Looking for some opinions on this.

I was abused by an older brother. The Abuse began at 12. He was 16. He would show me playboy magazines and others and I would we would both become aroused and he would have me play with his. We would look through the pages and it felt real good. He would usually have me lay down and lay on top of me and look at the magazine until he came. To this day when I see naked women on the internet or magazines my brain thinks of erections. So the first time I saw a porn movie it was very very interesting to me. I feel guilt about this to this day and I am in my fifties. I am straight. Anyone else experience anything like this. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you.

What gender are you?

Male. Wow. You are the only one who seems to see my thread.

I have no personal experience with this, but I'm sorry it happened to you. To be betrayed by family in this way is just despicable. I can say though that you have nothing to feel guilty about, you were the one being exploited and abused, if anyone should feel guilty it's your brother.

I wonder if there's a way to train your brain to connect a woman's body with something other than the abuse, perhaps by trying to think of your wife/girlfriend or just the best sex you've ever had with a woman, something to disrupt the thought pattern.

Have you ever confronted your brother about this? Sometimes confronting our issues head on can help us overcome them, and he needs to know how much his actions effected you by exploiting your trust in the person who was supposed to always watch out for you and have your back.

Yes I confronted him on this and he just kind of acted like no big deal. Two years ago he passed away from Cancer. He never apologized. Just weird to have those thoughts while looking at beautiful women. It just doesn't make sense to me. Also what is available on the internet these days allows me to look at those erections I speak of. I get aroused but feel terribly ashamed about it. My wife knows nothing about this and I would not share it with her either. Too ashamed and not sure how she would react.

Have you ever talked about this in therapy? It may help if you look for a professional who has experience on sexual abuse issues.

I can give you opinions, but I'm not sure they'd help you. I hope you can resolve this the better possible way. Hugs.

Yes, I would suggest counseling, as well. Addiction to porn only escalates causing intimacy problems in relationships. Better to nip it in the bud.

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Well the reason I started this thread was to get a feel from people about this issue. I have a married friend who recently disclosed that he is into cross dressing in woman's lingerie after he saw my thread. He invited me over to play as he put it. I am considering taking him up on the offer and see what happens. Guess I am bi-curious at this point. He is a good friend and i have know him and his wife for years.

I can relate to your thread very well. My abuse happened around the same ages, a bit younger. My brother was 5 yrs older than me. I am female. He sexually abused me. I was taught many things to do & this was my first exposure to sex. I was clueless.
Another brother did stuff but only twice.
I can relate to the trigger idea.
Every single dam time I have male anatomy in my mouth it's a trigger. I don't think it'll ever go away.
But I have been able thru the yrs to separate myself from the abuse, know it wasn't my fault & that the human body responds naturally to certain stimuli. That can't be helped. I've learned to accept it.

I did confront my one brother about it. I'm sorry your confrontation wasn't more satisfying for you & you reached some closure.

I do also recommend counseling on this issue. There's great material out there for help.
Wish you luck English!

AFA your wife. What r you expecting if you'd share this information w/her?
AFA your cross dressing friend. What does "play" entail?
I just sense some dark water ahead that could cause great damage.
IMO

Yah. She is a bit of a narcissist and would just use it as fuel to belittle me at the next rage session. He sent me some pictures of himself dressed and all I could do is think OMG. It did not turn me on. Just made me feel like... wow "and I thought I was messed up." I told him I would keep his secret but no thanks on the play offer. I also know I have some repressed memories concerning the abuse. Recent nightmares have surfaced. I can't afford therapy though. Thank you all for your input. I would appreciate any other input.

First I have to promote your local Women's Resource Center....it's not just for women...it's for people dealing w/such issues. If you look into it you may find a survivors group to go to or even a therapist that had a sliding pay scale. With nightmares coming back it just sounds to me like you need to process this w/someone. I hope you can find some help.
Yes people have all kinds of kinks & your kink may not be my kink & that's ok. That stuff is very hard to share.
I was sad to read about how you think your wife would respond. That's really degrading to me when someone so important in your life can't be there for you. Just makes it all the more difficult to process. I'm kind of hung up on that one. I feel for you.

But still search for someone to talk to.