just wondering...

hey everyone,

as some of you may know, im 16, and ive been a member of the forums here for a little over a year. a little while ago, i went into chat, and as soon as i entered the room, i was immedietly asked how old i was. i told them, and i felt rather ashamed and embarresed with my age, as they illuded to the fact that i was too young to hear what they were talking about. they claimed that there were legal issues of sort involved with talking with a minor, specifically reguarding sexual issues. i guess what im getting to here is basically this....are there in-fact any legal issues reguarding talking about sexual issues to minors? it was just kind of hurtful as they treated me as a mindless child simply because i was 16. i feel like this happens a lot here at psychcentral, all age groups are not truly embraced, and it hurts after a while.

sorry, ive had a rough day =[ thanks for reading, and hopefully understanding.
melissa

i think this is people choosing not to talk about things they feel are inappropriate for them to discuss with people underage. not something meant to be taken personally. though i can see that you were hurt by it. i was caught off gaurd by the questions as well. but i can see both sides. especially if you have ever seen the show "To Catch a Predator". there are some states, like mine, that do have laws about these things and people can be charged with sexually soliciting a minor. especially if its sexually based conversation. sorry this has you so upset. dont think anyone intentionally set out to hurt you or segregate rooms by age groups.

i hope this answers your question and helps you to undrstand. i'm sure it wasn't a personal attack against anyone.

recluse1

good post recluse
mel i agree with what recluse said
its not personally u
and sorry ur age can seem to be the defining factor in a conversation but im confident that it is only that and their personal ethical concerns and the law that prohibits them from speaking with u about all things
it does not mean u have nothing significant to add to this community

HELLO (((MEL))). Perhaps you should contact a moderator if questions regarding sex come up then everything will hopefully be okay. Doc John can hopefully help you as well, or a nurse or social worker that is in the credibility of soliciting advice on sex at Psych Central. If you have questions I am sure Rayna or someone in chat can guide you to a moderator to talk to regarding teenage issues. It is good to see you posting I think of you often and how you are doing this Summer out of school. I hope things are going well for you (((MEL))). PM anytime. Soidhonia

Mel.. i'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, im not sure if i was one of the chatters, but i will be honest with you, when im in social.. its time to joke for me. have adult conversations.. and as a MOM myself, i dont feel comfortable having adult conversations with minors in the room, im sure your a lovely girl and if you need to talk about whats going on in your life PC room will do us just fine, and since there is a TEEN room, maybe and i know there are many , the teens can socialize in the teen room and talk about teen fun stuff. I know, i wouldnt want my teenager in a chat room with adults and having adult conversations. so please dont take this directed towards you personally. Not sure if leaving social room, and making private room is less hurtful, i will do so if i have to. sorry.. we dont have an Over 21 room. i apologize to anyone who is offended by this, but like everyone else, i am entitled to my own opinion.

take care

IMHO, it sounds as if she could have been taken to another room and told all of that..............teenagers have enough to manage without being embarrassed in chat.......

with all due respect .. we all have enough to manage in our life..and if i remember correctly, we asked, so we would know to tone down our conversation, if needed, its a social chat room, have fun chat/didnt think feelings would get hurt, by a age question, guess i didnt think, who knows. we would never intentionally hurt or embarrass anyone, maybe it is best to make a private room , me for one. i am not fond of them, makes me feel not good enough, but i think that may be best, for this situation. thank you fay for your reply always respect your opinion.

let me just say this. the conversations in social late at night do not deal with sexual issues. it is more like sexual context. an issue is something we have a problem with right? just my thinking at least.

mel I did not know you are only 16. I thought you were older. I have seen you on here for a couple of years now and I swear I never knew that. I am sorry you felt hurt by the question but I too feel very uncomfortable if I am in social and we are just cutting up and having a good time and a teen comes into a sexual conversation. I would not want my child to be in a chatroom like that. as mentioned already there is a teen room that is just sitting there not being used. maybe it is time for the teens to go there when the adults are in social. jmo.

(quick reply here)

((((( Mel )))))

I'm going to tread as lightly as possible here in this thread. Mel I am so sorry that your feelings were hurt in the Social room. Since I was not there and have no idea how the course of conversation went, I'm thinking like was stated above, that maybe there was some "mature" conversation going on about sex and the chatters didn't feel comfortable with there being someone under 18 there.

The chatrooms are public, at least the actual PC chatrooms are public. No one should be told to leave a room because of their age. The way to have an 18+ conversation is to create an 18+ room. Creating rooms in the chatroom are quite easy. If the room is titled 18+, it can be left an open room (not passworded) so other adults can join the conversation. The title then allows chatters to please ask members under 18 not to chat there if they are having a conversation that makes them uncomfortable to discuss around a teen.

I agree that Sexual "issues" are different then a conversation of a sexual nature. Here on this board, we discuss sexual issues and there is a sticky post reminding us to be mindful of young viewers. We don't tell people under 18 not to view and post in this forum, just like we don't tell them not to chat in the main rooms. Yes, there is a teen room, but if only one teen is on, then they can't chat. I think (and this is my opinion) that a lot of the teens on this site are quite mature beyond their age because of what they have been through, and they lean on us adults for advice and comfort.

So, while this isn't necessarily a topic for the Sexual forum, I wanted to reitterate that teens are welcome in all the chatrooms, and the way to have an 18+ only room, is to create one, passworded or not.

Again, Mel, my apologies that you felt it was you. I really don't think it was. I too watch To Catch a Predator, and going to be volunteering, to learn how to be a decoy to catch these people. So I can understand that fear the the adults might have discussing sex while minors are in the room. However, its not up to the minors to move, its up to the adults to use their tools and create a room.

