Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but child cannot make up her mind?

Our DD just turned 15, is recently diagnosed bipolar, medicated and in therapy, finally with a therapist she likes and respects. She is also adopted and her birth mother is bi-sexual, or at least claimed to be several years ago. DD was supposedly conceived with the help of a guy friend so she and her female partner could raise a child together and is now claiming to be engaged to a man. We got DD at birth as a ward of the state.

So, I am not sure if this is an issue of identity confusion, if she really isn't sure of her orientation, if she is trying to form some type of connection with bio mom (whom she has not met personally and probably won't because of severe substance abuse problems) or if she is bi-sexual. DH and I have both told her that we love her unconditionally no matter what her sexual orientation and I think she truly does believe that.

She goes back and forth. She has told us at different times that she is straight, gay, transgendered and quite often, bi-sexual. She will "date" a girl for awhile, the relationship ends and you can bet your life on it that her next relationship will be with a guy. And then the cycle continues.

Thoughts?

Thanks for any light you might be able to shed on this!

Nancy

On top of her illness etc she is 15 yrs old with hormones going crazy which as well as affecting her illness will be causing every mood swing possible ; so in today's overtly sexual world it must be confusing.

Women/ girls quite commonly go through a state of attraction to their own gender; myself personally can find that an attractive skimpy clothed woman or in pornography sexually turns me on, but I am straight I personally wouldn't want to engage in intimacy of any level with a woman. I truly believe that I have such taste because from my earliest memories I have been bombarded with those types of images on TV and in magazines and told through advertising etc that it is a turn on. It's learnt behaviour just the same as going and ordering a coke to drink despite knowing that they only have Pepsi I always ask for Coke !

So I can imagine that now with the world so open and so desperate for each of us to label ourselves it must be incredibly confusing for any teenager, let alone your daughter with all her extra/intense emotions.

Your doing the right thing telling her your there and love her no matter what. I'm sure she'll work it out especially as she has your support just be patient a while longer

I honestly think she's just working on figuring it out. She will get there. I find a lot of kids around the age of 15 haven't found their sexuality yet. She will.

15 is the age of development in sexuality and the best thing you can do is support her and how she is discovering and reaching these peaks.

I always believe it unfair to blame sexuality identity on hormones, we don't blame straight childrens sexuality on hormones and illness, do we? This is typical actually. And the fact that she is being open about it is fantastic!

Let her be her. Let her discover, change her mind, research, change the way she dresses, just be there. It's the best thing you can do!

I just want to clarify that I am not saying that hormones make gay, straight or bi.

I'm suggesting that perhaps being a young woman her hormone cycle is having an influence on her bipolar ( my other half has a personality disorder and I have learnt that it tends to be affected by a woman's natural hormone cycle) puberty can be a confusing time for young adults and then you have exterior pressures from friends and society. But with the continued support and love of her family she'll find what makes her happy it may take her a little time tho

Thank you all so much for sharing your wisdom and empathy! I'll just try to relax, continue to support her and give it some time!

Nancy

Grey Matter said, "I always believe it unfair to blame sexuality identity on hormones, we don't blame straight childrens sexuality on hormones and illness, do we?"

What an excellent comment! Real food for thought. It applies to fetishes, too. I truly don't know the origins of my fetishes, but, while they first assaulted me early in puberty, I was having very "fetishy" thoughts long before that. My wife has no fetishes, but I've never thought to explain that by saying that her hormones forced non-fetishism on her! I believe that her experiences, and her gender, made her the sexual person she is, as my experiences and my gender made me the sexual person I am. Especially the experiences in my case: exposure to a lot of sexual though and activity outside my home, but inside my home a nearly absolute proscription against pre-marital sex.

Other

I'm not sure of what is the question. Is "DD" Developmentally Disabled?
Recent Public Radio spotlight on Common practice Mis-Diagnosing adopted children with Mental Illnesses and medicating (Psychotropic Medications Alter and change brain "Function-Compensation-Resistance-Adaption-Change-Function", impacting cellular level brain changes in function effecting behavior and impacting current and future brain development that can not be un-done, or chemical modification, as the brain is Now FOREVER Psychotropic Medication substance dependent brain. The diagnosis may be wrong and behavior related to adolescence and the consequences of pharmaceutical chemical dependence does not ever go away. Doctors do not always have the right answers and our culture's reactionary need to rely on prescription medications to fix behavior is not the best choice for young children still growing.
when the core issues being an adopted child are commonly downplayed and overlooked.