[Confusedkitten]

Today my boyfriend revealed that he had sex with his mother a few years ago for a short span of time, whilst he was 25. She would have been in her 50s at the time. This is his biological mother and she raised him. She is still with his father and they did this behind his father's back. He maintains that she's the best sex he's had and the thought of it still turns him on. He sees nothing wrong with it and they only stopped because they nearly got caught.

I am very confused and wondering what could have happened to him to cause these feelings in him. Does anyone have any experience with these situations?

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central confused kitten. I am sorry you feel confused about the situation. It is surprising to me your boyfriend brought it up and then said how wonderful it was. This sounds like a not so subtle form of mental abuse on you. It is certainly disrespectful and an affront to the sanctity of your relationship.

It apparently is not a totally unique situation as it happens to others.
Psych Central - Search results for Son having sex with mother

I would get a therapist to help you sort out these details and figure out where your relationship is at with your bf.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Elana05]

Hi Confusedkitten. Wow this seems like a hard thing to hear from a boyfriend. If I were in your place I would definitely feel confused and kind of aghast. There is definitely a strong taboo around this particular thing. A parent is essentially in a position of power over a child. It is clearly abuse, despite his age IMO. He says it doesn't bother him, but it's something he should talk about with a therapist. As for what you should do? Should you stay with him? My reaction would be no. It's what he engaged in, yes, but more so that he doesn't see the issue with it. (?) Listen to your gut and your heart. As I say to most people, listen to that inner voice. Your feelings are valid.

[~Christina]

Oh wow. I would get as far away from him as possible. No amount of an explanation would ever convince me to stay.

Welcome to PC

Who are we to judge? There's nothing to suggest that sleeping with your mother is objectively wrong.

Boston can do this to people.
Praise him for letting his freak flag fly.
Word to his mother.

[Angelique67]

Unless this is the same op, there was a similar post back in October. The bottom line is that, whatever the reasoning if this is true, you need to end the relationship.

[doyoutrustme]

point for Freud. His opinion is that all young boys are attracted to their mother but then repress those feelings with age because of possible threat from their father.

[Big Mama]

I would be very careful if you do decide to continue this relationship. Abuse is carried down from generation to generation. If his mother did this, even as they were both adults, then it was likely something she had participated in as a younger woman or her brother did or something along those lines. To think that is appropriate behavior, this had to start somewhere else.

If this happened to your bf and his mother, I wonder what may happen one day when he has children. What will he encourage them to do sexually. If he sees this as appropriate then that might leave the door open for future inappropriate actions later.

Just for a reference several of my relatives would see this as appropriate behavior because they have done the same things with there mature children. One of which resulted in pregnancy. I personally have a problem with this kind of behavior.

I can't tell you not to stay with this man, I can only tell you I hear you, I understand your confusion, and I can warn you about what the future may hold. But ultimately we do not know what the future holds just be careful. Good luck in the decisions you make for the future.

I disagree with the naysayers. This one's a keeper.

[JLarissaDragon]

Frankly if it were meI would drop him like a hot potato. This in my opinion is disgusting. But the bottom line is you really want someone who is committed to you and has your interests at heart. I suppose in the end it really depends on where you are with him now rather than in the past.

[Mike_J]

Yea that's a biggie, but is it a deal breaker? That is up to you, if your on the fence then time to bail, but maybe a deeper understanding of the situation and why it happened, and the risks of it happening again might make your decision for you.

At a VERY minimum he needs to see a therapist to work through this.

[krisakira]

I would be worried about him going back to his mother and cheating on you, if he claims that's the best sex he's ever had and that there's nothing wrong with it.

[scorpiosis37]

Clearly, if he thinks his mother is the best sex he has ever had then, in his opinion, you are not as good sexually as she is. He would prefer his mother over you. Lyon can find someone else who will not have these issues or treat you this way!

[Rive.]

Goodness. What if he had a daughter, would he think it's 'normal' to have sex with her?

Sorry but this lack of boundaries is messed up. Particularly worrying is him seeing nothing wrong with it.

[Eris]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

I disagree with the naysayers. This one's a keeper.

Despite the terrible advice, I think you should not do that. Um.... I figure you've been with this guy a while to not have high tailed it out of the relationship like instantly, or something super significant, like you have a kid together, because there needs to be a logical explanation. Momma's boy's and mother-in-law's are bad enough.... forgetting how insanely weird the sitch is, now matter what, you're never going to be able to serve it up to him, like mommy did. Not just his favorite meatloaf either.

[shaun1981]

that whole situation is not right and having read the comments from some of the other people i despair of this world. how is sleeping with your mum or dad right? it is so unnatural and he is clearly extremely mentally ill. I would just go as soon as possible

[Ganganthefatman]

Wow. You guys are so judgemental.

The only problem I see with this is that it seems like with the way he told you about this that he's unhappy with your sexual performance. It also sounds like if he had the chance he'd have an affair with her behind your back.

