[puzzled]

I have remarried in the last 2 years and love my new wife but find that I cannot sustain an erection with her. This would not be such a problem but even talking to my ex wife puts me into full arousal. I have tried viagra but without success. Obviously this is a psycological problem but my new marrage is under stress because sexually I cant perform. Help...

hey.

i'm wondering what else might be going on with your marriage. part of figuring out what is going on might be figuring out why you feel attracted to your ex and why you don't feel attracted to your current wife.

what are the dynamics around your ex?

e.g.,

there is no way that you guys are going to do anything?
there is a love - hate thing going on?

dunno...

what are the dynamics around your current wife?

e.g.,

arguing?
fear of intimacy?
mother figure / friend?

usually when marriages are under stress because of performance problems there are OTHER problems too.

do you want to say anymore?

[puzzled]

My wife is a bright outgoing party person with a large circle of friends. We share a lot of similar goals and ambitions.. we both like a very social life and being the centre of attention.. we can talk for hours and have very similar values.. I dont get on with her 2 grown sons and there have been some problems around that
I guess there is a love hate thing going on with my ex .. we were together for 11 years. I do have to confess we have slept together. twice... no strings attached.. and the sex has been spectacular .. I have absolutely no problem at all maintaining an erection..
Yes i feel guilty about cheating on my wife and I know I risk everything.
Is it possibly the illicit thrill of a safe affair?.. I can be talking to my ex on the phone and as hard as possible .. walk into a room where my wife is and become instantly flacid? Guilt?.. I dont know.. I just know that it is driving me crazy.. I cant go the rest of my life without sex.
I dont even think about sex with anyone but my ex?
Am i still in love with her?? I dont know..

I... Honestly don't know. I'd suggest that the answer is within you somewhere... It is just a process of drawing it out of you really...

Hmm.

How were things with your ex when you were together? Was the sex great then or did you have performance problems at times?

How come you guys split up? Was it her decision or a mutual decision or what?

I guess it could be that you guys were really compatible in a way that you aren't with your current wife. Or... It could be that something else is going on.

How did things use to be with your current wife? Did the sex used to be good?

When did your performance problems start? Before or after you slept with your ex?

[Rhapsody]

IMO - I would say that your mind / body is still having attachment problems of the sexual kind to your ex - what it sees as sexual and exciting.

Type in the word "Sex Glue" on here and read about it...... maybe you just need to work on retraining your mind (via the eyes) to see your new wife as SEXY & DESIRABLE - then the rest will follow.

[puzzled]

Thanks for the input.. it is good to be able to talk about this.

The decision to end the old marriage was mine as I had already met my new wife.. the sex with my new wife was good for a while when we first met but I think back and the attraction is more "like minds" and similar lifestyle, goals etc. Problems really began once the initial flush was over. I didn't sleep with my ex until well after the desire had wained with my current wife

My ex and I always had a very good sex life and yes there was the odd occassion were I had problems but they were usually ill health or tiredness... and very very rare. In some ways I still have feelings for my ex.. we share the same quick sense of humour.. the ole quick glance and we knew what the other was thinking etc

[puzzled]

Thanks for that.. I am unable to find anything when I search "SEX GLUE".. can you direct me please

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
puzzled said:
Thanks for that.. I am unable to find anything when I search "SEX GLUE".. can you direct me please

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http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...t=1&PHPSESSID=