Help!! I dnt know what to do?????

My boyfriend and I have been together off and on will be 5 years in a few months. Hes told me to go out and date other guys in the past which I have. Almost married another guy but in the back of my mind it was always him that I wanted.
Now he seems to have matured more but theres still a little bit of work that needs to be done. I havent had sex due to a chronic pain condition.I know he wants to and I want to but I dont know how im going to be able to being in pain sometimes its excruitating even when I'm laying down trying to sleep. I dont want to lose him what do I do? And I am also a virgin and a Christian!!

Why isnt anyone answering ????????

Meow?

Any advice???

What kind of work does this guy need to have be in your good graces? Does he flush the toilet when your in the shower?

Can you message me and i can tell you?

I am just not sure what help I can offer. Relationships mean responsibility. You will need to search your mind, heart and soul for the answers. If the time is not right you can wait. Living alone should be good with you if you love yourself and if this man truly loves you he should be willing to work with you to some degree.

Yes i am not living with him but yes he does need to put some work in and i think hes willing to once school ends

Anymore advice people???? i notice im almost at 100 views and no advice interesting

I'm not sure what you want advice on. Whether to have sex with him? Whether to (currently) be in a relationship with him? Whether to marry him? Your question is unclear, and there's very little information that we can use as a basis for offering opinions and advice. What do you want from your relationship, and/or your boyfriend?

Seek medical advice for your sexual pain.

Was he seeing other girls while you were seeing other guys? I would presume that is likely or I don't know why he would tell you to date others.

He has matured but --------. What bit of work exactly before you would marry him?

Do you want to have sex with him but haven't because of the pain issue or want to wait for marriage or something else?

not lots to go on but if he tells you it's okay to date others i assume he was doing the same.....which suggests he might be unsure about persuing any long-term commitment with you....beechwood

Don't have sex just to keep him. It's your body and your life, not his. You both need to be ready and if he truly loved you, he'll wait until you're ready.

I want more commitment .. Like i would be happy with being engaged to him he wants to have sex with me but i cant i have a chronic pain problem how can i nicely tell him to wait a lil bit more til im healed?im thinking of texting him ive been seriously thinking of what we were talking about having sex with u but i really cant right now my pain has been getting worse. ( It really has been getting alot worse :,() any advice on what i should do ? Did i make it more clear? Lol

Oh that was yrs. a go he gave me permission to date other guys .. He told me he hasnt seen any other girls Ive been the only one even when i confessed to dating other guys!! I know what the outcome of this is going to be but am i rushing it if i tell him i want to be engaged now? Besides giving me permission ive been faithful to him even pushing other guys away remaining a virgin

Btw thanx Yoda love that pic of the frog strangling the bird .. I wont give up!!!

What do you mean by "more" commitment? He already seems very committed to you. He isn't seeing other women, whereas you have dated.

You've been clear about the chronic pain condition. If he waits for you, then that is another sign of his commitment. If he can't wait any longer, then good riddance. A good man will be able to respect your health and wishes.

As for getting engaged to him -- has he proposed? If he has, the decision is something that you'll have to make by yourself. Are you ready? Do you want to do this? Is it a practically sound decision? Do you love him? Will you be a stable and functional couple? These factors are, in my opinion, more important to your long-run happiness than the desire to have sex.

If you don't want to have sex with him right now than just say no.

Psychedone, yes youmight be right i never saw it that way it is a way of him being committed yes i would love to be engaged to him yes i do love him but maybe adhd is a factor in why we havent gotten to that stage yet..my friend told me hes getting older and maybe getting more mature

Who has ADHD? You or him? Although ADHD can place a strain on a relationship, it is very possible to have a successful life together. Here are some books that deal with this; you can look through Amazon to find others.

Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder: Gina Pera, Russell Barkley: 9780981548708: Amazon.com: Books

The ADHD Marriage Workbook: A User-Friendly Guide to Improving Your Relationship: Michael T Bell: 9780963878465: Amazon.com: Books

He has it and yes i have love sex and relationships for adhd and loving someone with adhd both books i read cover to cover

Have you attempted an honest conversation with your bf about how his ADHD affects your relationship? Has he shown sincere and constructive attempts to improve himself? I'm of the opinion that we can't force anyone to change or become someone else, but that we can definitely help someone who wants to become a better person.

Yes i have mentioned adhd being an issue he wasnt happy about it .. But he making time now soo i consider that a change

Chronic pain can be a real strain on an individual and a relationship as well.
I am not clear on whether youare in therapy to deal with the emotional and psychological toll that this can take, but if you are not, you should think about that.

If you two are great with commmunication, you may actually want to consider couples therapy NOW if you have access- the stress of a chronic physical condition plus if the adhd is particularly severe may take their toll- going to some kind of counseling or therapy together short term will give you both great communication skills.

Having important conversations regarding decisions about your relationship via text is not really the way to go either- there is too much opportunity for misinterpretation and too much potential for distraction.

The sex issue in terms of limitations with chronic pain- there will likely be off and on issues for the entirety of your relationship if this is a chronic long term condition that you have. There are a LOT of ways to get around it, but that requires communication and trust.

You will likely have good and bad periods- but that happens with any person, with any relationship.

I highly recommend having some in depth, face to face conversations and considering some joint counseling, maybe even only a handful of sessions.