mmm sex

i guess there is something of a continuum...

so there is sexual activity without any 'aids'
and then there is sexual activity with aids like lube...
and then there is sexual activity with aids like vibrators...
and then there is sexual activity with aids like blow up dolls...
and then there is sexual activity that clearly involves objectification of a person (rape).

i'm not at all meaning to suggest that there is an inevitable progression...

but i do think that this would be one way of laying out a progressing of 'object involved' (rather than 'subject involved' sex')... perhaps...

but then maybe the 'object involvement' cuts across kant's object / subject distinction. seems to me that it would be possible to have objectifying sex in the absence of aids and to have subjectifying sex in the presence of aids...

but perhaps there is some relation???

don't know...

the experiences we have affect the desires we have... if you watch a lot of porn involving massochistic / rape scenes then it might well make it more likely that you have violent, objectifying sexual urges (extreme example, but i'm sure it has application to more moderate forms of objectification too)

like i said... if i was involved with a person then i might give aids a go at times...

but i won't be training my body to them with respect to masterbation.

just my personal 'what is right for me' i guess.

everyone needs to find their own 'what is right for me' i understand that.... i'm just trying to explain my decision.

(i don't think it is wrapped up in prudishness or shame or disgust or anything like that. it is about reflecting on what i want sex to be about. that is what i intended to convey with my explanation).

just my thoughts. i am up for discussion (take what you will). i could come around to different ways of viewing it ;-)

but it is my present take, yeah.

do people feel the same way about blow up dolls and artificial vaginas as they feel about vibrators? if not... why not? and what... is the difference?

i have never given blow up dolls any thought at all.......artificial vaginas, not very much either. to me a man is going to use his hand more than anything else. and he can achieve an orgasm easier with his hand than i can with mine. so if i can achieve an orgasm with a vibrator (bunny) or toy and it's very pleasant and stress free, then that's what i'm going to do.

of course i prefer sex with my SO. but he ain't here all of the time.

i've never watched porn so have no comment on that aspect of it.

all of this talk of "objectification" makes me uncomfortable though. you're going places with that one when most of us have probably never thought of it like in that way.

as you get older, lube is essential. as are hormone creams. life does that.

I think all of us here prefer the "real thing" I know I do but sometimes when the real thing isn't available a quickie with a vibrator is of good use. It also helps in the bedroom with a couple. personally I have used them for many many years and never once have I had one that shocked me. although one time I did have an electric one short out and I threw it across the room and then to the trash lol soon bought a new one lol

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alexandra_k said:
it is interesting to read about peoples views... i'm not sure that people are getting where i'm coming from particularly, but thats okay.

he had some stuff to say about sex... basically... he thought that sexual activity (between two people) was (in the 'best' case) an interaction / activity between two subjects. he thought that it wasn't so good if sexual activity (between two people) was an interaction between one subject and one object.

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I understand where you are coming from and I use to be there myself, but over time and with some education on the subject I have since changed my POV...... and now while I no longer (or rarely) use self pleasure by myself - I am open and willing to participate in it with my husband, for I do understand that ones body can become accustom to pleasure thru or with a sexual device, therefore, not be able to engage in regular sexual activity with a real live human and receive pleasure from it.... I speak of this from personal experience, and not that of just mere words of another.

IMO - (so take it or leave it) - sex is kind of like religion.... YOU have to decide and make that choice on your own and not let what another has to say on the subject influence you.... for a lot of what another says on any given subjects is largely based on their POV and not that of total truth or fact.

I personally changed my POV concerning what is allowed within sex after I read in the BIBLE of all books, which stated: that the marriage bed is undefiled...... meaning what goes on behind closed doors between a man and a woman that is married is between them and completely blessed from above - IF both partners are in total agreement.

So..... Hang in there and lean not to another's wants or desires and learn by what you are comfortable with and like to do sexually..... and please know that no one here is trying to change your mind - we are just trying to help by letting you know how we personal feel and by what we do sexually with adult toys so that you will know that it is normal and not feel as though it is perverted.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

bebop, there are people that actually use devices to give them electric shocks while masturbating or having sex, did you know that? And, NO, I'm not suggesting it's a good idea, LOL! But you made me think of that!

I hear you there -\ Eeeek!!!! - SEX and PAIN not my thing.................

.... but to each their own -

yes I do know that but I don't know of a single vibrator that does that. thank goodness lol. I have heard people use electrical cords or something. not me no way no how! uh uh!

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alexandra_k said:
i miss it :-(

a love affair... thats what i need...

;-)

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I could use a love affair myself. I'm tired of hugging my pillow.

that is why I am glad I am not truck driving anymore. I don't have to hug my armless legless companion. my pillow

I'm sure there are people who use electric cords and whatnot, but there are specifically devices made to provide these shocks safely (as much as they can be safe; they do come with warnings--which I know from reading about them in catalogs, not from ordering them myself, LOL!).

alexandra, in case I didn't come across as such, I am not putting you down for your feelings or beliefs on this topic; I'm just sharing my views, and not saying you're wrong or anything.

> I understand where you are coming from and I use to be there myself, but over time and with some education on the subject I have since changed my POV...

Yeah. I used to think that there wasn't anything wrong with sex toys etc (with respect to what it was and was not okay for ME to do) but with some of this thinking about objectification and the way our bodies acquire physiological responses to new stimuli and the way our bodies experiences affect our desires I have since changed my POV.

(I just mean to say that 'education on the subject' can lead one to either conclusion, perhaps).

