I'm Acey & I Hate It?

Hey,

I'm a panromatic ace. I don't know many aces, and am really hoping there's some here.
I have depression, and go through crash periods which used to be quite far apart, relative to now. Since I am a romantic person, I had been searching for a partner to spend my life with. Many past partners have said they're okay with me being ace, and not having a sexual relationship with me, but it would never turn out that way. Though I didn't put any effort into those relationships.
Anyway, a few months ago, I found myself falling for someone for the first time. He's a sexual person, and I've always known sex to be a huge part of his life - he was pretty much a slut whose charm I couldn't escape. Though, he also felt the same way and go into his first relationship with me, abandoning all sexual relations for me.
As the months went on, I feel worse and worse about the arrangement. The thought "Why does my sexual orientation take priority over his?" constantly went through my head. So I decided I'd put is first. Or try anyway. I started sleeping with him. Awkwardly. It's not something I like to do, and it's always something I initiate cos he doesn't feel he should.
Now, I can't help but feel like I'm being used. He told his friends straight away about it, which makes me feel really violated. I don't like that it's not something just between us & it puts extra pressure on me to continue.
Though many aces are sex positive, and quite enjoy the act, I'd probably fall under the neutral catagory. I want to enjoy it, but can't.
The feeling of being stuck, and that it seems like sex is taking over the relationship I used to enjoy, keeps triggering crash periods in which I struggle to get out of bed, never mind doing anything else.
Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this situation?

I'm not sure where or not I'd call myself ace, but I very much do not want to have sex at this point in my life (and the thought of it makes me pretty uncomfortable).

It definitely wasn't ok for your partner to tell his friends about the two of you having sex unless you consent to him telling them. That is a major violation of your privacy.

I don't know what to say about your situation that could solve the problem: you absolutely have the right to say no to sex with him or to not initiate (although I know that not initiating when there is pressure to can be hard; I've been in similar situations myself). I think it's clear, though, that having sex with him is upsetting you and that needs to be addressed. As hard as it is to bring it up, I would say it's better to tell him directly what is going on - he does know that you're ace, right? If you simply avoid initiating or say "not now," he will probably continue to pursue it later and follow the status quo.

I'm sorry I can't do more to help you; I know what it's like to be in a situation where you don't want to have sex with a partner who expects it even if he isn't forceful about it. I handled it by mostly pushing things off until we broke up, but I don't know whether that was a good idea or not.

Can you give me a definition here? I have no idea what a panromatic ace is. (A fighter pilot with 5 or more dogfighting victories across the romatic?)

I'm really confused.

Asexual is a lack of sexual attraction. Ace is the shorthand term for asexual. Sexual attraction refers to sexual desire towards a particular person. Sexual desire is the want to have sex, which is not always triggered by something, and many aces experience this but I am not one of those people.
Romantic attraction is the same as being attracted to someone and feeling like you want to develop a relationship with this person, without the sexual attraction to go along with those feelings. The "pan" prefix means that I can experience romantic attraction towards people of all genders, including trans* people.
Hope this explains it well enough!

Thanks for the advice. I decided last night to show him how it affects me. He got really down about it and said he'd stop.. Which isn't exactly what I want either, as it goes back to the thought of my orientation being more important than his..
Most of the other advice I've gotten is that I'm only in my early 20s and that I should end it and look for another ace that wants the same thing. But it's not something I want to give up on. At least until I know I've tried my best to work something out.

Oooo, that makes sense. Thanks for the explanation

I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer though. It sounds like couples therapy might be a good place to start.

Oh, thanks. For all I knew at the time, I thought "ace" was short for AC/DC (i.e. bisexual).

I definitely don't think this means your orientation is "more important" than his! (And even if you weren't ace, he would need to respect your wishes if you don't want to have sex!) It's really messed up that the default in relationships is assumed to be "you will have sex with your partner, unless you specifically say otherwise" as opposed to "you will only have sex if both partners want and agree to it." You're not withholding anything from him, or forcing him to bend to accommodate you; all you're doing is choosing not to participate in an activity that's unpleasant for you. If he can't accept that, he doesn't deserve to be with you, honestly.