[Lexicon78]

I have this problem, don't know if anyone can help or not. I can't get off with a guy. I can become extremely aroused but there's like this wall that keeps me from achieving orgasm. I would like to have kids and was told I can't get prego if I don't orgasm. This really worries me a lot. The only person I've been able to have an orgasm with was a woman. The only other way is through masturbation.

I'm only 27 years old and this has always been a problem. Could my sexual dysfunction be caused from past sexual abuse? Maybe, but it's killing me.

[h0kie]

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Lexicon78 said:
...was told I can't get prego if I don't orgasm.

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So not true! Google that statement and look at all the "myths" it brings up. Here is just one: Myths (it's myth #6)

[Lexicon78]

thanks for the tip...my aunt told me that one!

[Perzephone]

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Lexicon78 said:I would like to have kids and was told I can't get prego if I don't orgasm.

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It is true that an orgasm does help your uterus & vaginal muscles relax & the contractions within the vagina help pull seminal material deeper inside, but you can still get pregnant w/out a climax.

A lot of medications can make it hard to orgasm for men or women both - antidepressants, blood pressure medications, diet pills, even some OTC sinus pills & pain killers. If you're not feeling healthy & relaxed around your partner, if you're tired, feeling low, having self-esteem & self-confidence issues, or if you're having control or intimacy problems in your relationship, it can really throw sex out of whack. Not having enough time or trying to fit sex into an overwhelmed schedule can do it, too.

Now that I think about it, just about anything can ruin really good sex. Too much sleep, not enough sleep, too much work, not enough work, too much food, not enough food, someone says something weird & puts you out of the mood (my husband once did an impression of the robot from Buck Rogers at an inopportune moment & ruined things for a week - every time I thought about sex the only thing that went through my mind was 'Biddy biddy biddy').

If you feel comfortable with it, try mutual masturbation w/your partner & see if you can both achieve orgasm that way. If you feel relaxed & safe giving yourself pleasure around your partner, you can work up from there. And never be afraid to drop hints about what you enjoy - men aren't mind-readers.

[bebop]

you can certainly get pregnant without orgasm..I have 2 to prove that one. maybe you need to relax more to have one with your partner.

[inkblot]

Past sexual abuse is a likely reason. I never had the "O" with my ex-husband, and I got pregnant twice. It's a very hard thing for alot of woman to achieve orgasm with a man. I've heard that masturbation alone or with a partner, using a vibrator with a partner or alone, and position changes can help. But also, many medications are known to have effect. I am willing to bet that past sexual abuse is a certain factor. You are getting counseling for it?

Getting pregnant isn't as easy as one might think, but the practice can feel good! Medications, diet and nutrition, weight, health problems, physical and mental stresses, all are possible things. Make sure that you take a multivitamin-mineral, eat healthy, be healthy. Not to gross anyone, but watch how your mucus changes during your cycle. Be ready to jump in bed when it's thin and stringy like egg-white. You can buy ovulation predictor tests also. Do try to relax, though. A potential baby isn't going to be made if you are too stressed. You *can* become too stressed about not getting pregnant! Don't get your hopes up each month only to be saddened when it doesn't happen. That will actually decrease your odds of getting pregnant. Do keep track of cycle days, maybe even like a diary you could sort of chart CM (cervical mucus) consistency (thick, color, thin, etc), any other things like when you have sex. Be sure to give the guy a break every other day so he can build up his supply of reinforcements.

Hope this helps!

[jennie]

some things that may help achieve orgasm . . .

being in love
being relaxed
music
pretty lights or candles
showering or bathing before
incense
freshly cleaned sheets and linen
lubricant
fluffy pillows
massage
sweet talk, sincere verbal intimacy before and/or during
planned (or not planned) encounter
breathing exercises before & during
verbally directing your partner to your hot spots
complimenting your partner on performance
and #1 NEVER FAKE AN ORGASM if you are having trouble initially