> I speak of this from personal experience, and not that of just mere words of another.

I don't see the problem that people have with what they regard to be the 'mere words of another' when those words have been informed by experimental data (often times the collection of many peoples reports of experiences)...

With respect to the notion that 'what goes on behind closed doors between a man and a woman that is married is between them and completely blessed from above - IF both partners are in total agreement'. Do you think that there are certain acts that someone could not give proper agreement to? I guess I'm thinking of cases such as... The guy in germany who put an ad in the paper because he wanted to find somebody he could kill and eat. Somebody gave his consent and so that was done. I don't want to get hung up in that particular case but I guess I'm wondering whether you think that there might be some acts that one is simply unable to give informed consent to do (e.g., if one partner wanted to severely hurt the other would it be possible for the other party to want to be severely hurt and give informed consent for it to be done with gods approval?)

> we are just trying to help by letting you know how we personal feel and by what we do sexually with adult toys so that you will know that it is normal and not feel as though it is perverted.

'Perverted' is a very strong word. It isn't one I would have used. With respect to 'normal' I don't know whether it is statistically normal or not... I've never cared much for 'normality' in that sense, however. It is more about optimal or ideal. The kind of person I want to be... Do I want to encourage my body go 'get off' on objectifications? Not really. I appreciate that people who choose to use toys often don't see what they are doing in that way. I'm just explaining why it is that I've made the personal decision not to use them, however.

Anyway... The point of the thread was kind of about finding a real live man...

I kinda found a candidate... Then realised that maybe I didn't really want one after all. Nothing happened. Doing alright... Hanging in there...

Though I am finding the discussion interesting :-)

I do find it fairly interesting to hear about the things that people find okay for them and not okay for them and some of the reasons why they have come to their views (what diversity there is!)

Like how some people have come to the decision that sex outside marriage is something that is not right for them while others find that okay. Like how some people have come to the decision that sex outside the context of a serious relationship is not okay while others find that okay. Etc etc.

I think it would be terrific if this forum could be used to explore some of these different ideas that people have so people can reflect on their own views. Particularly great if the conversation does indeed stay focused on what people find okay and not okay for them personally rather than their views on the activities of others.

I agree Alexandra. This is an interesting discussion. Here's what's not okay with me. I'm not okay with having sex outside of a serious relationship. I have friends who have fun with casual sex and that's fine for them. I don't think that what they're doing is wrong; it's just not for me. Sex isn't just physical for me; it's very emotional too. So, I need to really trust someone and care deeply about them (and know that they feel the same way about me) and feel a strong emotional connection with them before I can have a physically intimate relationship with them.

well i'm more oversexed than my hubby so i've ordered a pocket rocket to keep me company on those long nights when he works. all good healthy fun and i bet it interferes with next door's tv lmao.

if you put a vibrator against your nose and it tingles its the right one for you - just thought i'd let you in on that secret.

i say each to their own really, dont have to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

jin(blushing slightly) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

i agree with you, juliana..............and the pocket rocket woman............

I can see us women in a store with a vibrator up to our noses lol oh just the image of that one lol

bebop, I was picturing that, too! "Excuse me, Sir, could I open those vibrators--especially that super big one--and hold them against my nose? I want to make sure I get the right one!"

I don't think there's anything wrong with sex outside of marriage or a serious relationship, and I wouldn't feel guilty to do that, but I do prefer sex and love together, in a relationship.

lmao i have been to an anne summers party to try the nose thing lol - it may be a brit thing though

heeheee

jinny xoxoxoxox

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jinnyann said:
i say each to their own really, dont have to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

jin(blushing slightly) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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LOL, Jinny. I have a pocket rocket too. I also have a bunny vibe. I like them both.

juliana (blushing slightly) xoxoxooxox

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bebop said:
I can see us women in a store with a vibrator up to our noses lol oh just the image of that one lol

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LOL!

Haha I can imagine that too. That would be really funny.

I'm only 16 though, I only like having sex with my boyfriend. We've been together for a while now, and he's been my first so no biggie. Sucks though, my parents want me to go to his house tonight -- no sex. (Atleast my mom knows we have sex)

Sometimes i wish i had a vibe to get through this, plus I just got off my period. Grrrr.....I'm urging hehe.

Oh, you're so young. That makes me feel all motherly and want to warn you to be careful, etc. So, please do be careful. I waited until I was 19 to have sex because I wasn't emotionally mature enough when I was in high school... and I was TERRIFIED of getting pregnant. I wanted to go to college. I had lots of goals and I was determined that an unexpected pregnancy was not going to interfere with my plans. I'm glad I waited until I was ready.

I know I'm young. But I'm on the pill and use condoms. I'm mature for my age I'd say though. I have a goal that I want to be when I'm older, a psychologist or counsellor, but if I have my own problems, I'm not so sure that's a great job for me.

I don't think that having problems precludes you from being a psychologist. One of my friends struggles with depression and she's a therapist... and a damn good one. I think her own experience with psychological problems makes her more empathetic.

So, if you want to be a psychologist, I say GO FOR IT!

okay.....i'm going to digress but this is funny. a friend gave me a pocket rocket......i put it in a kitchen drawer. this last time i moved, one of the helpers was unloading that drawer and that rocket went off!!! he nearly jumped out of his skin as i threw myself over the drawer and yelled "i'll do that"............i had forgotten about the darned thing being in there...........he didn't see it and i still giggle when i picture the scene..........they are very loud when they're rolling around in a kitchen drawer..........