In the closet.

Well, by the title I'm sure you can guess what this is about.

I'm 20 and I've always had an attraction to females, always. I've always been in denial though, I've dated guys, had sex with them. After, I felt sad, dirty and empty. When I finally admitted to myself, things got a little better, I told people I was bisexual because I would get a lot of hassle from my ex's friends.

Why is it fair that I'll get hassle for something I can't control. I really tried to be with him. But he was like an older brother.

I know I'm a lesbian, only one person knows. I don't know how to come out to anyone else. It's scary. Terrifying actually.

anybody else know the feeling?

I am sure it can be really scary. You don't know how people will respond and if you might even be rejected by some folks.

Maybe some folks will share their experiences soon.

It takes courage, even today, to be "out". There's no hurry. Come out when you're ready.

Hi, bemydonkey. You have my empathy; it is very difficult to come out. I am a 35 year old woman and I came out when I was 29; I didn't purposely hide it or put off coming out that long, that's just kind of how it happened. Now I am married to a wonderful woman and we are very happy. I understand that's not everyone's experience; I understand that there are a wide variety of experiences. Culturally, even in places where gay marriage is legal and there are certain laws to protect the rights of LGBTQ2I folks, it can still be dangerous to be out. It is still legal to lose a job. You can still have the crap beat out of you and nobody come to the rescue, even if it is now legal to pursue it as a hate crime. People who come out risk losing friends and family members; there is gossip, there is exclusion, and all kinds of other things. But I'm sure you probably realize that, as a lesbian, it's very difficult to try to keep it inside. Is there anyone else you know who may or may not be gay/lesbian/queer/trans/etc, who you can talk to about this? It often helps to come out in stages. If you start by telling only the people closest to you, whom you can trust the most, then it gradually becomes easier over time to build up confidence and take more steps to be "out". The other thing to keep in mind is, there are different levels of "out". Some people are totally and completely out, to their friends, families, colleagues, etc. Some people are only out to friends and partners, and not to family and colleagues, because of the implications it might have. It's really up to you, but the older you get, and the longer you deny who you are to other people, the more you end up having to deny parts of yourself, which can cause all kinds of problems in your life. I'm happy to talk about this more any time you like. Feel free to private message me. Good luck with everything. I hope this helps.

Have your read "A Liar's Autobiography"? Apart from being a very funny book, there is a description of a coming out party that you might find useful.

I would think more pragmatically - who really needs to know? I mean if you don't have a great relationship with your folks for example, does it really matter to them what your sexuality is? I would tell those who care about you in your own time, there's no rush and it's not something that can just be got over with - there's a time and a place and i think you'll know when the time is right. Have you joined the LGBTQ social group? It has a forum as well as a message board so it might be useful to place your question there as well if you haven't already. Folks are very supportive there and i'm sure they'd be happy to help you as best they can. Good luck.