mmm sex

> I don't feel you can have loving sex with a stranger.

I guess it depends on how you define the word 'love'.

> You can have gentle, friendly, caring sex, but it's not love.

Sounds like loving sex to me. I'd settle for that. Don't care what you call it particularly.


Sorry peoples.

I agree with you, Alexandra. I believe that it's possible for some people to have loving sex with a stranger or an acquaintance they're not in a serious relationship with. It's something many of my friends do and they enjoy it and find it fulfilling.

I had sex with a friend once. I knew him very well and we had been close friends for a long time. I ended up regretting it, though, partly because he was in love with me and I didn't feel the same way about him. I also found that I didn't enjoy it as much as when I have had sex with someone I'm in love with. That's just me, though. That's the way I am. It's a very personal thing... we all experience sex in different ways and I think it fulfills different needs for different people. I need to be able to really relax and let myself go in order to really enjoy sex, and I'm not capable of being that open and relaxed with someone I'm not in love with, so casual sex has never been appealing to me.

"To each his own" is my philosophy. I'm all for people doing what they're comfortable with and works for them personally.

I have been browsing this thread but not posting in it, and I did see that conversation was flowing off direction, but I didn't say anything because conversations naturally ebb and flow, and I didn't see consternation as to the thread evolving naturally, or I would have steered it back on course if I had sensed that it was going too far off topic. For that I apologize. It is looking as though it is back on track here. We can always put a gentle reminder in threads that we start if we want it to get back on track.

I also wanted to mention that I always keep in mind our younger viewers in this forum, and while the conversation has been a bit descriptive, I didn't feel it was too descriptive for younger viewrs. We don't have "kids" here. We have teens and young adults.

I just wanted to post and make sure ya'll know that I am watching this forum, even if I don't post on it much. Thanks Alexandera_K for nudging your thread back in the right direction; always feel free to do so when you start a thread, or let me know. =)

(This was just a quick reply Julianna, hope you don't think I'm aiming my post at you. )

Thanks,
Rayna

Hi Rayna. I agree. I welcome reminders to get things back on topic. In fact, I often NEED reminders because I have a tendency to ramble. So, I'm always totally cool with someone making a reminder or saying YO, YOU'RE OFF TOPIC! LOL

It is okay, you don't have to apologise. I'm grateful that I got to post something myself rather than finding that someone else had stepped in on my behalf.

Well alot of younger viewers know most of those things everyone is talking about in here. But okay, won't post here anymore then. Sorry guys.

It is okay littlemissjess. You have as much of a right to be here as everyone else. I think some people just got a little bit freaked that teenagers would be reading here and when you said your age it got them a little bit freaked.

But that really is their issue. I mean ALL of these boards are viewable to anybody with internet access. In fact there are a lot of sites out there with far more detailed content (including pictures) and very inaccurate information that are viewable to anybody with internet access.

If you stop posting here... That still won't stop people reading if they choose to do so.

I guess my understanding (based on commonsense) is that you can talk about whatever so long as you aren't unnecessarily graphic. But then again, who knows, it surprises me rather how often other peoples commonsense views diverge from my own ;-)

But please don't stop posting because of others. They have a choice whether they read / post or not and I really don't see how their not posting is likely to affect who reads here. But of course to each their own.

No it's fine. I don't have to. I don't want people to feel weird or freaked out. I won't ruin the topic it's fine. Maybe my young mind doesn't need to read these things then. It's fine I understand, plus I feel really bad now. Plus I got off-topic when I talked about me wanting to become a psychologist. Grrrr. Sorry about that!

> I don't want people to feel weird or freaked out.

Whether you post or not doesn't change whether teenagers (or kids) are reading this board.

And its not like sex is dirty and nasty and that talk of it should be kept from children anyway - is it?

Its not in my book...

And for the record...

I'm glad that you asked about birth control and STD's. I hope that Maven and myself have been a little bit helpful...

I'd really rather you asked than not...

hrm.

why did '%#@&#!' get asterisked?

it is going to be hard to discuss sex if names for body parts get asterisked...

lol.

(seriously though there isn't anything nasty about that is there? is someone making a value judgement on what is wholesome and what isn't???)

it is not that I get freaked out about teens being here. it is the fact that there are many predators on the internet. I had my first child at 16. yes I am a little more old fashioned now and yes it is good that kids ask questions about birth control and std's. It is however the explicit stuff that I think about along with predators and maybe teens don't think about that so much. I know in the area I live in right now there have been many arrest in the last yr of professional men approaching teens online and even going to meet with the teens. that is what bothers me. I don't want any teens/kids hurt emotionally or physically. sorry off topic but wanted to explain my feelings.

I guess I'm still not sure what you mean. Is the concern that if I post about my desire to have a sexual encounter then you think I might get propositioned from off the internet... And that if there are teenagers who post along similar lines to me then you think they might get propositioned from off the internet?

I guess there isn't any harm in being propositioned... Though there may well be harm that results from a meeting.