If you were to leave him, I don't think this should be why. After all, him being consentually attracted to someone doesn't change who he is as a person.

[Axiom]

Originally Posted by Ganganthefatman

Wow. You guys are so judgemental.

The only problem I see with this is that it seems like with the way he told you about this that he's unhappy with your sexual performance. It also sounds like if he had the chance he'd have an affair with her behind your back.

If you were to leave him, I don't think this should be why. After all, him being consentually attracted to someone doesn't change who he is as a person.

Are you for real?

First of all, unprotected incestuous sex is wrong if it can lead to pregnancy. That simple.

Second, this guy is a creep. Only creeps and abusers boast about having had great sex with their biological mother. It is not normal - he knows this, but he chose to talk about how great a turn on it is for him anyway. I sincerely doubt it is his need for honesty that made him share this with you. A more normal person would keep the details of this affair to themselves. It is obviously a very painful and confusing thing for you to hear - he knows this too. The logical conclusion is that he is being abusive and you need to get away from him as soon as possible.

I am frankly appalled by some of the responses to this thread. Where are the moderators?

[Ganganthefatman]

Originally Posted by Axiom

Are you for real?

First of all, unprotected incestuous sex is wrong if it can lead to pregnancy. That simple.

Second, this guy is a creep. Only creeps and abusers boast about having had great sex with their biological mother. It is not normal - he knows this, but he chose to talk about how great a turn on it is for him anyway. I sincerely doubt it is his need for honesty that made him share this with you. A more normal person would keep the details of this affair to themselves. It is obviously a very painful and confusing thing for you to hear - he knows this too. The logical conclusion is that he is being abusive and you need to get away from him as soon as possible.

I am frankly appalled by some of the responses to this thread. Where are the moderators?

Maybe I didn't word it good enough. What I mean is; I don't see anything wrong with incestuous relationships as a whole. In the end, it's just two people that are fond of each other that happen to share the same blood.

There's nothing psychological about it, it's just attraction towards a family member. The only time incest is wrong is when its forced, but I don't see a problem if it's consensual.

As for procreating with family members, they have done research that proves that the chances of birth defects are no higher than those who aren't family.

What sense does it make to get the mods involved just because you personally don't agree with others opinions? Personally, I'm apalled you're trying to force your personal veiws amongst others.

Although, I do agree that this particular guy may not be right for her, because after all, a boyfriend should make his girlfriend feel special, not insecure.

[UCMATH]

Originally Posted by Axiom

Are you for real?

First of all, unprotected incestuous sex is wrong if it can lead to pregnancy. That simple.

Second, this guy is a creep. Only creeps and abusers boast about having had great sex with their biological mother. It is not normal - he knows this, but he chose to talk about how great a turn on it is for him anyway. I sincerely doubt it is his need for honesty that made him share this with you. A more normal person would keep the details of this affair to themselves. It is obviously a very painful and confusing thing for you to hear - he knows this too. The logical conclusion is that he is being abusive and you need to get away from him as soon as possible.

I am frankly appalled by some of the responses to this thread. Where are the moderators?

Not everyone shares your beliefs about morality and normality, and it's pretty messed up to seek to censor people who disagree with you.

Honestly, there isn't anything wrong with incest between consenting adults. Nobody should give a damn. There are people who believe I'm disgusting for being a lesbian. I'm not going to be like them and judge others for their sexual preferences or consensual behavior. Imo, consensual incest between adults is no more reprehensible than homosexual acts.

Also, "not normal" doesn't mean "wrong." And I don't understand how the logical conclusion is that he is being abusive. I like his honesty.

[UCMATH]

Originally Posted by Rive.

Goodness. What if he had a daughter, would he think it's 'normal' to have sex with her?

Sorry but this lack of boundaries is messed up. Particularly worrying is him seeing nothing wrong with it.

I don't see anything wrong with it if the daughter is an adult.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by UCMATH

Not everyone shares your beliefs about morality and normality, and it's pretty messed up to seek to censor people who disagree with you.

Honestly, there isn't anything wrong with incest between consenting adults. Nobody should give a damn. There are people who believe I'm disgusting for being a lesbian. I'm not going to be like them and judge others for their sexual preferences or consensual behavior. Imo, consensual incest between adults is no more reprehensible than homosexual acts.

Also, "not normal" doesn't mean "wrong." And I don't understand how the logical conclusion is that he is being abusive. I like his honesty.

Not everyone shares your beliefs either.

[UCMATH]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Not everyone shares your beliefs either.

I know that. I don't know where you're going with this. My post clearly acknowledges that Axiom and I don't share the same beliefs, which means that I'm aware that others don't necessarily share my beliefs.

[UCMATH]

Confusedkitten,
I wish I had good advice. I've never been in an incestuous relationship, but I know a person who is in one. They're a perfectly happy couple (aside from having to keep things on the dl). Obviously, your boyfriend's situation is a bit different. If it's something that really bothers you, then that's okay. I recognize that a lot of people are freaked out by that sort of thing.