling me it's okay he still loves me and stuff. I want to make him happy and I don't want him to think it's because of him. I'm freaking out. Advice?

Have you considered talking to a licensed therapist/psychologist? It sounds like you're going through quite a bit of internal turmoil and confusion. Perhaps a professional can help you untangle this with the appropriate sensitivity and care. Good luck.

[Switch]

They actually so far refuse to talk about it. I'm trying to get my pdoc to talk about it with me because my T won't even let me explain the amount I have above before she sidelines the conversation into something trivial like school.

[Big Mama]

I do this to. It is incredibly unnerving for me. To many times we have sex and I cry afterwards. I try to hide and am successful most of the time. I ask my T what causes this. She said in fact that she does this from time to time.

He reasoning as to why this happens was that sex involves lots of emotions, and feelings. It is a time when everyone involved is vulnerable. For us females we often cry and not always for traditional reasons. Her advice to me was to make sure he understands it has nothing to do with him, he didn't hurt you, say anything wrong or anything like that. Use that as a time to cuddle and get close to each other after sex.

There may be some issues regarding sexuality you have not let go of yet. I know I have issues, but mine regard sexual abuse and rape from the long ago past. So T could help with this issues as well.

Good luck with this. Just keep the lines of communication open with you and soon to be H and your T. (H = Hubby, and T =Therapist)

[Switch]

Thanks BigMama. I actually hadn't thought of it that way. To me it's purely negative emotions, but this makes a lot of sense. I talked about all of this with him last night, and things worked out okay. He said the only thing he cares about is that I don't get distant, so I'm trying very hard to stay open.

[Big Mama]

good glad to hear that helped. I agree what with you fella, just don't get distant. That is what I do and it is a hard habit to break.

But you are crying BEFORE sex....

So do you not want it to happen? You mentioned that it makes you feel as if you are doing something wrong.

So do you feel guilty?

[Switch]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

But you are crying BEFORE sex....

So do you not want it to happen? You mentioned that it makes you feel as if you are doing something wrong.

So do you feel guilty?

Before (right when it's initiated) or half way through.

Usually I don't want it to happen. Why would you want to do something that makes you feel horrible? I wouldn't call it guilt, but that might be my rational mind talking. Rationally I'm pro concentual sex 100% and briefly worked at a sex shop. That being said, I'm really bad at being in touch with my emotions. It's like sex or anything sexual is a massive taboo. "This shouldn't be happening" "this isn't right" are things that go through my head. Imagine being told to torture an animal. That's a very similar feeling when it's at it's worst feelings wise. So yeah, I guess guilty works.

This is my opinion only and I am no professional....but it sounds to me as if suddenly being the single most important person in one other persons life freaks you out a little....As if being the focus of one other person is like an emotional overload for you.

Maybe being the sole object of someone's desire is overwhelming?