I guess all the same caveats on meeting people IRL from off the internet apply. I don't really see how this board makes things any less safe than other boards.

Perhaps it is more that... It brings these issues more to the forefront of peoples minds. And that is what they find disturbing. Rather like when that guy posted here about having thoughts / urges to act on sexual feelings for minors even though he said he would rather die than actually act on them...

The problem is that people find it harder to ignore the fact that yeah, there are people out there (possibly even reading your posts) who do have these thoughts / feelings at times.

Whereas typically we can just put that possibility / actuality out of our minds...

While I'll agree some sexual topics are inappropriate for minors (especially very young minors), I don't see how we can have a board about sexuality if we can't talk about anything regarding sexuality, especially if we're dealing with it as a problem.

Jess is old enough to have dealt with sex, which she's already shared with us, so I think and hope these threads will be helpful to her. Plus, it's not as if she were 10 (although, if she were and was having sex, I definitely think she would need some truthful discussion and information). She's not that far from adulthood.

I feel that parents should monitor their children online (and no, not all of them do), so they should be making sure they're not hanging out on this forum, unless they're ok with it. I don't mind using medically appropriate terms, rather than explicit language, to discuss sexuality, but even some of those get censored (although it can be rather amusing ).

maven I agree with you on that. I do know of one youngster we have had in chat that was very young here. say younger than 13. yes I agree the teen that posted here has already had sex and that happens all the time these days so ok on that I guess.

alex I am strictly talking about predators. not propositioning. to me that is very different.

And you are concerned that predators will be drawn to this forum if we post about sex?

(I'm sorry if I'm dense but I am genuinely trying to understand)

Jess I hope you're still reading. I just wanted to assure you that you're welcome to read and post here. I wholeheartedly agree with Alexandra K that since you're sexually active, I'm glad that you're posting your questions here to people who've "been there". You are absolutely welcome to post here, did I say that already? Please don't feel bad about being young....your opinions and experiences are just as important as the rest of us.

Ok, back on topic again.

~Rayna

alex I am concerned in the fact that we don't know who really post here. remember we just had an admitted child predator here in the last month. that is what concerns me. teens can be easliy influenced and taken advantage of. I agree if they are sexually active already then yes they should be here to learn and ask questions.

hear hear

jinny xoxoxoxoxox

> alex I am concerned in the fact that we don't know who really post here.

yeah. we don't really know who posts anywhere. i mean i really really could be a 60 year old male pretending to be a 28 year old female for kicks. how do you know i'm not? you are taking me at my word. But that is true of the general forum and the psychotherapy forum and all of the forums. i guess i don't understand what it is about this forum in particular that is resulting in people feeling uncomfortable.

> remember we just had an admitted child predator here in the last month.

i'm sorry but we did not have an admitted child predator. he admitted that he had thoughts / images / urges around that but he also stated that he had never acted on those (and it is action of preying that makes someone a predator i think).

have you ever had thoughts that you are really embarrassed and ashamed about? imagine if you you shared them with others and other people assumed that you would act on them and treated you like a sicko. would that help you or harm you?

that is what i think happened to this man.

but what it did for people is that they got to thinking that the internet might well not be the safest place after all. this guy posted and seemed to be being honest and facing up to some of his problematic internal states. there could well be other guys out there who don't want to change theirs, however, and they could be pretending to be 28 year old girls or even 10 year old girls in order to attempt to lure vulnerable individuals into their clutches...

doc john makes much of how safe and protected this community is. i appreciate that he does his best to make the members of this community feel safe and protected but i do worry a little that he says things that are misleading if not false in order to lull people into feeling safe and secure here.

for example: he can't prevent predators being here if he doesn't know about them. as such it is wise to be extremely careful about meeting people irl (meet in a public place etc etc).

what he can do is provide the illusion of safety by scapegoating certain individuals, however. seems to be something of a repeated pattern here...

> teens can be easliy influenced and taken advantage of.

so can some adults. i'm still not sure what sorts of things you mean... are you worried about adults meeting with them and taking advantage? it would be nice if there were some caveats / guidelines posted on how careful one might want to be about ones IRL identity and also guidelines on safe meetings. not just for teens methinks...

> I agree if they are sexually active already then yes they should be here to learn and ask questions.

How about those who aren't sexually active yet but are considering becoming sexually active? Is it better to know about possible risks and things like that before sexual activity or after it? Is it better to think about what might be right for oneself before sexual activity or after it?

I know some people think that sex ed is about instilling the parents values (or gods values or whatever). kids get to spend a great number of years under their parents control, however, and by the time they get to be teenagers it is fairly remarkable what they have assimilated already. teenage years are years of moving from parents towards peers in order to grow up to be a healthy member of society. its a time for them to figure out for themselves where they stand on certain issues and figure out the way they want to live their life (with lots of mistakes and learning curves and the like along the way to be sure). i really do think that people are best armed with information and support, however. just like adults...