Thanks,

Rayna

Well i wasnt gonna say nuttin but I feel i have something to add. I agree with Gypsy Eyes about asking how old you are. If the question isnt asked then how will we know what we shouldnt be talking about or maybe creating another room. As an aside i often ask someones age when they talk about something just to see where they are coming at this from. This includes people i know are over 18 but not sure how old they are.

Personally i think that there should be an over 18 room created so that it is easy for people who want to go into there to go there. Right now it is very convoluted for a person to find out if there is a private room going at the moment. Many people dont even know how to do it or are not aware that there is a private room. Ok, i admit it took me a while.....haha....

If there is a teen room for teenagers to talk amongst themselves which there should be, is it asking too much to have an over 18 room.

Another problem i see is that when there are teenagers in social and someone wants to talk about something they dont want teenagers to see and go to make a private room, feelings are still hurt, and the teenagers feel frustrated. A permanent room would ameliorate those feelings of targeted exclusion against the teenager that just happens to be in the social room at the time as exists now.

Damned if you do and damned if you dont as the situation exists now..

OPENING or CLOSING CAN of WORMS

I think the issue really is PsychCentral.........................

How many other web sites give minors cart blanche to minors? Look around and you'll see different types of judis prudence.....hmhmhmhm lets get a lawyer......

OR

Lets make some changes here........place could use face lift anyway............but that's my opinion......

As for asking age get over it............be over it.....not to be calous or in-sensitive but if one is having bad day or is highly sensitive then the greater population should NOT be chastised. I certainly could think of far greater things that go on here that need to be dealt with then asking some ones age...........

I think next time I'll check ID's.........enough said............

Side note .......don't hold me accountable for typos.....damm spell check here doesn't even work right...........

Joe I think you said it quite well! alot of people don't know how to use the private rooms or feel they are not welcome in them. personally I love your idea of over 18 room.

the legal issues you refered to because of your age, if you are from the uk you are classed has a adult at 16, by that i mean if for example you were in court for a criminal offence, you would be charged has a adult, not a child, in america you are not a adult til the age of 18, this being a american site, you have to go by there rules, its not fair i know, neither is waiting legally til you can have a first drink at the age of 21 in america, yet you can come party in the uk from 18 on, so suck it up, your time will come, your non less important.

sorry mellors..............ur off base............missed whole point 100%..........................but that's ok..........don't sweat the small stuff....................

I am not off base, I was replying to the original posters question, offering a explanation has to why they were treated this way on a American site being a juvenile in the main adult chat room,
your post tech, I ignored, has it was not relevant in any way shape or form that’s my opinion, if anymore specific age related chat rooms are made then no-one will be able to talk, the teen chat room was made for teens for this very reason

have words escaped you tech? or have you just left play school?

somewhat related to this is the fact that nobody fills out their profile.
i don't even know if i'm chatting to a male or female most times, let alone their age, cos their profile is not filled out.
i'm not suggesting that people be required to put their age but perhaps if they are under 18 (or 21) they could be required to have an icon indicating so.
then, as you know, by right clicking the person's name in chat, you can see their profile when they enter and at least know who the hell you're talking to.
it's not conducive to good communication when the age and gender of those you're communicating to are unknown.

Thus is the wonderment of the chat room.
It is anonymous...as it should be.
If you are willing to air your underwear in public, then you are asking for people to look at it.
A public chatroom is for everyone...so as an adult...you should take responsibility for the words that you are using...unless you can't have a conversation that rises above your crotch line.
Leave the young ones alone, they belong there as much as anyone else...regardless of age.
If your conversations involve sexual issues...you should have a private room. An adult would know that.

we have two adults squaring off after the thread was started, out of need, by a teenager......how dumb is that?

so the chat rooms are to be family oriented?
doesn't the word "chat" imply spontaneity?
doesn't spontaneity sometimes lead to breakthroughs in communicating difficult concepts?

Is age an issue regarding communication of complex ideas?

I have yet come up against a truly complex conversation in a chat room. Does it really matter who is typing the words? Just words on a screen...most people are there just trying to have a laugh...nothing wrong with that...in very short sentences using a lot of acronyms.

Age or sex should not be an issue...the only justification that you need to have to be here is that you have some type of mental or other condition. That was my understanding. The day that someone tells me that I can't go somewhere because I am young or old or a man or a woman is the day that I try to pound through that door with my boots on. If we are going to mark people because of their age...let it begin here. Hey...I am fairly old...perhaps I should have a mark by my name.

I repeat myself now. As adults you have to take responsibilty for your own actions and words...if you can't, then take it to a private room.

most people are there just trying to have a laugh...nothing wrong with that...

i notice you've only been a member since May (1 1/2 months?)
i've heard (seen?) some pretty intense conversations on chat, involving abuse, self injury and suicide..as well as some sexual joking around.
i agree if it's light hearted it doesn't matter much who is participating but when the chat turns intense, you tend to take a little more notice of who you're chatting with...that's all.

I have to say this. most of the time in social it is usually all adults so the conversations flow freely. if it were in the main room it would not be allowed there. the main room is for issues. social is just that. a place to unwind and have fun. I don't understand why people that don't go in there are jumping in here all mad.

I'd like to remind everyone involved in this thread to keep the discussion to the subject please, without name-calling or disrespecting another member. We can disagree respectfully.

In regards to the over 21 chatroom...have at it! Anyone, at any time, can create a room that's public or password protected, that will show in the list of chat rooms, etc. It's been mentioned that it's wanted, but it's already there basically.

We have to know, though, being online that anyone could see that it's over 21, come in and say they are when they could be a minor. That said, I understand that some feel a responsibility and if they question's asked and answered, then the conscience should be clear on it.

Please continue the conversation as it's a good one, but refrain from attacking another member or being obviously unsupportive to them, because they might disagree with you or another.

Thanks in advance,

KD