might be lesbian

Hi there everybody.

So everyday this year now I’ve been thinking about my sexuality. What started my anxiety was when I read an article regarding digit ratio and it said lesbians tend to have a longer ring finger. I have a longer ring finger. And I have had strong feelings for my female friends before. It lead to me to hopelessly wonder, am I exclusively lesbian? I can’t say I’ve ever been in love with a man, but I can see myself easily more falling in love with a woman. I want more than anything to have a family and children with a man im in love with. Will that ever happen?
I dont want to be a lesbian but I feel like I could love women more than men. They are just more beautiful and more easy to emotionally connect with.
I remember being attracted to women as far as 5 years old.

When I had a retrograde flashback of my life all the signs, meanings, and social interactions screamed I was lesbian. I am very sad it is so. I think it is a reason for all the awkwardness and psychic pain I had endured.
I think the first step is to face it, which I slowly am.
The issue is, I currently have a boyfriend. Who I’m not so sure I am wholeheartedly attracted to. (I was very attracted to my ex boyfriend. Though I don’t think my heart ever beat fast for him.except on our first kiss and at times When I felt I couldn’t have him). Anyway so you can see how this is a complicated situation. I was amidst my awakening phase when he came and we just started dating I guess so here it is.
I think I was in denial for so long that even the thought of eating a girl out or making out with a girl is awkward for me. I think I need to do my worse fear: go all out lez to release and explore myself. I don’t want anything to hide anymore.

I think you are just freaking yourself out. I would not put any faith into a longer ring finger. just because you aren't 100percent into your relationships with your guys may just mean they are the wrong guys for you, not that you are a lesbian. it doesn't mean you have to grab the first lesbian that comes along to test out your theory. but by all means, if nature takes it course, and you find yourself attracted to a girl somewhere down the road, explore the relationship.

Freaking out over it won't help at all - natural enough reaction tho so please don't feel bad. Just take a bunch of deep breaths and remember that the world will not end if you don't figure this out right now. Or tomorrow. For some folks, the answer changes, maybe several times.

I will say that it is my personal opinion that our society's relative permissiveness (compared to a generation or two back) tends to reinforce gender confusion. I think that homosexual feelings are relatively more common than most of us would think (or admit). Fifty years ago, most folks would bury their head and those feelings. Now, everyone wants to tell you that it's OK, and while I'm certainly not advocating a return to our homophobic past, I do think that it makes it easy to react as you are - to think "Gee, if I feel this way, I must *be* this way." Sometimes an urge is just that, and nothing more. So take your time, and remember you've got support here.

EDIT: Hey, no more moderation. I guess this was post 5. Just thought I would add that I came here because I have a son who is dealing with similar thoughts, and just had a long talk with him about it last night. The above paragraph summarizes one of the things we discussed, and I admitted to him that I've occasionally had those feelings and urges, too. There's no simple, easy answer.

longer than what? how did they define longer? Have you wondered?

Hi there! I'm (sort of, it's complicated, but not super relevant here) a girl, and really gay. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of confusing stuff right now. I don't have a ton of time right now to write a long reply but a couple of things:

- digit ratio is completely, totally bunk. It's bad science that's been disproven and means nothing.

- there are more possibilities than "completely straight" or "completely gay". You can be into both guys and girls! You could be, for instance, into girls more often than guys but that still means there are guys you *are* interested in.

- Ask yourself if you want keep your relationship with your boyfriend. if you do? then no worries, all is good. If you don't, that's a bad sign whether or not you're a lesbian.

- It can definitely be scary and hard to deal with things all at once. Unless you want to, you don't have to! If you want to try dating a girl, by all means go on ahead, but don't force yourself into situations you're not comfortable with. Do you have any friends offline you can talk with about maybe being into girls ? It's useful sometimes to have someone in person to bounce thoughts off of.

- If you can imagine yourself falling in love with a woman, you're probably not straight. But like I said, there are lots of places in between! Admitting you're interested in girls doesn't mean you have to sign a contract in blood to never speak to a man again. It means that you're opening yourself up to new possibilities - what you do with that is up to you.

- And if you do come to decide or realize you're gay, it's not the end of the world, I promise. Gay people live happy lives and can have families and children too, if that's what you want.

Good luck figuring things out!

thanks so much for your affirming words. this really calmed my anxiety

I'm so glad! Feel free to message me if you have questions/worries in the future and want a sympathetic ear.