I wanto go to a Munch

There's a munch in December about 40min away from where I live. I've never been to one. Any advice? How do I broach the subject w/my H. My interest in BDSM he thinks stems from all my past abuse. He thinks it can b triggering & unhealthy.

I don't. I'd like to enjoy it if he'd agree

perhaps do research about how it is not necessarily related to abuse. lots of perfectly healthy people do this and present it to him that way. invite him along so he can see it isn't something that is unhealthy. just another way of expressing ones sexuality.

It's simply a group of like-minded and curious individuals. Your participation in the conversation can simply be limited to the quality of the food

I think you could liken it to a visit to a nude beach....all sorts of uncomfortable. Then you see that most people are simply there to enjoy the sun and the surf and nobody is being judgmental about anybody else.

I suspect many that are into kink don't delve too deeply into the why of it. Whatever your thing is, then do it if it makes you happy. But that's just my opinion.

I don't even know how to tell him how I got the information for it. It's not like they advertise all over. I think if he knew I was looking around on kink sites that alone would make him angry

I want to go as well but I am worried that I won't fit in. I don't have any leather, and i'm really just a jeans and t-shirt type person. The best I can do is maybe put together a black suit, as though I am attending a funeral.

I find the scene a little intimidating.

They don't dress like that. They like to avoid gawkers.
Just go. It's not really about handcuffs and knot tying (because they're usually in a public place), it's just a meet and greet, especially for newcomers to the scene.
They are friendly folks who are happy to help. Occasionally there are singles looking for a partner because it's a safe environment to meet someone you might click with.

You probably have been where there was one and had no idea....

Yes I've heard it's a good place to find nice people to talk to that r into the scene. I think it would b a good place for me to maybe find a friend to talk to. Don't really have one. I just think my H will b too embarrassed to go, say he wants to keep out sex life just in our bedroom & will b very worried he'll b recognized. That's his biggest problem. He doesn't separate himself from his work. Think he'd rather be married to work than me.
I need this. I need something in my life.

Most munches are vanilla, meaning they go somewhere public and come dressed casually and don't talk about BDSM at all. Honestly, this is not your husband's decision, this is your decision.

But he's going to ask why do I wanto go?
I can't tell my H of 20 yrs that I need more from our sex life. Yes he has tried & we've moved in a positive direction a wee bit. But I want so much more! More than I know he's willing to give. It makes me sound like I'm looking for satisfaction outside my marriage....which is basically true....which is cheating on him.

Um ... what's a munch?

I have a friend tell me about this, they seem awesome. But the closest one to me is an hour away and I don't care to go that far to go to one.

So I looked up the definition of a Munch and ... well I'll be darned. There's one here in Wichita, Kansas next month! Lol! Who'd have ever guess?

Webgoji. R u game to go? They are everywhere I've heard. Some r easy to find & others r more "underground"

Naw. That's not our thing. Although it's awesome that there's going to be one here, just not interested.

Well basically the munch is too far away. I can't sneak away & I'm 99% sure my H will laugh @ me & call me nuts so I'm not going.
End thread

That means there a 1% chance he won't. Do you guys do kinky stuff; spanking, tying up, etc? If so and you don't mind sharing that stuff outside the bedroom, it might not be a bad idea. It'll give you guys a chance to interface with others that have been there and know the traps and dangers and how to do things right without hurting each other, etc.

As for Mrs. Webgoji and I, we prefer to keep certain things in private so a Munch really isn't right for us.

He would say the same thing. He'd want it private, just things in our bedroom. That makes him happy....I guess

Your happiness is important, too!

I agree with Can'tExplain. I think this is probably something you both need to talk about.

Mrs. Webgoji and I together aren't interested. I'm not a naturally kinky guy so it's something I have to bring myself to do and is emotionally difficult. It's not upsetting, just exhausting emotionally. Mrs. Webgoji is more private. So for both of us a munch just wouldn't work.

But it sounds like you and your husband might be on different ends of the table on this. So I think some negotiation is in order. It doesn't have to be a fight or anything, but both of you need to negotiate with the idea of getting the other as much as you can.

For example, maybe you guys don't go to this munch, but participate in online discussions to make your husband more comfortable with the situation. Get to know the people that would go to a munch so you know what goes on. Then maybe actually attend with friends.

What I'm saying is that this sounds like a compromise situation where each could give a little.